Screen Junkies is proud to present the first installment of More Than I Bargained For, an ongoing work of Dabney Coleman-themed erotic fan fiction written by our own Penn Collins.
“Hey, Dabney Coleman!”
Before I could get another sentence out, Dabney Coleman gave me a great big bear hug, and didn’t have to say anything. I could see it in his eyes – he was excited to see me.
“This is my good friend Penn, he has clearance to go anywhere on the set, so don’t hassle him,” he told the security guard at the Paramount lot, walking with purpose to the soundstage. “And he’ll probably give us a lot of script notes. We trust his judgment when it comes to blockbuster movies.”
I had never felt so good in my life. I was visiting my childhood friend Dabney Coleman on the set of the new J.J. Abrams movie, which is so shrouded in mystery that I can’t even talk about it in my fan fiction. And now I hear that Dabney and J.J. wanted NOTES from me? This was amazing. So far, this was shaping up to be the best day of my life.
Little did I know that only minutes later, it was going to become the worst.
When we arrived on the soundstage, there were several AMAZING creatures that, again, I’m not able to talk about, but rest assured, they were way cooler than the Cloverfield monster. I have gotten permission to mention that in this new film, which J.J. Abrams described as a “paranormal mystery,” my friend Dabney plays both the hero AND the villain. It was rumored to be a real game-changer of a film, and I was going to be a part of it.
After a lot of standing around, the J.J. yelled “action” and clicked that thing, starting the scene. An animatronic monster thrashed around while Dabney Coleman dive-tackled Evangeline Lily, sending her safely behind a dumpster only moments before a huge explosion. Of course, the sound for the explosion was going to be added in post, which made for an oddly silent event.
J.J. kept asking for extra takes because Dabney was so adept in the scene that he appeared to be a professional soldier in these takes, even though his character was simply a school teacher trying to save his students. Over and over again they rolled, trying to find one take where Dabney Coleman didn’t look like an ass-kicking machine. He couldn’t help it. It was in his nature.
Sometime around the eighth take, the pyrotechnics went off as usual, but the reaction shot was ruined by some light seeping into the soundstage. Someone had opened the exterior door, getting daylight into the supposedly nighttime shot. No sooner did J.J. throw down his clipboard and yell “cut” than Dabney spun around and saw exactly who had walked through that door.
“PENN! RUN!” Dabney yelled as he threw Evangeline Lily over his shoulder and jumped into the prop dumpster, just as an RPG flew by him, reducing the animatronic monster to a burning mess.
“ARE YOU OK?” he yelled, unable to see me.
“Yeah. What’s going on?” I yelled to no one in particular.
“When I count to three run as fast as you can and get in this dumpster…ONE…TWO…THREE!”
Dabney popped up from the dumpster, firing two gold automatic pistols. The attackers immediately returned heavy fire. From the sound of the guns, there were at least three of them. I held up for on moment, knowing they would have to reload. They were shooting MP5s with extended clips – they couldn’t go on firing forever.
Upon hearing the lull in gunfire, I ran the last stretch, diving into the dumpster, collapsing on Evangeline Lily. I turned to Dabney. He’d been hit in the shoulder. It didn’t look good.
“We have to get you to a doctor,” I said quietly, but sternly.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“Don’t be crazy, Dabney. This isn’t safe for Evangeline, and you’ll be dead in twenty minutes without treatment,” I said, unknowing of exactly what was at stake.
“I…I can’t. Those men have my daughter.” The words hung in the air as Dabney grimly reloaded his pistols, one reading “Dabney” across the barrel, the other, simply, “Coleman.”
“They took Kelly?” I asked incredulously. “How?”
“Not Kelly. Meghan. I have information that they want, and they kidnapped her to make sure that I give it to them.”
“We have to call the cops, Dabs! J.J. is out there. We have to save him and Meghan.” I popped up to scan the perimeter, but saw no one.
“J.J.’s working with them, Penn. I had my suspicions for quite some time, and I even signed on to this film so that I could get closer to him. It seems I got too close.”
I turned to Evangeline, who, despite the cuts and soot on her face, had never looked more beautiful. I could see in her eyes that she just wanted to go home. She never signed up for any of this. I took her and embraced her. I never wanted to let go. I was scared too, but Dabney, Evvie, and Meghan all needed me right now.
“Give me a pistol, Dabney. We’re getting out of here and getting your daughter back.”
“Penn, I love you.”
I looked up from my pistol. It wasn’t Evangeline who said it. It was Dabney. I grabbed the back of his neck, pressing his forehead against mine, never breaking my gaze. “I love you, too.”
I’d been waiting so long to hear Dabney say that. We’d been friends for years. I was at Meghan’s christening for God’s sake. I didn’t know how to feel at that moment. I just knew that if I didn’t get him out of there, there would be no future for either of us.
Evangeline looked uncomfortable.
“Now let’s get out of here.”
I popped out of the dumpster, scanning for threats. After seeing none, I helped Dabney and Evangeline out. As we threw open the soundstage door, we were enveloped in the brightness of the outside world, our journey just beginning.
******End Chapter 1******