In Honor Jon Bon Jovi Not Dying, Here Are His Collected Master Works

Tuesday, December 20 by
Don't you scare us like that again. 

Close call yesterday, guys. Amidst the news of Kim Jong-il’s passing came bogus (thankfully) reports that New Jersey‘s fourth favorite son, Jon Bon Jovi, had also died. Rest assured he is alive and well and his hair looks fantastic. But we almost lost a true American artist, a man who has entertained for years with his contributions to the worlds of music, movies, television, and extreme football. We all know Bon Jovi, the international rock and roll superstar. But did you know he’s also a lawyer? And a college professor? And a recovering alcoholic? And a vampire hunter?? The man wears many faces… faces we’re glad aren’t decomposing.

So, raise a glass to JBJ. Without him, Young Guns wouldn’t have been nearly as awesome.

Jon Bon Jovi: THE ACTOR

Before you can celebrate the theatrical works of Jon Bon Jovi, you need to understand what brought him to the silver screen. You see, as this random British guy explains, Jon Bon Jovi always saw himself as a musician with no ambitions outside of that. Why should he become an actor? Then the whole Napster thing happened, and Bon Jovi eagerly jumped into a film career. They leave that last part out.

Cry_Wolf

Proving he’s not just good looks and amazing talent, Jon Bon Jovi effortlessly loses himself in the role of Mr. Walker, the attractive journalism professor. But is there more going on here? He’s been known to bed a female student or two, but is he also the campus’s crazed killer who is death-bedding them? I won’t spoil the outcome of this IMPORTANT FILM, but it probably goes without saying that this killer is wanted… dead or alive. The plot of Cry_Wolf is as twisty as a highway road that’s slippery when wet.

Pucked

Bon Jovi shows considerable range by playing a loser in National Lampoon’s Pucked. His character, Frank, is a former lawyer who can’t get his act together. When he receives a credit card in the mail, he quickly runs a bill of $300,000 by fulfilling his lifelong dream of creating an all woman’s hockey team. Then the evil credit card company, who can’t understand somebody just wanting to chase their dreams, takes Frank to court. With a little bit of support from a chubby version of Estella Warren, he finds the confidence he needs to defend himself and clear his debt. It also stars David Faustino.

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