Get Away From Her You Bitch! 4 Women Who Kicked Onscreen Alien Ass

Monday, October 10 by
Exhibit A  

The upcoming prequel to John Carpenter‘s horror/scifi classic The Thing called, fittingly enough, The Thing, is slithering its way to a theater near you on October 14. In anticipation of that date, why not familiarize yourself with some of the female heroes who have come before The Things’s Mary Elizabeth Winstead? Here are 4 women who kicked onscreen alien ass.

Ellen Ripley, Alien

Perhaps the definitive lady who kicks alien ass, Ellen Ripley (as portrayed by Sigourney Weaver) killed a whole bunch of Xenomorphs throughout Alien and its 3 sequels. At one point, she “gave birth” to one right before plunging into a pit of molten metal before then coming back as a clone with a little bit of alien DNA thrown in for good measure! That’s called “implausible screenwriting–” er, I mean, “dedication.”

Buffy Summers, “Listening to Fear,” Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Sometimes, one has to go outside the specific parameters of one’s job description. For example, in this season 5 episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Buffy goes on break from vampire-slaying in order to defeat an alien who is stalking her family for reasons too complicated to get into here. The alien’s MO is to cling along its prey’s ceiling while the unlucky bastard is in bed, before dropping down on their faces and suffocating them. It’s also no slouch in the slime department. Buffy makes quick work of it, though, by carving it up with a butcher knife. Delicious!

Florence Norris, Mars Attacks!

The character of Richie’s grandmother, played by Sylvia Sidney in Mars Attacks!, proves that you don’t have to be able to walk to kick alien ass, nor do you even have to have total control over your mental faculties. All you really need to make Martian skulls explode in their space helmets is a record collection that includes the sounds of Slim Whitman. It may not be hip, but it works.

Sam, Attack the Block

In Attack the Block, the primary kicker of alien ass is Moses. But he has a reluctant ass-kicking partner in Sam, a nurse played by Jodie Whittaker. While her action against the alien invaders in the movie is less show-offy than her male counterpart, it’s no less integral to stopping the alien invasion. She also gets to shoot one of the aliens when her more-experienced-with-guns companions aren’t fast enough. She never says “bruv,” though. Maybe in the sequel.