Other Things We’d Like To See ‘The Stars’ Do Besides Dance

Monday, November 21 by

Smugging

You thought you’ve seen smug? You haven’t seen smug! When you hear someone say the drive a Prius, you hear it as a statement of fact. That’s the car they drive. When a celebrity drives a Prius, it’s because they’re brave (so very brave) enough to put aside all the creature comforts their life has afforded them (but just in the realm of cars) so that they can save the environment. Cause lord knows middle America isn’t going to do it.

You’re also going to hear about how easy and sustainable it is to go vegan when you happen to have a private chef. In the event of a tie, contestants, both of whom have jobs which only require 60 days per year, will discuss how beautiful Darfur really is and how you should really visit.

Cooking

You can tell a lot about a person by how they act in the kitchen. Are they bossy, shy, or defensive? You’d know very quickly. I would like to watch Nick Offerman (Ron Swanson from Parks and Recreation) just grill meat all day long. That would be mesmerizing. Top Chef meets Access Hollywood would be pretty fun. Can Ryan Gosling make a kiwi tart as well as I think he can? Yeah. I bet he can.

Also, it would be sort of interesting to have an office pool for which celebrity will burn themselves with scalding-hot water over the course of the season. My money would be on William Shatner or maybe the guy from Burn Notice. That would be pretty ironic, no?

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