Kate Gosselin And 9 Other Gratuitous Celebrity Cruises

Tuesday, January 10 by
There's not enough Dramamine in the world... 

It’s not hard to understand the logic of celebrity cruises. Fans want to spend time around their favorite stars, stars want to be around their fans (at least the ones that choose these cruises do), and the fans also can share the ship with like-minded individuals. It’s win-win.

Unless that person on the cruise happens to be Kate Gosselin. Yup, for the demented individual that likes sun and the open see, but hates those things when Kate Gosselin isn’t around to share it, there’s now a week-long excursion that embarks in August. That’s just enough time for you to get pregnant so you’ll have something to talk to her about… cause it would be awkward if you weren’t pregnant, cause then you’d have to talk about that bastard Jon.

The caliber of celebrity that signs up for the whole cruise gig is generally not A-list, for obvious reasons. They also tend to be sort of niche, meaning that their fans are borderline insane. I’m sure 99% of the people on these cruises are innocuous enough, but the prospect of being on a cruise ship full of John Cleese fans, constantly quoting Monty Python, would be enough to toss my ass overboard and try my luck with the sharks and the orcas and the undercurrents and whatnot.

So if you’re looking to get away from the cold for a few days, and are totally weird, consider one of these cruises with your favorite celebrity. And try the shrimp cocktail.

John Cleese

Monty Python’s Cleese joined Silversea in 2008, boarding a cruise ship that travelled from Ft. Lauderdale to San Diego. Yikes. That sounds like a really long cruise. I can only pray for Mr. Cleese’s sake that the ship utilized the Panama canal, and he wasn’t forced to go the Cape of Horn route. That would be taxing on even the most polite Brit.

Alex Trebek

This strikes me as perhaps the best fit. I would think that Jeopardy’s Alex Trebek is incredibly popular with the cruise set. Plus, despite the fact that 90% of these people would probably be retired, I would have an easier time fraternizing with fans of trivia and jeopardy than I do with R. Kelly fans, though I would have an easier time getting drunk with and screaming at R. Kelly fans.

Give and take.

R. Kelly

Hey! Speak of the devil. This cruise was just recently announced. And it’s pretty much the most insane thing I have ever heard of. What the hell happens when you quarantine R. Kelly on a boat with a bunch of drunk, horny R. Kelly fans? While I know it’s probably inaccurate, the scenario that keeps playing in my mind is the first half of Jason Takes Manhattan, only Jason is R. Kelly.

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