Only one month has passed since the death of Osama bin Laden, and in that short time, America has already gone back to focusing on the issues that truly matter. Specifically, I’m talking about Congressman Anthony Weiner’s schlong. Night after night, it’s the lead story on every major news outlet, and unless Osama comes back from the dead, it’s not going away any time soon.
It’s hard to feel sorry for a guy who is dumb enough to tweet a picture of his own dong to the entire world. But on some level, I do feel pity. I imagine Weiner has spent his entire life dealing with ridicule stemming from his unfortunate name. And now, thanks to this scandal, he’s reliving the years of torment on a national scale. But it’s important for him to keep in mind that despite his situation, he’s not the first person to get caught in a wiener related mishap. Of course, all of these examples are fictional, so take it for what it’s worth.
When it comes to inappropriate erections, we’ve all been there. Well, I suppose we haven’t all been there. Women and eunuchs don’t usually get boners. But at any rate, Ron Burgundy came down with an embarrassing erection while talking to a co-worker. I don’t think she believed him when he claimed it was an optical illusion brought about by the fabric pattern and the pleats.
Intentionally sticking your penis through a hole that leads to a girl’s locker room isn’t embarrassing, per se. It might be considered sexual assault, but that’s a whole different matter. No, the embarrassment in this scene stems not from the exposed wiener, but rather the attempt to capture it by Ms. Balbricker. Having your junk pulled off by a middle-aged lesbian isn’t exactly something to brag about.
It’s embarrassing to be stripped naked and locked in the trunk of a car. It’s even more embarrassing when your penis is almost small enough to slip past the censors. Honestly, I’m not even sure I needed to black out this picture. Out of respect for actor Ken Jeong, I’m going to assume that it has more to do with the camera angles and the lighting then the size of his junk, and that he’s a grower, not a show’er.
In Tomcats, the groomsmen end up taking a large dose of Viagra. This results in a lot of embarrassing erections during the wedding ceremony. You know what’s even more embarrassing than that scene? The fact that this film exists.
At least the “Bad Lieutenant” is alone in this scene, so it’s not as embarrassing as it could have been. But there’s still something sadly pathetic about watching a guy, drugged out of his head, thrashing around in the nude. It’s not a public humiliation, but his life has devolved to the point where it’s embarrassing on a whole different level.
Getting walked in on naked is one thing. Getting walked in on by your parents with porn on the TV and a sock over your cock is a whole lot worse. It’s not as bad as getting caught nailing a pie, but it’s close.
There are very few things in this world that are more awkward than seeing your father-in-law’s junk. One of those things is injecting his junk full of adrenaline in order to relieve a four hour erection. Unfortunately for the makers of this film, embaressing doesn’t always equal funny.
High school is awkward enough without getting your “frank and beans” stuck in a zipper on your prom night. Add the police, paramedics, and the girl’s family into the mix, and you’ve got the most embarrassing wiener scene of all time.