9 Unlucky Movie Losers Who Never Had A Chance

Monday, September 12 by

7. Cpl. Telford – Die Hard 2: Die Harder

This poor bastard is the patron saint of unlucky movie losers. Cpl. Telford gets called up from the reserves for a special forces mission when the regular guy gets an appendicitis. Unfortunately, that means he wasn’t in on the squad’s plan to betray their country and fly off with drug lord Esperanza. Telford gets his throat slit before he even knows what is happening. At least John McClane avenges him by wiping out his killers. And about 73 other people.

8. The Planet Alderaan – Star Wars: A New Hope

Princess Leia‘s home planet had only one scene in the original Star Wars film, when it was promptly blown up as an example of the Death Star’s awesome power. The tragedy even impacted Obi-Wan Kenobi, who described the planets destruction “as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror.” Which, I suppose, is more dialogue than most of these unlucky bit characters got.

9. The Cow – Twister

While the cow truly was in the wrong place at the wrong time in the film Twister, we really only included it so we could have an excuse to run this picture. Look at that stupid cow!

Honorable Mention: Towny – Midnight Cowboy

Towny survived the events of Midnight Cowboy, so I guess he’s luckier than most of these characters. But he’s just so pitiful. First he picks up gay hustler Joe Buck, then, feeling guilty, he tries to back out. Then Joe, a normally nice guy who’s completely out of luck, beats him and robs him. It was possibly the most depressing moment in one of the most depressing films ever. Oh, Joe.

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