Sure, Christopher Columbus discovered the Americas and all that good stuff but that hardly holds a candle to James Spader and Kurt Russell‘s discovery of another galaxy. If that weren’t enough, they stop the he/she guy from The Crying Game from blowing up Earth with a nuclear bomb. Columbus looks like a real dildo in comparison to that.
The Goonies taught us that there’s so much to discover just outside our own front door. Then down a big hill and over to the coast. Then through the basement of an abandoned seaside restaurant. But still, adventure! Right where you least expected it.
It’s his day. We kinda had to give it to him. Plus, he was portrayed by renowned carpet pisser Gerard Depardieu. No image brings me more happiness than envisioning Depardieu’s Columbus dropping trou and whizzing on the Santa Maria while a frustrated Ridley Scott goes back to his Rubik’s Cube.