In Honor Of The Underwear Bomber: 8 Inept Movie Terrorists

Friday, February 17 by

Brigadier General Francis X. Hummel – The Rock

Seeing that occupying Oakland just wouldn’t get his point across, General Hummel added extremist to his already impressive military resume. To raise money for the families of dead soldiers who were disavowed by their government after dying on a top secret mission, he took stole chemical weapons and then pointed them directly at San Francisco from Alcatraz Island.

Why go to all the trouble of hiring unstable bloodthirsty mercenaries when you could just go directly to the press? Granted. Newspaper writers smell like newsprint and still enjoy impersonating Borat but I’d prefer that to a Mexican stand-off with Tony Todd.

Dr. Raymond Cocteau – Demolition Man

After turning California into a futuristic utopia full of total pussies, Dr. Raymond Cocteau couldn’t handle rebel forces who fought for their right to eat fatty foods and bang one another. So, in order to kill the rebel’s leader, he sensibly pulled the world’s most dangerous criminal out of cryo-prison and programmed his brain with the assassination order.

Is there no money in the future? Because he could probably just pay a guy to kill him. If not, he could thaw out a non-psychotic criminal and just pay him to do it.

Raza – Iron Man

Brilliant plan. We’ll capture the world’s most premiere weapons maker and force him to build us the world’s most dangerous weapon. Totally unsupervised. With access to things one uses to build weapons. And we’ll also let him maintain his intricate goatee while held captive in a dank mountain cave for weeks on end. At the very least, put a guard in the room. Why so shy?

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