Lame: 13 Celebrities Hospitalized For “Exhaustion”

Thursday, January 26 by

Jay Leno

Son of a bitch beat me to the punch on my exhaustion joke:

Exhaustion, That’s like a rich person’s condition. Poor people that work – they don’t get exhausted. Only rich people get exhausted. It’s an embarrassing thing.

He says he was worn out because he does the tonight show, writes for 3 magazines, and does stand up. I call bullshit; I talk to people all day, write for websites (which publish more than once a month), and really?  Stand up? Leno? I thought he quit that when he started annoying people as the Doritos guy back in the 80s. Admit it, you sorry excuse for Johnny Carson; lugging that chin around is tiring work. And you freebase vodka. That’s just an assumption, but if it comes true, you heard it here first, folks.

Janet Jackson

Janet “Miss Jackson” Jackson (because I AM nasty) has the dubious honor of being the “most normal” Jackson to actually not appear on a “where are they now?” special. Back in 2008, she had to cancel some shows because she was “exhausted and dehydrated.” I wish I had a job where “I’m tired” was a legitimate excuse not to show up, and I am at least smart enough to keep well hydrated, just in case sitting on my ass requires some form of exertion at some point. And really, is not bringing along some Poland Spring a legitimate reason to screw ticket-holders out of their money?

Susan Boyle

I admit it; I buy it. Susan Boyle is upper middle aged and comes from one of those towns where no one smiles (in movies, anyway). Literally every one the woman has known is dead and she went from enjoying a bit of karaoke to people crying because she walked into the room (because they’re happy), and that can get a little overwhelming. Plus, her emotional psyche is made out of tinker toys and bubble gum. I imagine Ms Boyle being wheeled into a room next to Demi Moore and saying wee girl of a husband was cheating on you, was he? How sad. My entire family is dead and I live in a shed. But no, we’re on the same level, you and me.