Movies Hollywood Makes Us Steal

Wednesday, June 8 by
 

In a world where almost any film you wish to purchase is just a few mouse clicks away, it’s rare to come across a title that is not available. But as rare as it may be, there are some movies that, for one reason or another, simply cannot be obtained by legal means.

Unless you are lucky enough to get your hands on an out of print or VHS copy, the only way to view these films is to steal them outright via digital piracy. Obviously, we don’t condone breaking the law, but if you want to watch a movie about Nic Cage catching leprosy (more on that later), sometimes you have to take drastic measures. If these films were available to purchase, that would be a different story. But since Hollywood chooses to keep them off the shelves, you can’t be held responsible*. With that in mind, here are five films Hollywood makes us steal.

* Note, you can and will be held responsible.

The Siege of Firebase Gloria (1989)

Anyone with even the slightest interest in cinema remembers R. Lee Ermey’s famous role in Stanley Kubrick‘s Full Metal Jacket. But this was not his only stint in a Vietnam War movie. Ermey also has a major role in The Siege of Firebase Gloria, a film that follows the exploits of a group of marines as they try to hold an outpost under attack by the Viet Cong. Although the film has some devoted fans (including Quentin Tarantino), you’ll have no luck finding it on DVD.

Fright Night II (1988)

Sequels don’t usually live up to their originals. I’ve never seen Fright Night II, so I can’t say one way or the the other. Chances are I won’t get the chance to see it, unless I illegally download it. Of course, I could go and buy a copy of the now out-of-print DVD on eBay. But considering the price is around $100 (depending on the auction) I think I’ll just go ahead and break the law. (Thanks for the tip, Mike Gavern).

Let It Be (1970)

Beatles fans would love a chance to own Let It Be on DVD. After all, the documentary chronicles what turned out to be the making of the band’s last studio album. But with no DVD release in sight, you’ll simply have to buy a used VHS copy. Don’t worry. I saw one on Amazon for only $300.

Looking for Mr. Goodbar (1977)

Looking for Mr. Goodbar? Keep looking. Although it is widely considered a classic, this film about the sexual awakening of a mild-mannered schoolteacher (Diane Keaton) is out of print, with no plans for a release on DVD or Blu-ray. To add further insult to injury, copies of Something’s Gotta Give abound, proving there’s no justice in this world, even when Diane Keaton is involved.

A Time to Kill (Tempo di uccidere) (1990)

Not to be confused with the racially-charged Matthew McConaughey legal thriller, this Italian film stars Nicolas cage as an soldier involved in Mussolini’s invasion of Ethiopia. I could try to write up a funny little description, but I don’t think I can top what I found on Wikipedia…

Lieutenant Silvestri suffers a toothache and decides to reach the nearest camp hospital. En route to the dentist his vehicle has an accident, and stops near a rock. Silvestri continues by walking. On his way, he meets and rapes a young Ethiopian woman. Despite this, he and the Ethiopian fall for each other. While taking refuge in a cave Silvestri shoots at a wild animal, but the bullet ricochets and hits the woman. Silvestri continues to the dentist. Upon reaching the hospital, he reads a medical book, leading him to believe he has leprosy. As he tries to escape from Ethiopia, Silvestri must evade his former comrades and reach his wife in Italy.

Rape? Toothaches? Leprosy? This film has it all. Unfortunately, if you want to see this overlooked Cage masterpiece, you’ll have to download a copy (which might be damn near impossible), or track down an old version being sold online. (Thanks to Ross McDermott for these suggestions).

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COMMENTS

  1. June 8, 2011 3:42 pm

    Anonymous

    Man I never even thought about it like that before. Wow.

    http://www.online-privacy.no.tc


  2. June 8, 2011 3:42 pm

    BoxCart

    I had to watch A Time To Kill for class, comparing it to the novel “The Short Cut” which it was adapted from. It’s pretty awful, but Nicolas Cage is operating at 7 on the 1 to 10 Cage Index, so moderately enjoyable.


  3. June 8, 2011 3:42 pm

    Watch TV

    I didn’t even know there was a Fright Night 2.


  4. June 8, 2011 3:42 pm

    anonymousse

    also “The Poughkeepsie Tapes” is only available through an illegal download.


  5. June 8, 2011 3:42 pm

    browndr

    Fright Night II is easily one of the most ridiculous horror movies ever.  From the Bug-Eater to the Roller-skating Werewolf, it’s easily one of my favorite movies of all time.


  6. June 8, 2011 3:42 pm

    browndr

    Side note.  I just Fright Night II it and found it at Best Buy for $15.  I also found A Time to Kill on Amazon for $13.


  7. June 8, 2011 3:42 pm

    Anonymous

    Good one!