In Honor Of The Underwear Bomber: 8 Inept Movie Terrorists

Friday, February 17 by

William Stranix and Cmdr. Krill – Under Siege

I suppose their plan would have worked pretty well but it just seemed needlessly risky. First they need to access and board a United States battleship. Okay. Man on the inside. Should work out. Then they need to overthrow the highly-trained sailors on board and steal the ship’s cache of nuclear missiles. Did I mention this all happens during a birthday party? A birthday party where there are nuclear weapons.

Again, you’re a terroirst and you’re in a tight space with hostages. This time their trained for real world war situations. You need to prepare for the contingency that one of them MIGHT try to stop you.

Ryder – The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3

Another great rule of thumb in the terrorism trade is keeping your damn mouth shut. When you’re in a train below the New York City, weapons pointed at your hostages, and a hotline of communication established with the authorities, it’s not the time to get cute. This is business. Give them very little insights into your personality because that could lead to their learning your real identity. If you want everyone to know how witty you are, go to an open mic night or start a Twitter account. Just don’t get all chatty while trying to manipulate the United States stock market.

Joshua Foss – Sudden Death

If your plan for holding the Vice President hostage involves an assassin disguising themselves as the mascot of the Pittsburgh Penguins, you’re doing it wrong.

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