Screen Junkies’ 1st Annual ‘Sexiest Man Not Alive’ Awards

Wednesday, November 16 by

Robocop

Now, thisselection runs to my tastes, and you might disagree. But here’s the thing: I love foreheads. LOVE THEM. And it’s hard to find a bigger, more beautiful forehead on a non-living man than Robocop’s. Ok. Maybe Christopher Walken as the Headless Horseman in Sleepy Hollow, but Robocop just barely edges him out.

Further, Robocop is a protector, and knowing that he’ll protect me in the face of danger is pretty darn sexy.

Eric Draven

Ironically, Bradley Cooper, was set to star in The Crow up until about a month ago, when he presumably realized his sexiness, combined with the inherent sexiness of the role, would create some sort of sexiness wormhole which would cause the bar for “sexy” to be raised so high that no other actor/role combination could ever clear it. Except for maybe Ryan Gosling in The Notebook.

Anyway, the character of Eric Draven has everything you could ask for. Dark, brooding presence, silent disposition, reincarnation as a bird, and the rock and roll bad boy persona that really revs my engine. I also like his very tight shirts and the fact that he hangs out in the rain a lot.

Sure, he’s troubled, but I bet I could fix him.

Dr. Malcolm Crowe

The nerdy intellectual of the group, Bruce Willis’ character in The Sixth Sense doesn’t find out he’s dead until the last act, so I spent the whole film falling in love with him as a “sexy man alive” only to find out that I had been falling for a tweed-clad corpse, which was so much hotter, really.

Sure, he’s not everyone’s type seeing as how he’s so soft-spoken and also dead, but there are enough people out there who dig it that I feel this is a very strong entry.