Good help is hard to find, unless you live in the movies, in which case, you can craft the perfect assistant to tend to your every need. You won’t get any sassmouth from these assistants, butlers, and houseboys. Mostly, you’ll just get the paper and a piping-hot cup of coffee without having to ask for it twice.
So if you’re in the market for an assistant, but don’t have a lot of extra cash to spend on a pedigreed butler, just swing by Home Depot, pick up a day laborer, toss him in a tux, then show him the following films so he can learn how to really serve his employer.
This snobby assistant (played flawlessly by B.D. Wong) lives to serve wedding guru Franck Eggelhoffer. With an oddly Jewish name, the Asian assistant seems to do most of the heavy lifting. Sadly, his appearance was a full decade before the Bluetooth age, otherwise, you can bet dollars to donuts that he would be rocking one in each ear, while explaining why you can’t in good conscience spend less than $3,400 for the groom’s cake.
George: Are you Franck?
Howeard: Hahaha. I wish.
Humor is overrated, especially in an assistant. I prefer canine-like devotion, as does Mr. Lebowski, apparently. Brandt certainly fits that description. While enthusiasm doesn’t seem to be his strong suit, he’s got a job to do, and he’s going to do it. Further, he suffers abuse from his employer pretty well, which is a really nice trait, especially considering how much we will all want to torment our butlers and assistants once we hire them. I mean, that’s the point, right?
Just because he has no sense of humor doesn’t mean you can’t still treat him like crap, just like The Big Lebowski does.
Bunny Lebowski: I’ll suck your cock for a thousand dollars.
Brandt: Ah hahahahaha! Wonderful woman. We’re all, we’re all very fond of her. Very free-spirited.
Bunny Lebowski: Brandt can’t watch, though, or he has to pay a hundred.
Brandt: Ah haha. That’s marvelous.
The Dude: Uh, I’m just gonna go find a cash machine.