As a reader of this site, you probably know as well as we do that there’s nothing better than the sadistic killing of animals for pleasure and/or as an outlet for anger. Well, since those liberals in Washington (state) frown on us killing animals for no good reason, the next best thing is watching it happen in TV or film. Sure, it’s a distant second, but it’s more fulfilling than tearing apart a stuffed animal or beating a veal shank with a billy club.
So if you’re having a bad day, the neighbor’s dog won’t stop barking, or if you just realized your childhood ended wayyyyy too soon during that 4th of July party some years back, enjoy this list of people killing animals, but not out of necessity.
After thug inmate Maurice Miller promises to get a pet goldfish to a rich inmate whom he is protecting, Mr. Miller enjoys a change of heart (as is his right) and crushes the bagged goldfish with his bare hands, which isn’t all that much of a feat. There’s no real glory in crushing a fish. Maybe a tuna or a halibut, but a goldfish? No way. That’s cowardly.
I’m aware this is in German, but feel it works better that way.
Of course, the cow in this film doesn’t die, but it really should have. Jim Carrey’s Charlie comes across an ailing cow, then, to put it out of its misery, ends up shooting, bludgeoning, and attempting to suffocate the cow to end its suffering. After shooting the cow nine times, we assume that the cow has finally shuffled the mortal coil, only to learn later in the film that the damn thing’s “lucky to be alive.”