Over the past week, Hazel Jones has been popping up in the darndest places, and all because she’s a hot 23 year-old girl with two vaginas. To the naked eye, nothing seems awry, but she found later in her life that she was born with two uteruses (uteri?), cervixes, and vaginas. While this may sound wacky, some doctors guess that 1 in 3,000 women have the condition, which allows them to lose their virginity twice and experience two periods, so, you know, twice the fun and whatnot.

UPDATE: IT'S BEEN REPORTED...sorry. Caps lock was on...It's been reported that Hazel has recently been offered $1 million to star in an adult film that will presumably feature both her vaginas. Hazel has shown off both her vaginas at sex clubs in the U.K., so taking up this offer isn't outside the realm of possibility. Does this mean that the record for "most simultaneous penetrations" will be increased by one. Or two or three?

Only time will tell.

UPDATE II: If you want to see a medical video featuring the double vagina, you can do so on YouTube. Thanks to FilmDrunk for making the find.

Along with the presentation of her "gift" to the aforementioned fetish clubs and showing her double-barrel vagina to any woman who asks to see it, Jones recently posed, clothed, in Bizarre magazine, so she’s certainly owning this trait and not living in shame. So while you, dear reader, mull over the question of whether this makes her more or less appealing than a “regular” uni-vagged girl, please take a moment and review our list of the best mutants in film.

Three-Breasted Whore – Total Recall

Again, the extra breast thing is a matter of taste, but I can say that the third breast didn't do much for me. That said, this list isn’t about me. Many, many Americans, and possibly Canadians, enjoy the tri-boobed hooker, so she makes the list. I find it a bit silly, as I never have thought to myself, “Gee, I wish this girl I was hooking up with had one more thing on her body I had to stimulate and negotiate. I’m not searching for degree-of-dificulty here. I would rather have a girl with nine tongues or a caterpillar clitoris or something that gave ME pleasure rather than yet another body part I need to focus on. Anyway, here’s your three-breasted whore. Enjoy.

Brundlefly – The Fly

Jeff Goldblum in mutated fly form is pretty much a lateral move from regular Jeff Goldblum, so I’m not phased at all by by the fact that he vomits on his food, or his ears fall off on the reg. It’s all good! I hope he doesn’t vomit on my hand, but there’s no need to single him out. I hope none of my friends vomit on my hand. That’s crappy behavior.

Michaelangelo – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

I really feel as though Michaelangelo is the only Ninja Turtle I would enjoy hanging out with. He’s the party dude, so I could see us watching some backyard wrestling videos with pizza and Mountain Dew and just chillin’, you know? Raphael is too aggressive, Leonardo is very type-A, Donatello is the really smart one, but his weapon is a stick, which sucks ass. Michaelangelo and I would wear Hawaiian shirts and watch The Hangover Part II. It would just be terrific. I wish he was real.

Big Brain – The Hills Have Eyes

I’ll be honest – I don’t really know what Big Brain and I would do if we were to have an afternoon to hang out. I’d want to get out of the house, but I think going for a hike or a walk would prove tricky, and judging from his rendition of “The Star-Spangled Banner,” I’m guessing that he’s not huge into indie rock either. Probably lettuce wraps at P.F. Chang’s, then maybe Cold Stone. I really want to go see Haywire, so maybe we could do that, but they’d have to show the film on the ceiling so that Big Brain could see it. Maybe we’d just talk about the Republican primary. I’m sure he has a fresh perspective.

Joseph Merrick – The Elephant Man

Joseph Merrick, aside from the grotesqueness, which we should all get past, seems like a pretty likable guy. He got dealt a bad hand, what with the hideous deformity and all, but the fact that he was used as a sideshow attraction, even in post-Victorian London, where sideshows were all the rage, is very unfortunate. I mean, he ended up dying of asphyxiation, because he wanted to sleep laying down, like other people. That’s kind of sad, no? That’s just one of the things I wish we could talk about over Jamba Juice.

Kate Hudson and Halle Berry – Real Life

Mutants of the most freakish degree, these women are proof that truth is stranger and far more grotesque than fiction. You see, both these women appear normal, even beautiful on the outside, but both have six toes on each foot, making them absolutely disgusting and so dissimilar from me that I don’t know what I would even talk to them about. I have never contemplated toe removal surgery, so we couldn’t discuss that. Maybe we would talk about what it was like on the sets of How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days and Gothika. Yuck. I’d rather talk about the toe thing.

Toad – X-Men

It wasn’t easy picking just one mutant from X-Men, but I landed on Toad because, yes, his long tongue is overtly sexual, but it would be neat to just see him lick stuff from very far away. I’d be like, “Toad, I bet you can’t lick that moose wearing the sunglasses at T.G.I. Friday’s,” and he’d be all, “You’re on, f*cko.” Then he’d do it, and expect me to praise him, but instead I’d be all, “Dude! You just licked a stuffed moose! That’s nasty!” I don’t think Toad and I would stay friends for very long, but I would enjoy our friendship for the time it did last.

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