Has a nation’s political future ever been more uncertain than it is right now in America? For the purposes of this piece, no. It has not. Obama’s support has thinned, and Republicans are putting forth presidential candidates under the assumption that eight crazy people equals one sane person.

This country needs a leader. Not only someone who would make the right choices, but someone who carries with him an aura of confidence and dignity, so that we may know the path we are being led down is the right one.

And that man is (sorry, Rick Perry) Morgan Freeman.

Mr. Freeman is everything this nation looks for in a leader, a figurehead, a representative, and a person. He’s the most presidential person in this country, and he’s never really involved himself in politics. In case you’re not sold right away, I’ve prepared some talking points as to why Morgan Freeman is this nation’s last great hope.

His Smooth Voice Would Get The Whole Country Tuning In To Fireside Chats Again

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I’m drifting off just thinking about how soothing his voice is when he’s talking about a serial killer’s tendencies in a high-tension film like Se7en. Now, think about that same voice talking about the debt ceiling and what it means for our G8 status. You fell asleep just THINKING about that, didn’t you? Don’t lie. You did.

His voice, combined with his ability to read a speech, would make the State of the Union appointment television even for someone as politically agnostic as me. Freeman could wipe out a hostile nation with a powerful speech and a stern look into the camera.

It’s Between Him And James Earl Jones, And James Earl Jones Was Darth Vader

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As best I can tell, Morgan Freeman has only really played one bad guy in his life, and that’s Sloan in Wanted. Considering no one who saw Wanted is a registered voter, I’m not even sure this is going to be an issue. Time in and time out, Morgan Freeman has played a bastion of integrity and wisdom like no other actor in this or any generation. OK. Maybe Gregory Peck, but I just don’t believe that this country is ready to elect a dead man as president.

In fact, the only actor that could give the Painted Warrior a run for his money is Tom Hanks. Honestly, I don’t like Freeman’s odds if he’s up against Tom Hanks. I don’t like ANYONE’S odds if they’re up against Tom Hanks. But if the field remains Hanks-free (and I have hired several operatives to ensure it does) then it should be smooth sailing for Freeman.

He Can Relate To The Common Man

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You think that just because he’s well-spoken and wears uh-mazing bow ties that he can’t speak to the working class? FOOL! He’s been incarcerated, worked the beat as a police detective (several times), and even spent years driving around a privileged white lady in the south. Of course, those are his characters, but it’s still better than nothing.

Before Morgan Freeman the man took a job as an Air Force mechanic, he traveled with his family from Memphis to Mississippi to Indiana to Chicago. While that may not make him a “global citizen,” it does allow him to speak to elements of America that most presidential candidates cannot.

The Characters He Has Played Have A Deep Well Of Experience

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He’s survived a nuclear terrorist attack in the Sum of All Fears, had firsthand experience with assisted suicide in Million Dollar Baby, overseen a nation divided by apartheid in Invictus, seen the nation through a natural disaster in Deep Impact, and fought in the Civil War in Glory.

If he had lived the characters he has played, he would be a modern-day yet much smarter Forrest Gump. While clearly he hasn’t lived these experiences, his demeanor is such that he has already tricked us into thinking he could. If Morgan Freeman appeared on TV during prime time, telling America that he had some sobering news – we had just invaded Switzerland, would anyone even bat an eye?

And I’m not saying that in the we’ve-already-got-a-black-guy-as-president-so-will-anyone-notice-if-we-swapped-out sense. I’m saying that because if all of a sudden, Morgan Freeman started appearing on the one-dollar bill, I would think to myself, “Huh. Seems about right.”

He’s In The Process Of Getting Divorced

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Of course, the family values people will have a field day with this, but this country doesn’t really care about family values anymore. What this country wants is hot, juicy gossip, and no one would better fit that bill than a handsome, stylish, SINGLE presidential candidate. Why read about the president in Newsweek when you could peruse USWeekly and find everything you need to know at his late-night date at the Spotted Pig in Manhattan.

All The Other Candidates Kind Of Suck Anyway

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Today, America is a house divided among party and ideological lines. So now is the perfect time for a likable guy with no real political baggage to get caught up in. Sure, he backed Obama, but 3 years ago, EVERYONE was backing Obama. It was like supporting rainbows or delicious iced tea on a hot summer day.

What I’m getting at is that Mr. Freeman is primed to sneak in as a third-party candidate and get the gold. Sure, third-party candidates haven’t gotten much traction in the past, but that’s because all the third-party candidates up until now have pretty much been Ross Perot. And if you are seriously comparing Ross Perot to Morgan Freeman, you are insane. Ross Perot and Morgan Freeman could not be different.

Morgan Freeman is a refined man with a classy, smooth baritone, and Ross Perot is an over-caffeinated elf that keeps asking people if he could finish when they aren’t even interrupting him.

FREEMAN IN 2012!!!