By the way, if you came here by Google search for the word “manhunt,” you might be a little disappointed. But don’t fret. You’ll find Mr. Right someday. In the meantime, why don’t you check out these seven great films?

With apologies to the movie Manhunt. Despite the title, it just wasn’t manhunty enough.

Zero Dark Thirty

“The story of history’s greatest manhunt for the world’s most dangerous man,” didn’t get that reputation by adapting Where’s Waldo? for the big screen. Based on historical events, the drama lifted the curtain to take audiences inside the real life hunt for Osama bin Laden. Jessica Chastain stars as the tenacious, young CIA officer who has spent her brief career trying to locate Public Enemy #1. It is due to her fight and resolve that the Al-Qaeda leader was tracked down and eventually killed. Director Kathryn Bigelow proved once again that she has the golden touch.

The Fugitive

The Fugitive is perhaps the most famous manhunt film. Based off the popular television series, Harrison Ford stars as a doctor on the run after being framed and convicted for the murder of his wife. Tommy Lee Jones also stars as the gruff US Marshal Sam Gerard, who is hired to track Ford’s Dr. Richard Kimble down. However, as Kimble alludes Gerard, he’s able to gather clues about the identity of his wife’s true killer and eventually team up with his pursuer to bring about justice. Jones all but steals the show and American audiences have loved his fleshy under eyes ever since.

Silence Of The Lambs

To catch a killer, you need to think like a killer. This is the reasoning that lead the FBI to accidentally release Dr. Hannibal Lecter from his cage. The former psychiatrist turned cannibal is the only one with the insight to track down a killer known as “Buffalo Bill.” When Bill kidnaps the daughter or a U.S. Senator for use in a “woman suit” he’s trying to fashion from the skin of his victims, Starling must not only track down the killer but also unlock the mind of Hannibal Lecter.

Seven

Let the games begin. Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman star as two detectives, one a new transfer and the other on the verge of retiring. The pair are assigned to bring in a killer who has meticulously planned his kills, each of which represents one of the seven deadly sins. With five victims accounted for, the detectives track down the killer only to find that it was all part of his plan. The final two victims are closer to home than either of the men imagine. The film cemented Kevin Spacey as an actor to watch. And we’ve also been loving his fleshy under eyes ever since.

The Bourne Supremacy

Former CIA assassin Jason Bourne is on the run once again. Framed for crimes he did not commit, the agent alludes his former bosses all while his mind continues clearing of psychogenic amnesia. Once again, Bourne proves that he’s too well-trained and remains several steps ahead of the agency. Using this advantage, Bourne races to figure out the details of who framed him while searching for details about his former life.

No Country for Old Men

Josh Brolin plays a good-ish man who makes a bad choice. After happening upon a drug deal gone wrong (the type where dogs are shot), he discovers a bag stuffed with $2 million. Problems arise when he returns to the scene to aid a dying man. After being spotted, Brolin’s Llewelyn Moss goes on the wrong with Javier Bardem‘s psychopathic hitman on his tail. Of course, any good manhunt movie worth its salt also includes Tommy Lee Jones (see: The Fugitive; U.S. Marshals; The Hunted) and his under eyes. Jones plays a sheriff trying to find Moss before the wrong people do, which is no easy feat since the film is filled with the wrong people.

Public Enemies

Michael Mann‘s crime film focuses on the last years of famed bank robber John Dillinger. Johnny Depp plays the charismatic gun man while Christian Bale stars as the FBI Agent on his heels. A series of gunfights, prison breaks, and more robberies lead to the eventual end of Dillinger, a infamous character brought to life by Depp’s underrated performance.

The Blob

The 1980′s were a great decade for horror, and this film is one of the best. Directed by Chuck Russell (Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors), it’s a cool blend of sci-fi and horror that doesn’t pull any punches. Would you expect anything less with a script by Frank Darabont? He didn’t have much luck with zombies, but the man knows his blob. If you’re a fan of movies where you get to know the characters before they are dissolved by outer space goo, you really can’t miss this.

The Hills Have Eyes

Alexander Aja’s take on Wes Craven’s classic is just plain deranged. Very scary, totally unpredictable, and gritty. It’s one of those movies that makes you want to shower. Why wasn’t Aja put on the Nightmare On Elm Street reimaging? That film needed him.

The Fly

David Cronenberg‘s take on The Fly is probably one of the grossest films ever made. And not just because of Jeff Goldblum‘s butt. After a lab accident fuses his DNA with that of a fly, Goldblum’s scientist character slowly transforms into an arm-breaking, vomiting freak. But still likable. Like Steve O from Jackass.

Willard

Although it hardly caused a stir when Glen Morgan updated it in 2003, but Willard deserves your attention. Crispin Glover steps up into one of his few starring roles and absolutely nails it as a lonely man who finds his only friend in a murderous rat. Also, Glover got the chance to make things weird by shooting a video of his cover of Michael Jackson’s “Ben” and include it on the DVD extras.

The Thing

John Carpenter’s The Thing will always be considered the Holy Grail of horror re-imaginings. It completely eclipses the original and builds its own world which it quickly destroys in a blossom of fire and contorted limbs. The special effects were revolutionary and still some of the nastiest you’ll ever see. Today’s technology can’t stand up to it as evidenced by the prequel from 2011. Even thirty years later, it stands on its on two legs. Granted they are growing out of its head.

The Crazies

The Crazies remake is fantastic. With awesome make-up effects and really inventive plot turns, it’s a movie that just keeps giving you more without getting dull or derivative. It’s actually like six movies in one that blend together without feeling scattered. That’s not easy to do when dealing with zombie rednecks.

Dawn of the Dead

Like The Crazies, this is another George Romero update that stands well on its own. The script from James Gunn is terrifying, action-packed, and also effectively funny when needed. It was the world’s first glimpse of what Zack Snyder is capable of. Ironic that a director obsessed with slow-mo would choose to make his zombies run, but I’ve gotta let it go. I’ve gotta let it go.

Fallen

Denzel Washington plays a homicide detective on the hunt for the most cunning killer he’s ever encountered – a demon named Azazel. Passing from host to host simply by touching them, Azazel makes a game of toying with detectives until their lives are in shambles. It’s hard to point out just one terrifying possession in this film, when the killer could be anyone at any time.

Prince Of Darkness

John Carpenter combines the themes that worked so well for him in The Thing and Assault On Precinct 13 for the possession film, Prince Of Darkness. A group of academic researchers become trapped in a church surrounded by possessed vagrants when the mysterious liquid they are studying becomes sentient and escapes. It soon becomes clear that the liquid is an evil ooze attempting to release the “anti-God” and bring about the apocalypse, possessing and melting the skin off anyone in its way in the process.

Jason Goes To Hell

To this day, nobody is really sure what exactly Jason Voorhees is. Some say demon, some say mutant, some say smelly guy that walks around the woods and kills any sign of life he finds. In one of his alleged final appearances, the hockey-masked killer had his lore expanded with a supernatural twist. After being blown to pieces by the FBI in the film’s opening moments, Jason’s remains are sent off to a lab for autopsy. However, his heart begins to beat on its own, hypnotizing the pathologist which leads him to take a huge, gnarly bite from it. The killings begin again when Jason assumes the form of his host and embarks on a mission to kill and possess the last member of the Voorhees bloodline.

The Last Exorcism

Presented as another found-footage horror film, naysayers who had grown tired of the device were pleasantly surprised to find a solid, twisted (literally) film in The Last Exorcism. The plot follows a sham exorcist who bites off more than he can chew when he takes on the case of a teenage girl named Nell. Of the film’s many terrifying and brutal scenes, one that stands out above the others is when the demon Abalam contorts and bends Nell’s body at angles that I still see when I close my eyes at night.

The Amityville Horror

Though typically priced to move, no good can come of living in a murder house. As the Lutz family learned in The Amityville Horror. Based on a true story that is now widely dismissed as a hoax, the film follows the family’s account of the strange happenings they experienced after moving into a house that was once the scene of a mass murder. Like the family’s patriarch regularly awaking in the middle of the night and wandering out to the boathouse. My guess whether or not the dad was possessed depends on if they found a stash of Playboys in the boathouse.

Evil Dead 2

Sam Raimi seems to have a thing for hands and that is displayed upfront in his most famous and iconic scene. From Evil Dead 2, Bruce Campbell’s Ash has lost control of his hand. It has become possessed by evil and is intent on murdering him. He literally cuts his problem off at the wrist thanks to a conveniently placed chainsaw. I’ve done far more grotesque things with my hand but this is still a really intense scene.

The Exorcist

The most influential film in the genre. Maybe there were movies about demonic possession before “The Exorcist,” maybe there weren’t. Just like there may have been chocolate bars before Hershey, or rock bands before The Beatles. The Exorcist, with its absolutely and unbendingly realistic tone, is widely considered one of the scariest movies ever made. And it remains the first thing most people think about when they hear the words “demonic possession.” Unless of course they’re unlucky enough to actually know someone who’s been possessed by a demon.

While I don’t know if 2012 was a banner year for badasses in cinema, we weren’t left wanting for any, that’s for sure. This year we were able to find stone-cold cool behavior from a wide swath of characters, good guys and bad alike. As for the “demographic breakdown of these characters, we’ve got a teenage girl, a bike messenger, and a stuffed animal. With that, let’s get cracking on a motley A-Team of badasses. Enjoy.

Django

Duh. Of course the guy in the Quentin Tarantino revenge film of 2012 is going to get the nod, though it could almost as easily go to Christoph Waltz for his role as the sublimely sympathetic bounty hunter in Django Unchained.

Django is tough as nails as demonstrated by his time spent in slavery, but he never lost his touch with a gun, which we quickly learn as he picks off the bad guys left right, and center.

Bane

I was reluctant to put Bane on the list because he was designed to be a badass, and I prefer unintentional (or less obvious) badasses in my films, like Danny Devito’s Penguin. That guy was a secret waddling badass.

Nonetheless, Tom Hardy plays the hulking, mysterious heavy in such a fashion that it’s hard not get on board with his general misanthropy and those nifty suspenders and that mask. I want one of those masks that just sprays painkillers into my mouth at all times.

In fact, this entry is probably more suited to be “Bane’s Mask” than Bane himself.

Katniss Everdeen

A girl makes the list, and this isn’t just window dressing. Katniss is hell with a bow and arrow, looks out for her friends, and kills boys twice her size in the Hunger Games. What’s not to like?

But beyond the action, Kat’s act of stepping up for her little sister was her most bold move. It could have backfired, but that would have made for a really, really sad and surprising film. Katniss lives, Primrose her sister lives, and Peeta dies.

Just kidding. Does Peeta die?

Watch the movie and find out. You seriously haven’t seen Hunger Games? GOD.

Ted

You don’t need to be carved from wood or spit hellfire to be a badass. Sometimes, you can just be a guy who knows his place in the world, and derives his pleasures from weed, beer, and scattered hook ups. And if you’re a former child star stuffed animal, then all the better.

Ted is my favorite badass of the list, because where other men would use their fists, he harnesses the power of “not giving a f*ck.” And that’s an element of enlightened badassery that most action stars just don’t have.

Magic Mike

For the ladies. Magic Mike himself may not have been a badass but his depiction resulted in a pretty mindblowing turn of events – people were able to, for the first time in recent memory, witness a male stripper without wanting to punch him in the face.

You can chalk it up to director Steven Soderbergh, you can chalk it up to Channing Tatum, or you can chalk it up to our deep-seated desire to break down and LOVE male strippers, but Magic Mike makes (male) stripping respectable.

Ok, I got carried away. (Male) Stripping isn’t respectable, but he made it tolerable.

And those abs…

Wilee

Bike messengers are more often than not similar to their over-the-top depiction in Portlandia. A jackass “indie” guy who treats the fact that he delivers messages like some sort of calling from God.

Well…Wilee from Premium Rush is no different. The film creates mountains out of molehills, romanticizing a subculture to an extent that would make even the producers of The Fast and the Furious blush.

It’s a silly movie, but it’s one that’s done pretty well, in a realm of imagination that hasn’t existed. And those little moments where Wilee’s journey presents several different outcomes based on his decisions are a lot of fun, but mostly because he crashes, then dusts himself off.

You know…like a badass.

The Iceman – Richard Kulinski

He might not be cartoonishly evil, but a real-life mafia hitman, especially when played by the ubercreepy Michael Shannon, is terrifying in completely different fashion. Shannon’s portrayal of Richard Kulinski, familyman-cum-murderer is icy not just due to the role’s depravity, but the believability resulting from the fact that a) it’s a true story, and b) Michael Shannon is a great actor.

The film hasn’t hit theaters in wide release yet, but it’s made its way through the festival circuit, and who could wait to put this guy on the list for 2013? Not me, apparently.

He would seem a bit out of place in the Hunger Games, though.

Shit. Now I want him to be in the next Hunger Games.

Now that some time has passed and we’ve had a chance to look back, we’d like to pick the fresh scab on 2012 and crown its best and worst moments. Thus, the Screen Junkies Awards!

Today we’re taking a look at the best movie trailers of 2012. These are the previews that either thrilled us, shocked us, made us laugh, or weren’t the trailer for <em>Battleship</em>. The quality of these movies are up for debate, but their trailers are awesome and no one can take that away. Except for us if we decide to subject them to the Honest Trailers treatment.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Sometimes a so-so film yields a great trailer. I’m sorry to say that in this case. I wanted Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter to be the best, most over-the-top, kick ass movie experience but the movie itself fell a little bit short. Then again, how can a film possibly live up to a trailer this good? Dude houses that tree!

Man Of Steel

Whether it’s a bird or a plane or a man, it’s safe to say that there’s a lot up in the air with Man Of Steel. We all want it to be great and if this trailer is any indication, it will be. Warner Bros just announced that if Man Of Steel is well-received, they’ll move forward with plans for the oft-delayed Justice League. No pressure, Zack Snyder. Stick to the basics — super-powered guys beating the tar out of each other in ridiculously unexpected and elaborate ways.

Pacific Rim

The morning that the trailer for Guillermo Del Toro’s Pacific Rim premiered, an audible “F*CK YEAH!!!” could be heard across the land. That was the sound made when thousands viewed gigantic robots using elbow rocket boosters to better punch enormous monsters in the face. Take that, Apocalypse!

Prometheus

It’s an AMAZING trailer. I STILL want to see the movie that it’s advertising.

Iron Man 3

When the trailer for the Shane Black-directed Iron Man 3 premiered, I pointed out that it looks awesome but also suspiciously like Lethal Weapon 2. The sequel seems to center around a wise-cracking hero struggling to protect his loved ones who also has his sweet, oceanfront home destroyed by a foreign enemy before being thrown to the bottom of the ocean. If only they got Joe Pesci in the film. He could replace Coulson.

Ted

Seth MacFarlane‘s transition to the big screen was a humongous success thanks mostly to this red band trailer. We always knew that Family Guy would be funnier with cursing. Awesomely harsh and abrasive New England-style cursing.

Star Trek Into Darkness

This trailer does its job and does it well. That job being to make everyone want to see the movie without revealing too much about the movie. Seriously, though. What the Hell is this movie about?

Let’s focus on the bad for a moment. Rather than revel in the success of the films that were nominated for Best Picture at the Academy Awards, let’s take our glass-half-empty spectacles and focus on the snubs. Some of the films listed were on the bubble, but some unquestionably belong on the short list.

You can’t make everyone happy all the time, and I’m sure that even this list of snubs doesn’t cover a few films that others thought deserve to make the cut. But it’s a small step on the road to healing for these neglected orphans of Oscar night.

Skyfall

I will mention context in greater detail for a couple more films, but operating in the confines of the James Bond universe handicaps your ability to garner critical acclaim. Of course, one shouldn’t add degrees of difficulty for good performances in bad films, or exceptional direction in a trite, mass-marketed action franchise, but at the same time, the quality of the work shouldn’t be disregarded because of those factors either.

Skyfall was a raging success as a Bond film, but would have gathered more acclaim if it hadn’t been. Sadly, the producers will have to live with the designation of “an amazing Bond film” rather than “an amazing film.” It’s better than a stick in the eye, but not the treatment the outstanding film deserves.

The Master

Unlike many other tour de force directors, at no time has Paul Thomas Anderson run the risk of repeating himself. While it looked like he had been flirting with delusions of grandeur in Magnolia, he quickly righted the ship with diverse fare such as Punch Drunk Love and There Will Be Blood.

He’s back for more with The Master, which, despite existing atop many year-end lists, didn’t make the shortlists for Best Picture or Best Director. I am not saying that the film is the best of the year (though the case could be made), but it clearly exists on a completely separate level than Argo or Silver Linings Playbook, both phenomenal films, but demonstrating nowhere near the mastery and authorship that P.T. took to The Master.

This is the year’s most baffling and inexplicable exclusion. There was even more room to include, but Oscar voters opted not to. One has to wonder if the scientology machine could have been behind this snub, because common sense sure wasn’t.

Holy Motors

This film isn’t in English, so it would be situated in the Oscars’ “Best Foreign Language Film” category. However, we don’t have a “Best Movies That Didn’t Get Nominated For Best Foreign Language Film,” so this film goes on this list.

Holy Motors is a bewildering fantasy film that doesn’t seem to follow in the vein of, well, any film ever, which is a large part of its draw. It follows a protagonist as he goes through a door in his apartment, finding himself acting out myriad different scenarios for audiences, off-camera directors, and the like.

Anyone’s explanation won’t do the film justice. What the film lacks in production values (and it does lack them), it makes up for in innovation and weirdness. The film even has Kylie Minogue in it for God’s sake. What more could you want?

Moonrise Kingdom

It’s the most Wes Anderson-y of all the Wes Anderson films, and ten years ago, that may have been a good thing. But as we’ve seen with Tim Burton, and increasingly with Quentin Tarantino, audiences, over time, get restless with auteurs who sit so steadfastly in their comfort zone.

So in context, Moonrise Kingdom was a film that may have simply served as chapter six of the Wes Anderson saga, even if Fantastic Mr. Fox bought him a little goodwill in this regard. Out of context, Moonrise Kingdom serves as perhaps Anderson’s strongest outing yet, taking his childlike sense of wonder and aligning it with actual children, and their wonderful compliment, clueless adults.

Strong performances, especially by Edward Norton should have catapulted this film from “great Wes Anderson movie” to “great movie.”

The Grey

Sure, it came out way back in January, when most movies get dropped off because they can’t find a home in more high-profile release dates, and yes, it stars the current action-star Liam Neeson, and not the more thought-provoking Liam Neeson of yesteryear, but none of that should matter. The Grey is a triumph for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that director Joe Carnahan was able to shoehorn profound sadness and existential subject matter into a film the logline of which is “Guys fight killer wolves in the snow.”

That logline is where the mass-marketed appeals stop as we see a group of the toughest men in the world slowly, sadly resign themselves to their fate. There’s no underdog story, no come from behind win. Just a story beautifully told, and subtext that goes far beyond a killer wolves picking off plane crash victims.

It seems like most films these days are considered indie to some degree, with more and more popular faces doing “smaller” pictures. That’s not to say there are no films being created by outsiders that go on to strike a chord with viewers through unlikely casting and challenging themes. In fact, 2012 saw quality films from both sides of the aisle — making it a great year for arthouses and bold experimentation in storytelling.

Tim Heidecker – Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie & The Comedy

Tim Heidecker made a big impact in the indie film world this year with two very different films. Early in 2012, he co-wrote/co-directed/co-starred in Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie alongside Eric Wareheim. But it was The Comedy that finally ingratiated him to critics. In the Rick Alverson film, Heidecker plays an aging hipster who grows tired of his trust fund safety bubble and decides to test the limits of socially acceptable behavior. To say more would be to say too much, but it’s a tough film that sticks with you.

Mike Birbiglia & Seth Barrish – Sleepwalk With Me

Mike Birbiglia adapted his popular stage show for the big screen this past summer, raking in rave reviews.

David O. Russell – Silver Linings Playbook

Directed by Oscar favorite David O. Russell and starring a few of the biggest actors in Hollywood, Silver Linings Playbook is truly the little film that could.

Benh Zeitlin – Beasts Of The Southern Wild

Director Benh Zeitlin cast a bakery employee and a six-year old first-time actress for his debut feature. You can’t get more indie than that without dressing Parker Posey in clothes that match the wallpaper behind her.

Zal Batmanglij – Sound Of My Voice

Besides having one of the best last names on the planet, Zal Batmanglij made a splash with his first feature, The Sound Of My Voice. It didn’t hurt to have longtime collaborator and indie darling Brit Marling on board. But I like to think she agreed to do it because of his last name.

Jake Schreier – Robot & Frank

Of all the indie films to make an impact this year, this is the only one that features a robot which is awesome in its own right. But this film isn’t one to rest solely on the awesome laurels of featuring a robot. Instead, the film deals with the idea of adapting to technological change at an old age while also shining a light on the death of print culture in favor of digital media. And there are also jewel heists which are awesome as well.

The Dirty Dozen

There’s nothing not to like about the premise of The Dirty Dozen and its characters. A major is tasked with assembling a small group of felon-soldiers and having them infiltrate a stronghold chateau. These guys are underdogs, misfits, and patriots. It’s like a much bloodier version of the Bad News Bears. While the ensemble has Telly Savalas, Charles Bronson, and Donald Sutherland, the real standout here is the gruff and no-nonsense Jim Brown, who was one of the first big names to make his way from the world of sports to the world of film. He’s tough enough that it never seems like acting, which I guess made his job very easy for him.

The Wild Geese

This one may not resonate in the same fashion as the American films, but just because these soldiers are largely English, Irish and South African doesn’t mean they kick any less ass. Bonus points to this film for shifting the venue away from the more familiar WWII settings and pitting them against forces of a military coup on the verge of executing the nation’s leader. As the heroes breach the facility, they silently take out the sentries with cyanide-tipped arrows and cyanide gas. Awesome? Awesome.

Das Boot

The characters in submarine films better be pretty damn compelling and likable, because the audience is going to be in close quarters with these guys for 90 minutes, so the irritation factor could be high. Fortunately, Wolfgang Petersen is able to ratchet up the drama fast and furiously. Further, the story is told through a military journalist, rather than through an omniscient or brutally unreliable soldier narrator. Oh yeah…all the guys on the boats are Nazis, which may not make them the most likable lot, but their plight is very relatable, and you’re able to forget that these are the bad guys, which is a testament to not only the story but the performances of the actors.

Inglourious Basterds

I held out as long as I could. The basterds are a group of largely Jewish soldiers who take their Nazi-hunting to a very personal level, using brutal tactics to not only weaken German manpower but also create bad PR that weakens the resolve of the German war machine. These tactics include baseball bat assaults from the Bear Jew, frequent scalpings, and… STIGLITZ. They don’t all find their way home, but their cause is a noble one. So let’s celebrate that.

Tropic Thunder

The guys in Tropic Thunder don’t come out of the gate as hardened soldiers but rather mismatched, hilariously idiosyncratic actors. But by the time the story ends, adversity has been faced and the good guys win, it’s hard to view them as actors in retrospect, even with such hilarious intermittent fare as Simple Jack. Just like with real soldiers, the madness of war takes its toll, in a thinly veiled spoof of the true story of shooting Apocalypse Now. It’s silly and slapstick-y, but the action sequences are quite legit, and the audience walks away learning that not only is war hell, but movie shoots about war can be hell as well.

Three Kings

As mentioned above, war can be hell because of the brutality, but in the case of high-tech battles of recent memory, war can also be hellishly boring, like a high school chem class. Three Kings uses four everymen to document exactly how rote and boring even life on the front lines can be as we see Spike Jonze, Ice Cube, Mark Wahlberg and George Clooney wrestle with their consciences as they’re torn between doing the right thing and getting really, really rich. They don’t set out to be heroes. Quite the opposite, actually. But they find their way after finally seeing the ravages of war.

Saving Private Ryan

Men rarely go to war alone, unless you’re John Rambo. So it’s no surprise that we more often see the ravages of war on groups of men, rather than individuals. Sure, they all cope their own way, but to see a group deteriorate or overcome collectively is part of the mystique of men in battle. Saving Private Ryan frames the journey of a group of men as they search for one man. The metaphor is hardly subtle, but that doesn’t mean it’s not effective. We see a medic, a schoolteacher, a translator, a hard-ass, another hard-ass and a regular Joe from Brooklyn all trek across Europe in the search for a lost soul in war. It’s beautifully done, and one of few films that’s really long because it needs to be, not because it wants to be.

Tinseltown is a horrible, fickle mistress. A tarted-up fame junkie with flashbulb eyes and ashy elbows who is always on the hunt for the next big thing.

One day, you might find yourself seated at the best tables with no need for a reservation. The next, you’re nobody. A nothing. Fodder for tabloids to call fat or for bloggers to draw dicks on. Like these esteemed actresses who likely won’t get Oscar noms this year.

Blake Lively – Savages

She solidified herself as an actress to watch (this time for her acting) with her performance in The Town. However, her next foray into serious drama didn’t garner a fraction of the acclaim. Unless Amy Adams starts doing American Pie sequels, there’s no way we should expect Blake Lively to receive the Best Supporting Actress nod in 2012.

Nicole Kidman – The Paperboy

To the surprise of everyone who hasn’t seen a movie pre-2003, Nicole Kidman snagged nominations for both a SAG Award and a Golden Globe for her role in The Paperboy. Despite her total commitment to the slutty Southern character, the film itself is to blame here for her Oscar snub. The reasons are two-fold. For one, Zac Efron is in this movie. Two, she number ones on him. I can’t think of many award-winning movies in recent memory where characters pee on themselves or others. Except 127 Hours maybe.

Doona Bae – Cloud Atlas

She gave the bravest performance in the year’s most unjustifiably derided films. Doona Bae’s portrayal as a servant clone/sex slave turned revolutionary in 2144 Neo Seoul. Not only did her pain inspire future generations to fight for their civil rights, but it also inspired me to second-guess the hiring practices at Hooter’s restaurants.

Laura Linney – Hyde Park On The Hudson

We haven’t seen much of Laura Linney lately, outside of Downton Abbey introductions, and Hyde Park On The Hudson was her chance to come back. Not that the Academy will take notice with Anne Hathaway out there shaving her head while crying.

Helen Mirren – Hitchcock

I don’t know. Just seems Oscar-y, doesn’t it?

In celebration of the release of Summit Entertainment’s crime thriller Snitch, opening in theaters February 22nd, we’re proud to bring you seven of the greatest undercover badasses in movie history.

Leonardo DiCaprio, The Departed

By the time the American remake of Infernal Affairs rolled around, DiCaprio was already widely-celebrated for his skills; but it wasn’t until audiences saw him doing push-ups between prison bunks that he carved out his first proper badass. Given the circumstances, it could have been easy for any actor to overplay the role of William Costigan, but DiCaprio brings a level of grace and sadness to level off the character’s grit and ferocity. Even more badass: DiCaprio actively declined campaigning for any awards for Best Supporting Actor that year as to avoid stepping on the toes of his co-stars.

Johnny Depp, Donnie Brasco

Getting in “too deep” is a common theme in many undercover films. After all, putting yourself at risk is what going undercover is all about. But what happens when you form a legitimate friendship with the men you’re supposed to be infiltrating. Things quickly get complicated for Donnie Brasco when he realizes that doing his job will most likely result in his friend’s death.

Toshiro Mifune, The Bad Sleep Well

Mifune’s performance as Koichi Nishi is a rarity in that it doesn’t employ the slam-bang tactics of many of his cohorts seen on this list. His stoic nerd slowly unveils the vengeance of a son scorned by one of the most powerful corporations in Japan through tactics of seduction, espionage and psychological torture. Mifune played numerous lively punkers in his lifetime, particularly in the realm of samurai lore, but this character seethes in his rage, striking only after his prey is at the brink of madness. Case in point: Nishi corners one of his targets on the window ledge from which his father died, calming the man down by offering whiskey that he later reveals is “poisoned”. The mark collapses, driven insane by the ordeal. Nasty!

Keanu Reeves, Point Break

This is simple story about a former Ohio State quarterback named Johnny Utah. For an F-!B-!I!-Agent!, Johnny maintains the most suspicious bromance with Patrick Swayze’s Bodhi this side of “Brokeback Mountain”. He allows his bleach-blonde nemesis to escape an aqueduct face-off, jump out of an airplane and eventually surf himself to death. At various points in the film, Bodhi’s potency in performing extreme sports counteracts the hobbling ethics of Reeves’ lawman. Johnny, like, totally buries his heart at wounded knee.

Kevin Spacey, The Usual Suspects

Have you ever seen Kevin Spacey try to act like a badass? It doesn’t work. But Spacey as a schlepp? That’s Oscar gold. The writing/directing on “Suspects” lay formidable groundwork for Spacey to perform as the keystone for an impeccably oddball cast. His bumbling Verbal Kint acts as a tender foil to a constant stream of roughneck freakouts. With little more than his wits, this badass knows that the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing Chazz Palmenteri that he didn’t exist.

Chevy Chase, Fletch

Light years ahead of the Twitter-quip generation, Chase is at the peak of his powers, dishing out maximum smarm before turding up his career with JTT movies. What makes this role fairly badass is that it is one of the last of a dying breed: that of the snoopy, investigative newspaper reporter. What makes it particularly badass is that Chase has a ball conjuring up characters with names like Dr. Rosenpenis, Dr. Babar and Mr. Poon. The actor has gone on record as saying this was his favorite role, given that director Michael Ritchie often took multiple takes and allowed Chase to riff with whatever came off the top of his dome.

Nicolas Cage, Face/Off

“Castor Troy” is a pretty distinct – if not altogether awful – name. Despite this and other cringe-worthy moments that face-swipe to show affection, Nic Cage keeps John Woo’s ‘97 hit from teetering into cornball territory. Cage’s Castor Troy is the kind of guy who can talk an undercover agent into sucking his tongue. He poses as a priest so he can plant a dirty bomb and goose choir members. He switches sunglasses for no reason. And he delivers a more badass John Travolta impersonation than Dana Carvey.

My grandfather taught me that. Only my grandfather was a baptist who didn’t drink, so he was probably dangerously under-qualified to make up sayings involving poker.

Which is ironic, because poker represents so many facets of life that you’d think religion would embrace it. High drama. Conflict. Intuition. Risk. Defeat. Victory. Movies about war, sports, or poker are always more likely to compel than those that aren’t. Consequently, the dead-eyed, cocky card shark is one of TV and cinema’s most enduring characters. They can’t all be winners, but they can all go down in history with a victory OR a bad beat.

Mike McDermott – Rounders

It pains all of us that only two Rounders characters made the cut, as the seminal film speaks more to the seedy poker lifestyle and a generation much more than any of the older films on this list.

And at the forefront of the Rounders cast of characters is Mike McD, a former rounder gone good, enrolled in law school with his affluent girlfriend. It seems as though he’s a lifetime away from the other characters, but no sooner does his friend Worm get out of jail than Mike gets sucked into the life again, resorting to dealing from the bottom of the deck, hustling trust-fund babies, and taking down golf pros to pay off a friend’s debt.

He’s got a heart of gold, but that doesn’t keep us from loving the end of the film when he decides which path he wants his life to take.

Worm – Rounders

The yin to the yang of Mike McD, Worm completely represents the seedy element of underground gambling. He’s got the chops, which he honed in prison, but as Mike McD says, his judgment’s off, which gets him in quite a pickle. And by “pickle,” I mean “getting kicked repeatedly while curled up in the fetal position after getting caught scamming cops and whatnot.”

You know, “pickles.”

Judgment aside, watching Worm team up with Mike and lay waste to those yuppies, all under the guise of being an overwhelmed loser is a classic and hilarious scene.

Maverick – Maverick

It seems like a lifetime ago that Mel Gibson played someone you could root for, but in his take on the James Garner classic Maverick, he played a fast-living, lovable card shark that set to woo Jodie Foster (also playing against what we now consider type). Bret Maverick went through hell to get to that poker tournament, and that’s impressive, considering other poker players can barely be bothered to tuck in their shirt, take off their headphones, or remove their sunglasses.

Ben – 21

While the adaptation of Bringing Down the House may not offer the most stylized account (how stylish can M.I.T. kids be, anyway?), it’s a true story, which is more than can be said for the other entries on this list. Ben’s got the math skills to keep up with card counting as he and his team take casinos for all they can, but it takes an education in the game and judgment to put rubber to road and get on with the charade.

Ben hits his ups and downs, but in the end, it’s hard to imagine a more formidable collection of scammers than some brainiacs from Boston.

Henry Gondorff – The Sting

In order to set up a long con on mobster Doyle Lonnegan, Henry Gondorff needs to work his way into Lonnegan’s private high-stakes card game. Not only that, but he needs to win the game, which is already rigged. It takes a true card shark to out cheat a cheater at his own table, but Gondorff manages to do just that.

Eric “The Kid” Stoner – The Cincinnati Kid

I don’t care if you’re making a list of the greatest British nannies in film – if Steve McQueen played the role, then he should make the best-of list. It also doesn’t hurt that he played what was probably the quintessential card-sharkin’ hustler until the fellas from Rounders may have knocked him off his throne.

Steve McQueen plays his usual aloof hotshot self, attempting to take down “The Man” (you have to love these character names), played by no less than Edward G. Robinson.

I don’t want to share how it ends, but I will say that it’s pretty remarkable that poker films almost universally avoid the traditionally happy endings.

Eddy – Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels

Eddy can shuffle with one hand, and can own a roomful of pros, but even he isn’t able to beat a cheater. Everyone’s got an angle in this movie, and poor Eddie just wants to play cards. He’s good enough to take everyone in the room, but when he saddles up with his friends’ hard-stolen money it’s hard not to get anxious and sweaty palms.

He’s got the cards and the acumen, but what he doesn’t have is a wireless buzzer and a camera that can see your cards. It doesn’t end well in the game, despite Eddy’s chops. In fact, nothing in that film ends particularly well.

However, as many action stars used their muscles and wraparound sunglasses as a crutch for weak acting, Van Damme quickly made the leap from martial arts star to legit action actor in a manner that Steven Segal can only dream of. In honor of Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning‘s release on Blu-Ray^TM and DVD, here are his seven best films. Your results may vary.

Bloodsport

Perhaps the most durable film of JCVD’s catalog, Bloodsport is a great example of what-you-see-is-what-you-get. Taking some creative liberties with the life story of Frank Dux, the producers let us into the world of underground fighting known as the kumite, in which seedy Asians bet on a (wait for it) Bloodsport where fighters as diverse as those in a video game hammer on each other for sport and glory.

It’s impossible to ignore the parallels between the film and the video game Street Fighter, indicating that the reach of Bloodsport was such that it transcended film and managed to infiltrate other aspects of pop culture.

Universal Soldier

Before Roland Emmerich was going over the top with films like Independence Day, he was cutting his teeth in the action genre with (slightly) less fanfare such as Universal Soldier, which featured futuristic soldiers having at each other as reanimated versions of their Vietnam War-era selves.

Big Bad Dolph Lundgren fashions a necklace made out of ears, and if that doesn’t do it for you, the ambitious scene set upon the Hoover Dam gives us a fascinating glimpse of what’s to come from Mr. Emmerich.

JCVD

Upon learning that Jean-Claude Van Damme is credited as playing “JCVD,” it’s clear that this won’t be a straight up documentary on the action star, but rather a truth-bending interpretation of the action star’s life, in which he plays a struggling, broke actor that is down on his luck and weathered.

It doesn’t always achieve its lofty high-concept ambitions, but it’s a fascinating watch nonetheless to see JCVD go from ass-kicker to uber-vulnerable.

Hard Target

If you can get past the mullet (a ginormous “if”) and get past the denim on denim on denim (probably with lots of turquoise and silver underneath it), you can get to the heart of a really great action film starring an in-his-prime Van Damme directed by an up-and-coming John Woo.

This is Woo at his finest, before he got all cliché and heavy-handed with his imagery and symbolism. It’s bows and arrows and motorcycles and explosions all done in a deft fashion that, for its time, was pushing the boundaries of stale action fare.

Street Fighter

While few would argue this is a “good” film, it’s a fascinating piece of JCVD’s career, as it crosses the same spot on his career arc that Bloodsport does, though in a baroque and stale way. So why watch it unless you want to run through that academic exercise?

Because it’s the archetypical bad video game film that managed to drag some decent talent down with it, namely Raul Julia (sadly, his last film) and Van Damme. Van Damme plays the protagonist Guile, and beyond that, the plot is largely incidental as the film just tosses out reference points to the video game in the hope that will be enough.

It’s not, but it’s incredibly fun and interesting to watch the film try so damn hard.

Breakin’

Sure, JCVD is uncredited here as a spectator during a breakdance scene, but it’s amazing to watch this campy 1984 breakdancing film knowing that somewhere, an undiscovered Jean Claude Van Damme was wandering around the set, speaking with a thick Belgian accent, and wondering if it would be ok if he took another sandwich from the craft services truck.

Kickboxer

Lesson 1: Play to your star’s strengths. Van Damme was rightfully known for and discovered for his prowess as a martial artist, and between this film and Bloodsport, that couldn’t be more clear in the upward trajectory of his career. Any film that has the protagonist dipping his hands in resin and glass is going to have first crack at the number one spot, and this is no exception. In fact, it’s probably the rule.

The name says it all. Kickboxer. We see JCVD kick ass the way it was meant to be kicked, and that’s his legacy.

Though it shares DNA with such well-loved films, that’s where the DNA jokes end. I’ll leave that to Peter Farrelly.

Best In Show

Christopher Guest toed the comedy team waters with Waiting For Guffman but it wasn’t until 2000′s Best In Show that his formula paid off. Longstanding Guest stars Fred Willard, Eugene Levy, Parker Poser, Catherine O’Hara, Michael McKean, Jennifer Coolidge, Jane Lynch and John Michael Higgins (amongst others) improvised their roles hopeful owners competing in a national dog show.

It’s A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World

Starring Spencer Tracy and a murderer’s row of 1960′s comedians share the focus in It’s A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World. The dying words of a thief cast a variety of strangers off on a cross state hunt for $350,000. It’s considered a classic chase film even though it doesn’t star Paul Walker or Vin Diesel.

Anchorman

Will Ferrell and Adam McKay had a crazy idea and Dreamworks let them take a chance on it. The result was not successful by box office standards, but Anchorman has exploded in the years since it’s release. It’s now one of the most quoted films in history and help launch the careers of Steve Carell and Paul Rudd. We wouldn’t have Dinner For Schmucks without this film. I mean that in a nice way.

Spaceballs

Mel Brooks’s take on sci-fi through the lens of Star Wars remains one of his greatest spoofs. It’s also the only list where a grown man dresses like a Jewish Yoda.

The Cannonball Run

A scavenger hunt film in the style of It’s A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World, The Cannonball Run gathered the stars of the day and some of Burt Reynolds‘s buddies. To name a few, Reynolds, Dom DeLuise, Sammy Davis Jr., Farrah Fawcett, Roger Moore, and Adrienne Barbeau star as competiters in an illegal cross country race. When you think about it, Burt Reynolds really was the Adam Sandler of his day.

Caddyshack

Bill Murray and his crazy brothers put together a script based on their adolescence spent at golf courses and the rest is history. Bill Murray, Rodney Dangerfield, and Chevy Chase all in the same film. Not only that, but allowed to do whatever the Hell they wanted to in the same film. And people quote it all the time! So it’s got that going for it.

Airplane!

The Zucker Brothers and Jim Abrahams parlayed the buzz of The Kentucky Fried Movie into the making of Airplane! Based on the action drama films of the 70′s, the filmmakers decided to cast the stone serious actors of that genre. Lloyd Bridges, Leslie Nielsen, and Robert Stack launched successful second careers as comedic actors.

RoboCop

A policeman struck down in the line of duty gained a new lease on life when Omni Consumer Products used him as the subject of their RoboCop initiative. Updating the slain Officer Murphy with super-strength, superior understanding of the law, and a huge gun he holstered in his leg, the criminals of Detroit fell at the hands of a man that got his nutrients from baby food.

Pris

In Blade Runner, Daryl Hannah plays Pris, a replicant who was built as a “basic pleasure model,” which basically means she is a robot prostitute. She’s set at an “A Physical” level, which gives her a high threshold for pain and makes her a pretty impressive gymnast. The combination of the hair, makeup, and flexibility is responsible for many a 1980′s nerd not leaving their bedrooms on sunny days.

Inspector Gadget

When the forces of evil conspire to throw the world into a state of peril, it takes a true hero to act on the part of justice. Sometimes, that hero is a bumbling boob who can pull a bowling ball out of his aluminum butt. Inspector Gadget was once a lowly security guard with dreams of a true and just world. After an injury in the line of duty, he is rebuilt with roller skates, a helicopter, and several other doodads. Take that, evil!

Six Million Dollar Man

After sustaining severe injuries in a rocket crash, astronaut Steve Austin is rebuilt to become The Six Million Dollar Man. His right arm, both legs, and left eye are replaced with expensive (at the time) bionic implants. These give him enhanced strength, speed, and vision. It also makes getting through airport security a real bitch. But whatever. He’s Lee Frickin’ Majors. If anyone can charm his way through the TSA, it’s him. Plus he fought Bigfoot. How cool is that?

Number Six

The best science-fiction series in television history had a lot going for it. But most of what it had going for it was Tricia Helfer’s portrayal of a cybernetic sexbot. While viewers were eventually drawn in by the gut-wrenching plot turns and mystery elements, it was Helfer in a red dress that lured in early eyes.

Ash Williams

Of all the cyborgs on this list, Ash Williams has the craziest origin. Once a man simply looking for a nice weekend in the woods, Ash was attacked by demons, forced to chop off his possessed hand with a chainsaw, sent back in time to the Dark Ages where he adorned his stump with both a chainsaw and a kung fu grip gauntlet which he used to defeat an army of the undead. Let’s see RoboCop do that! No, seriously. I think that would make for a great Robocop movie. Let’s please see RoboCop do that.

Darth Vader

It’s no surprise that the biggest badass in our galaxy as well as those far, far away tops this list. Not only is he immensely strong, fast, and good with a sword but he’s also a pimp when it comes to magic. It’s no wonder he was able to crush so many planets before the Rebel Alliance finally sacked up and stood up to him. It should be noted though that he didn’t technically lose that fight. He only lost because he chose to lose.

Gogo Yubari – Kill Bill

Often overlooked on QT superlative lists, how could she ever be missed? Gogo Yubari makes the list based solely on style and kitsch. The top assassin dresses like a schoolgirl, wields a spiked meteor hammer, and disembowels pervy businessmen. That leaves quite an impression with me.

Shosanna Dreyfus – Inglourious Basterds

The French-Jewish cinema owner who lost her family at the hands of Hans Landa bides her time and plots her revenge. She holds a deep hatred for Nazis and commits herself to their downfall. When a young SS soldier takes a liking to her, she uses this influence to lure the fascists into her trap. Melanie Laurent’s Shosanna is the backbone of Inglourious Basterds and the face of Jewish vengeance.

Mr. Blonde – Reservoir Dogs

Michael Madsen portrays Vincent Vega’s brother with a psychotic cool. Most famous for the scene that put Tarantino on the map, Vic Vega (aka Mr. Blonde) shows extreme cruelty while torturing Marvin the cop – all to the hip-swinging soundtrack of Stealers Wheel’s “Stuck In The Middle With You.” A song that is now synonymous with hacking off ears and dosing people with gasoline. Probably not Stealers Wheel’s intent when they wrote the song.

The Wolf – Pulp Fiction

In a film with so many great characters and strong performances, sometimes less is more. Amongst the cameos from Christopher Walken, Eric Stoltz, and Parker Lewis, stands out Harvey Keitel‘s unforgettable performance as “The Cleaner,” Mr. Wolf. When you’ve got a corpse in a car in a garage minus a head, who else can you depend on to solve that problem? I’m sure there are a handful of folks you can trust in that industry, but will they all show up wearing a tuxedo at 8:50am? No. That’s the Winston Wolfe difference.

Jules Winnfield – Pulp Fiction

You don’t get a wallet touting the status of “Bad Motherfucker” by not being a bad motherfucker. Well, I guess you could just buy one at Spencer’s Gifts but, c’mon. You wanna earn a distinction like that.

Pulp Fiction essentially introduced the world to Samuel L. Jackson and the world has been a better place since. Though he’s played many memorable roles since, the mushroom cloud-layin’, scripture-quoting hitman Jules Winnfield remains a standout. His delivery of Ezekiel 25:17 actually makes church seem awesome. Ball’s in your court, the Pope!

The Bride – Kill Bill

After Pulp Fiction, Uma Thurman reteamed with Tarantino to help co-create his most ass-kicking character. Beatrix Kiddo aka Black Mambo aka The Bride awoke from a coma with a list and a mission — to kill her former boss and co-workers who put her in that state. The highly trained assassin, marksman, swordswoman and the self-proclaimed “most dangerous woman in the world” travels the world armed with Hanzo Steel, killing all who stand in her path. Including an entire dojo full of bloodthirsty Yakuza swordsmen.

Col. Hans Landa – Inglourious Basterds

Tarantino’s most engaging and memorable character to date. Brought to gleeful life by Christoph Waltz, the Jew Hunter exudes an easy charm that makes his existence grotesque and haunting. Yielding great power and an ever-turning mind, he injects terror and tension into something as everyday as adding creme to strudel.

The Fly (1986)

David Cronenberg topped the special effects of the 1958 classic by hiring the Academy Award-winning makeup designers Chris Walas, Inc. That and gore. Tons and tons of gore that still grosses us out today. There’s just something about acidic vomit, y’know?

The Thing (1982)

John Carpenter‘s update on 1951′s The Thing From Another World took memories of that film and cracked its chest open, turned it inside out, and then made it talk through its butt. What I’m trying to say is that Rob Bottin’s practical effects were so shocking and unforgettable, that Carpenter’s film remains the gold standard for sci-fi horror to this day. Also a valuable upgrade from the original: that awesome hat that Kurt Russell wears.

Battlestar Galactica (2003)

When the Syfy Channel announced that it was remaking the beloved space-opera Battlestar Galactica, fans didn’t know what to expect. What they got was mind-blowing. Set aside the fact that the scripts and plotting for Ronald D. Moore’s reimagining were excellent, and focus solely on the special effects. The unique technique of adding pans, zooms, and focus pulls to the computer-rendered space battles brought to mind newsreel footage of World War II and Vietnam, allowing the viewer to sit amongst the action and connect emotionally to the scenes rather than just watching stuff blow up.

Planet Of The Apes (2001)

It’s by no stretch a better film but those apes looked great.

Star Trek (2009)

JJ Abrams breathed an entirely new life into the already established and worshiped franchise by redesigning and rebuilding everything we thought we knew. Also, he added lens flare. So. Much. Lens. Flare.

The Nutty Professor (1996)

What Jerry Lewis was able to do with a silly face back in 1963, Eddie Murphy was able to top with foam latex fat suits and cutting edge visual effects. Rick Baker’s makeup is flawless — turning Eddie Murphy into not one but five distinct characters. Another draw for this film are the stunning transformation scenes by Rhythm & Hues Studios, as Murphy’s Sherman Klump wrestles to control Buddy Love, often ballooning and shrinking right before our eyes.

War Of The Worlds (2005)

Steven Spielberg took what H.G. Wells scared the crap out of radio listeners with and made it visually terrifying. Industrial Light & Magic served as the main effects house working on the film — creating over 500 CGI effects. In order to prevent the film from looking like total crap, the use of blue screen and computer-generated landscapes was kept to a minimum. Instead the computer-animated Tripod creatures were integrated into shot footage and miniatures.

You don’t necessarily need to be a good guy to support the Movember Foundation. For instance, take this bunch of movie villains. They’re all pretty much right bastards, but they do their part for ball and prostate cancer research by rocking some serious Mos. Even the worst of us have our good sides.

I understand that there are six weeks left in this year. And that two of them fall in the month of Movember. So issuing this list now could prevent us from acknowledging some pretty sweet moustaches. However, I’m excited about Movember, it’s my list, and I don’t want to wait anymore. Maybe we’ll put an addendum out on January 2nd or something.

No. We won’t.

Movember is the month where pubescent men around the world grow a cookie duster on their face to raise awareness for ball and prostate cancer. To show our support, we’ve partnered with the Movember Foundation to grow Mos and raise awareness and funds. So head over to the Break Movember page and show your support.

Ron Swanson – Parks and Recreation

Duh. Swanson wears the moustache without so much as a trace of irony. He simply doesn’t understand why the sweat of a man’s upper lip should go unmapped. Consequently, moustache.

Swanson, as we are all painfully aware, is a man’s man. His moustache harkens less to hipsterism and more to the days when boxers sported big handlebar moustaches, and boxing wasn’t called boxing, but rather “fisticuffsmanship.”

Moustache fact: His moustache enables him to wrestle bears.

Richard Harrow – Boardwalk Empire

Half a moustache is still a moustache, especially if that’s all you can grow. This Boardwalk Empire character’s moustache is half-facial and half-on-a-metal-plate-al. Nevertheless, a disenfranchised war veteran who stands up for his friends and serves as a crack shot definitely deserves a ‘stache.

Moustache fact: Even the moustache drawn on Richard Harrow’s metal plate grows and needs to be shaven as, if not more, often as his regular facial one.

Flanders – The Simpsons

The Simpsons may not have the same relevance it did ten years ago (or even fifteen years ago during the halcyon days), but come on. FLANDERS. As sure as the sun rises in the east, as sure as 49.9% of the country is going to bitch about politics, there will always be a Ned Flanders, and that Ned Flanders will always have a moustache to comfort us and keep us warm, but not in a sexual way, because Flanders is too Christian for that.

Dickie Bennett – Justified

In Harlan, the word “manscaping” doesn’t get bandied about too much, which explains the rather unique appearance of the more homespun characters of Justified. At the top of the pile is Dickie Bennett, who has a very pronounced moustache, but nonetheless caused me to double check with a picture, as he’s got weird hair stuff going on all over his head (and possibly below?). The whole thing is pretty confusing.

He’s got a mullet that you’re just as likely to see at SXSW as you are in a holler shootout. But this is about moustaches. And Dickie’s is awesome.

Ron Burgundy – Anchorman 2

While there were no new Ron Burgundy vehicles this year, ole’ Ronnie got back on Conan to announce that he, Brick, Champ, and Brian were all getting back together, possibly with bits of real panther, for a sequel to the oft-quoted film. Ron’s moustache is a testament to his false bravado as much as Swanson’s is to his sincere bravado.

Nonetheless, with a mauve sportcoat and maroon turtleneck, Ron makes it all work.

Heyyyyyyyy Aqualung!!!!!

Archer (as Burt Reynolds) – Archer

It may have just been an affectation, but an affectation of a Burt Reynolds element of style is powerful enough to knock most non-ironic or aspirational facial hair configurations.

He’s Archer, who’s known for being clean shaven and muscular. With the moustache he’s something else entirely. And that “something else” is “even more awesome.”

James Franco – Daily Life

You can try to argue the point that James Franco is an actual person and not some character created out of his own mind. You can try. And I will listen. But after you’re done. I will ask you to click this link, review the points listed therein, and ask that you come back and reassert your claim that these things could be done by an actual, non-self aware person.

Also, Franco’s got a moustache.

But Lawrence of Arabia isn’t alone. Here are our recommendations for other classic guy films that never go out of style.

The Great Escape

In 1942, the Germans build a prison camp they deem inescapable to house the Allied prisoners-of-war who have made several escape attempts in the past. Under the direction of Squadron Leader Roger Bartlett, the POWs assemble to attempt the greatest escape in the history of World War II. The prisoners band together and surreptitiously dig an escape tunnel under the guards’ noses. The second half of the film kicks up the action as the escapees must flee the Gestapo via boats, trains, planes, and most famously — a motorcycle.

The Dirty Dozen

When facing a vicious enemy, you need a more vicious weapon. The Dirty Dozen tells the tale of a US Army Major assigned twelve convicted murderers who he trains to become elite Nazi killers. He then leads them into World War II France to assassinate a multitude of German officers. What makes this such a classic? If the film were made today, one of the team would be an android. Nice show of restraint, Dirty Dozen.

The Getaway

Not to be confused with the Alec Baldwin/Kim Basinger remake from the mid-90′s, The Getaway that we’re talking about is the Sam Peckinpah original starring Steve McQueen and Ali MacGraw. The pair star as a husband and wife who, after his recent release from prison, are dispatched to rob a bank for the sheriff who granted him freedom. Between the corrupt sheriff and a double-crossing partner in crime, McQueen’s Doc McCoy has to be quick on his feet if he wants to ride off into the sunset with his lady.

Cool Hand Luke

Paul Newman stars as a rebellious man sent to a rural prison. He refuses to conform to the rules and restrictions he’s placed under, prompting the guards to attempt to break him by any means necessary. But he stands up to beatings and egg-eating and roof-tarring. The only thing that truly breaks him — ditch-digging. I think we can all agree that digging truly sucks.

Bridge On The River Kwai

While trying to make the most of his time in a Japanese POW camp, a British colonel cooperates with his captors and rallies his men to construct a railway bridge. He sees the bridge as a monument to British morale, and eventually as a monument to himself and his great pride. When the Allies move forward with plans to destroy the bridge, they are met with opposition from the deluded ego that raised it in the first place.

The Godfather I & II

This Francis Ford Coppola classic and its arguably superior sequel tell the tale of two men – father and son – brought into a violent legacy with hopes of a better life for their children. Both men discover that best laid plans are undone by human nature, and once you sacrifice your soul to a dark path, those you love will be forced to walk it for generations to come.

No worries. If you don’t have any kids, I’m sure you could pay these lil’ rascals to fight your wars for you.

You coward.

In honor of the release of Red Dawn on November 21st, here are our six favorite child soldiers from film and television.

Dia – Blood Diamond

As we’ll see, child soldiers are much more a hallmark of less legitimate military forces, often siding with warlords and cartels, rather than state-run armies and forces. Perhaps the most notable example is Dia, who plays the son of Djimon Hounsou’s character in Blood Diamond, a fictionalization of accounts from war-torn Sierra Leone.

The heartbreaking result is a child so brainwashed by his captors/army that he forgets his allegiance and relationship with his father. The outcome is positive, but not without a whole hell of a lot of tension and drama on both ends of the father-son relationship.

Young Mr. Eko – Lost

In a backstory similar to that of Dia in Blood Diamond, we find out Mr. Eko’s origin as a warlord in Lost as he does the big brotherly thing and steps in for his younger sibling. Here too, we are forced to draw the line between “soldier” and “thug,” but it’s clear enough that if you’re going into battle, legitimate or otherwise, you’d probably want Young Mr. Eko on your side.

I mean, look at him!

Jed – Red Dawn (1984)

I understand that including a 1984 Patrick Swayze character is stretching the definition of the word “child,” but this isn’t a deep well to draw from, so I’ll take the boy who quickly elevates to “man” status after the Russians come into the sleepy mountain town.

Jed proves to be something of a badass leader of Red Dawn’s Wolverines, doing most of the heavy lifting in terms of strategy, procurement, hunting, and camping. Without Jed, the Wolverines probably still would have existed, but with a lot less efficacy.

Joan of Arc – Messenger

Luc Besson didn’t pull any punches when he crafted this depiction of Joan of Arc. Rather than show her in a hazy, soft-focus Barbera Walters-light, ole’ Luc gave Joan the Braveheart treatment from beginning to end, offering her as a truly divine weapon of her countrymen against the barbaric English.

Things don’t turn out so great for Joan, but she’s able to leave a trail of death and destruction before her demise, her young age making her feats all the more impressive. Getting bested by a teenage girl, especially if you’re a 15th century soldier, is pretty humiliating, but when the foe at hand is this badass played by Milla Jovovich, it’s pretty understandable.

Sniper Girl – Full Metal Jacket

On a list of children being co-opted for paramilitary uses, it’s a little hard to distinguish between the good guys and the bad guys. And while a civilian Viet Cong sniper doesn’t fall under many people’s idea of “good guys,” when you see who the invisible enemy is, it’s hard not to take a step back and just hate everyone at that moment.

Perhaps the most heart-wrenching scene on this list falls when the U.S. Marines come across their enemy in an abandoned building and forced to determine where they go from there. We never learn her name, or anything about her, other than the fact that when children are involved in these war games, it’s a little murkier than it would be with grown-up soldiers.

The Toy Soldiers Kids – Toy Soldiers

If you tell me that you never daydreamed during class, wondering what course of action your sixth-grade self would take should terrorists take over your school (And why wouldn’t you, your school SUCKS!) then you are a damn liar and don’t deserve this list.

They’re not soldiers in the truest sense, but a whole gaggle of prep school kids sure do manage to raise hell for the violent intruders who attempt to impose their will on a bunch of tweens. Who do they think they are, parents or something?

Jeffrey Jones

Not Jeffrey Jones’s character from Ferris Bueller. Not Jeffrey Jones’s character from Beetlejuice. Not even Jeffrey Jones’s character from Stay Tuned. Just Jeffrey Jones the guy.

Toby from Paranormal Activity

We just don’t have the technology to pull off invisible. Yet.

Ang Lee’s Hulk

The Hulk was the breakout star from this summer’s The Avengers and you’ll likely see many green, roided out trick r’ treaters. However, they’ll all have the pouty lips and puppy dog eyes of Mark Ruffalo. It’s very unlikely that you’ll see Ang Lee‘s Hulk out this Halloween. Even at hipster parties.

Captain Barack Sparrow

I’m mad that I just thought this one up. Otherwise, I would have totally made this my costume.

Eugene Levy’s Character from Bringing Down the House

If this were Halloween 2003, maybe. But this is 2012 and after 15 American Pie spin-offs and sequels, America has reached its Eugene Levy saturation point. It’s going to take a heck of a Christopher Guest film to reverse that.

Mac & Me

You might get points for creativity and willingness to think outside of the box, but you are absolutely not getting any ass. Unless you’re already in need of a wheelchair. In which case, very creative!

Anyone From Prometheus

Too soon. Too soon. You’d be better off going as a character from Innocence of Muslims.

Peter Parker’s Web Slingers – The Amazing Spider-Man

In the latest edition of Spider-Man, coming out on Blu-ray™ and DVD November 9, Parker takes the easy way out and builds mechanical web slingers, rather than develop them genetically, like a TRUE superhero. Just kidding. I actually find the mechanical web slingers much more impressive than the evolved ones, if only because this Peter Parker had to work to develop them, rather than just let it happen to him like another Spider-Man portrayer. Let’s just call him “Toby M.” for the sake of anonymity.

Batterang – The Batman Movies and TV Show

What’s remarkable about this homemade gadget is that it simply defies explanation. It explodes, it sometimes returns, sometimes it’s remote controlled, and it can travel incredible distances at ridiculous speeds. Why? Because Batman. That’s why.

The Tim Burton and Chris Nolan installments have done their best to distance themselves from the campy TV show, but no one can resist the subdued charm of the batterang. Not sure if I should capitalize “batterang…”

Ash’s Chainsaw Hand – Evil Dead 2

While it might not be the most ingenious weapon, it is the most hard-core and bad ass. In the series, Ash (played by Bruce Campbell) undergoes a series of unfortunate catastrophes that cause his hand to be possessed, then cause him to cut it off, replacing it with a chainsaw. It’s not exactly rocket science, but, coming from a guy that calls a shotgun his “boom stick,” it’s to be expected.

The Bolt Shooter – The Good Son

Sometimes bad people make great weapons, and nowhere is that more apparent than in The Good Son, a film that stars Macauley Culkin as the bad guy (boy). And oh, is he ever bad. He does lots of terrible things, like causing wrecks on the freeways by throwing dummies off of bridges, but the most heartless thing he can muster up is taking out a ferocious dog with a weird bolt-gun-crossbow hybrid. He’s a horrible, horrible boy, but his fabrication abilities are off the charts.

Charlie Kelly’s Rat-Bashing Stick – It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia

(I am aware this isn’t his actual rat stick, but I figured an action sequence was more profound than gadget accuracy.)
When you kill as many rats as Charlie does, you get that thousand-yard stare in your eyes that comes hand-in-hand with the crushing pain of recognizing your own mortality. Fortunately for Charlie, killing rat families just got a whole lot easier with his rat-bashing stick, a modified baseball bat that features a whole slew of pointy nails and a chain or something. It’s probably the crudest device on this list, but when you see how it warms Charlie’s heart, it might also be the most endearing!

Data’s Telescoping Boxing Glove – The Goonies

I’ll be honest. This is the first device that came to mind, but I’m having a really hard time coming to terms with the efficacy of it. First of all, if you’re going to punch someone to cause them harm, using a padded glove to do it sort of defeats the purpose and mitigates the damage done. Sort of cartoon-y for a film that otherwise offers a sincere and real look at a, um, group of kids that are hunting for treasure and who accidentally stumble upon a pirate armada.

Ok. So the boxing glove is probably in keeping with the premise of the movie.

The Proton Pack – Ghostbusters

Please don’t tell me how a Proton Pack works. Not interested. All I know is that they suck ghosts into a backpack, where they are held until it’s time to more or less incinerate them in a big ghost oven. Or something like that. You know how I know these Proton Packs are homemade? Well, for one, they look like crap. And two, they’re not foolproof. In fact, they’re downright dangerous.

Never ever cross the streams of two Proton Packs. You won’t like the result.

It looks to be a terrifying addition to the world of found footage films. We’ll know for sure when it opens in theaters on Friday, October 12th. In the meantime, have a look at the predecessors who will go down in history as fright classics.

Chronicle

Chronicle enjoyed a successful run in theaters thanks to some really strong word of mouth. In fact, the reaction so far has been “OMG!!!1!!!!!!!!BESTFILMEVAR!1,” which is pretty high praise, I’d say. The combination of little-known talent and cost-effective but awesome special effects made for a great movie, even though the pay-off doesn’t really do justice to the build-up.

REC

This story of a virus taking over an apartment building keeps the viewer guessing throughout. No character is safe, and those you’d expect to make it to the end credits meet abrupt demises. Before standing back up and going completely rabid on their surviving neighbors. You’ll want to deadbolt your doors after watching.

Cloverfield

Like Chronicle, Cloverfield was another winter found footage release that cleaned up at the box office. However, the Godzilla-esque monster movie suffered after its first week due to negative word of mouth. Which is insane, because it’s a great movie. Audiences found fault with the shaky camera work and lack of a typical Hollywood ending. Pretty harsh to bash something for switching up the same tired formula. That’s why you guys have all of those Vin Diesel movies.

The Paranormal Activity Series

Though it has collected its share of detractors, Oren Peli’s Paranormal Activity films clean up at the box office for good reason. They’re really, really creepy. The camera techniques introduced in each of the films crank up the scares of The Blair Witch Project by layering the suspense with inventive devices. In other words, it takes the house Blair Witch built and makes its walls bleed.

The Blair Witch Project

 

Though not the first to use the style, it’s definitely the film that brought found footage to the mainstream. That’s not to say it’s not original or well done. Filmmakers cast their lead actors and then sent them out into the woods with cameras. No script. They literally left people in tents and then fucked with them at night. The result was a pretty organic and frightening ride-alone.

]]> http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/5-greatest-found-footage-films-of-all-time/feed/ 0 http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/the-7-best-movie-face-offs/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/the-7-best-movie-face-offs/#comments Tue, 25 Sep 2012 00:53:37 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=251117 It’s said that there are seven basic plots for storytelling: man vs. nature, man vs. man, man vs. the environment, man vs. machines/technology, man vs. the supernatural, man vs. self, man vs. god/religion. While they’re all pretty tantalizing, and each type of plot has certainly produced its share of masterpieces, something about man on man action really gets our motor running.

Wait. That doesn’t sound right.

Face-offs are often the culmination of this struggle, seen throughout time, and in the upcoming time-travel thriller Looper, which hits theaters this Friday, September 28th. It features not only man vs. man, but man vs. self, so you’re really getting two plot devices for the price of one, which means you can’t afford NOT to go see Looper.

Die Hard – (John McClane vs. Hans Gruber)

For most of Die Hard, John McClane exists as a rogue cop, his only connection to the criminals and the authorities being their disembodied voices over a walkie talkie.

As he slowly becomes a thorn in the side of uber-villain Hans Gruber, it’s clear that this isn’t the type of conflict that gets resolved talking about one’s feelings. McClane shows up to the dance with a pistol taped to his back, and ends up letting Hans fall to his death from the top of Nakitomi Plaza.

If I spoiled that for you, it’s on you. How the hell haven’t you seen Die Hard yet?

Heat – (Lt. Vincent Hanna vs. Neil McCauley)

The tagline for this film was “A Los Angeles Crime Saga,” and never has the word “saga” been more appropriate. We see both sides of the law, with each one existing in a world of gray. De Niro’s criminal and Pacino’s cop play a game of cat and mouse, and one could argue that the showdown comes a good 45 minutes before the end of the film. A ballsy daylight bank robbery sees the cops go head to head with the crooks, and the rest of the film essentially involves tying up loose ends, albeit pretty important ones.

No matter which scene you consider the showdown, Heat delivers.

Highlander (The Highlander vs. The Kurgan)

There can be only one, and whenever you match up a Scot with anyone else, from this world or another one, you must bet on the Scot. The Simpsons taught us that, and my (admittedly late) viewing of The Highlander reinforced it as power-hungry forces from nether worlds are brought down by good-intentioned Scots.

The showdown is worth watching simply to marvel at the size of the Claymore sword that the Highlander brandishes. Guys with swords that big generally don’t lose.

Scotland: F*ck Yeah.

Harry Potter (Harry Potter vs. Valdemort)

Potter. Valdemort. It’s go time. They spent so long setting up this conflict that by the time the showdown finally hits the fan in Deathly Hallows Part 2, we’re all beyond ready for the fireworks. Fortunately, they don’t disappoint. Valdemort just kicks his ass and evil prevails for the rest of eternity.

Ok, not really. One can also guess how this turns out, but it’s a testament to J.K. Rowling and the filmmakers that we can still lose ourselves in the world even though we’re pretty sure the good guys are going to win.

Terminator 2 – (T-1000 vs. T-800)

While Sarah and her son John Connor are caught in the middle of the warring factions, make no mistake: Terminator 2 is a film about the fight between two robotic soldiers from the future, the T-1000 and the antiquated T-800.

While they interact a few times during the film, it’s clear that the stage is being set for a showdown, which takes place at a foundry. It’s not surprise who is able to come out on top, but watching the showdown offers an immensely satisfying ending to the story laid out by both installments. (We’re going to pretend the later ones didn’t happen, ok?)

Se7en – (Detective David Mills vs. John Doe)

It may not be action packed, but what the final scene in Se7en lacks in violence, it more than makes up for in tension. It’s clear from the outset that nothing is going to plan as John Doe turns himself in, taking the detectives on one last outing before submitting to the mercy of the justice system.

David Fincher masterfully sets up the showdown, offering up far more questions than answers, and ratcheting up the tension, offering up a very somber car ride which John Doe banks on being his last.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly – (Blondie vs. Angel Eyes)

If that clip doesn’t sell you on why this film makes the list, then nothing I can say or do will help my cause. The music, the insanely slow boil, the camera angles, Clint Eastwood before he held conversations with furniture…this film has it all.

And then they all shoot each other. This one gets the award of delivering what it promises in the title and throughout the film.

]]> http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/the-7-best-movie-face-offs/feed/ 0 http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/7-time-travel-movies-that-will-blow-your-mind/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/7-time-travel-movies-that-will-blow-your-mind/#comments Wed, 19 Sep 2012 20:01:21 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=251028 Hollywood has a fondness for time travel, if only because it’s the ultimate fiction. No one (that I know, anyway) dabbles in time travel. It’s fantastic in the literal sense of the word, and one of the best things about movies is that we get to enjoy stories that have very little to do with our regular lives. That said, you should delight in this list of time travelling films if you’re sick of your day to day life. If you are currently time travelling, you probably have bigger fish to fry than this list, but you might want to take some time to check out Looper, a time travellin’ action film that hits theaters on September 28th.

With that, here are seven time travel films that will blow your mind.

Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure

Perhaps the most notable conduit to the principles of time travel that exists in popular culture, this film harnesses the powers of time travel to revisit seminal periods in history for the purpose of… getting a good grade on a history presentation. More impressive than the time travel itself (it was a magic phone booth that appeared at Circle K) was the duo’s ability to capture Genghis Khan. That guy had to have been pretty well protected, no? And the same for Abraham Lincoln. No wonder that guy ended up getting shot.

Back to the Future

All Marty McFly wanted to do was escape from the Lybians who gunned down his friend Doc Brown. However, once he hit 88 MPH in the mall parking lot, he found himself travelling back to his dad’s high school days. Hijinks ensue. Hijinks ensue BIG TIME.

This film taught us that what we do when we travel to the past has serious ramifications in the present, like sleeping with our moms, which shouldn’t be done in the past, present, or future, regardless of how much they flirt with you when they are in high school.

Groundhog Day

While this doesn’t follow the formula in the usual sense, the film is about a guy who lives the same day over and over. That’s time travel to me.

It also sounds like an incredibly maddening existence. I can’t say I would be able to hack it like he did, but he really didn’t have a choice. He tried to find a million ways to off himself in the process, but to no avail. He kept waking up in the same bed & breakfast, listening to the same obnoxious radio DJs.

I guess he just needed the love of Andie MacDowell to snap him out of it, which is pretty weird, because I would think that Andie MacDowell would put me in an inescapable funk, not take me out of one.

Source Code

Source Code is a lot like Groundhog Day, only if Groundhog Day was the day you died and thousands of other people died with you. So it’s really very little like Groundhog Day, but Jake Gyllenhaal DOES live the same period of time over and over. And he does manage to fall in love.

Also at the end of the film, rather than find love and live happily like Bill Murray does, Jake finds love, and we find out that he’s burned to a crisp with no arms or legs. So… there’s that.

The Terminator

In this film, the time travel is largely incidental. After all, it’s about a killing machine going around and killing people. But the greater purpose has to do with a future war. As such, Arnold Schwarzenegger is sent back in time to kill the mom of human military leader John Connor, ensuring that he won’t be born and the robots win in a walk.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is sent back through time nude, which leads us to believe, in the canon of time travel depiction, that clothes can’t travel through time nearly as well as people. So you might just want to keep your clothes in the era they are already in.

Hot Tub Time Machine

It’s right there in the title. Not unlike Snakes on a Plane, it’s pretty clear that the producers just went with a ridiculous title and worked backwards from there. But with Rob Corddry, Craig Robinson, and John Cusack in the cast, it stands up better than it has a right to. Also, ridiculous 80′s throwback movies are like pizza: even when they’re bad, they’re still pretty good.

Looper

Unlike The Terminator, which sends the assassin back in time to kill its target, Looper sends the target thirty years back to an awaiting gunman. However, when the assassin finds out that he’s being paid to kill a future version of himself and “close the loop,” well, let’s just say things don’t really go so smoothly.

On a related note, I think that the worst thing you could ever ask me to do is kill my future self. I love my future self, and would do anything to protect him. Even if he was Bruce Willis, which would make me a little upset, but only because I don’t want to go bald.

]]> http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/7-time-travel-movies-that-will-blow-your-mind/feed/ 0 http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/5-greatest-movie-cameos-by-ufc-fighters/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/5-greatest-movie-cameos-by-ufc-fighters/#comments Mon, 17 Sep 2012 13:48:06 +0000 Joseph Gibson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=250939 In addition to being the world’s premiere mixed martial arts fighting league, the Ultimate Fighting Championship is also known for producing some of the stage and screen’s finest thespians. Here are just five examples of the emotional resonance and unforgettable characterizations that come from years in the UFC octagon. And if you’d like to see more UFC-inspired screen acting that makes the Stanislavski Method look like an afternoon tea party, check out Here Comes the Boom, starring Kevin James, opening on October 12th.

Andrei Arlovski, Universal Soldier: Regeneration

In the surprisingly-good sequel/reboot to the Universal Soldier franchise, action legends Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren are reunited in a stripped-down science fiction thriller that doesn’t have any of the goofy comic relief of previous installments. And you might guess that Andrei Arlovksi, the UFC fighter who has to share the screen with those two titans, would be crowded out. But you’d be wrong – Arlovski’s turn as the NGU definitely holds its own against Van Damme and Lundgren.

Randy Couture, The Expendables

Of all the UFC fighters to pass through motion picture history, Randy Couture is probably the one who’s made the biggest mark. He’s one of The Expendables, after all – and he got to come back in the sequel earlier this year. And although Couture doesn’t exactly light the screen on fire as demolitions expert Toll Road when compared to his (much more experienced) partners like Sylvester Stallone, Dolph Lundgren, and company, he’s still better than Liam Hemsworth.

Quinton Jackson, The A-Team

There are few 1980s TV actors as iconic as Mr. T who played B. A. Baracus on The A-Team. So it’s telling that the producers of the big-screen remake cast UFC superstar Quinton “Rampage” Jackson in the part. And Jackson gets the chance to play a different Baracus from the one on the TV show. For much of the film, B.A. is an avowed pacifist! But don’t worry, he starts beating people up in due time.

Keith Jardine, Crank: High Voltage

Jason Statham stars in the batshit-insane sequel to his cult hit Crank, and he’s not wanting for company. Some of the celebrity guest stars to make cameos in High Voltage are porn star Ron Jeremy, Linkin Park’s Chester Bennington, Tool’s Maynard James Keenan, and UFC fighter Keith Jardine. Jardine may not be the most entertaining part of the movie, but his unexpectedly innocuous walk-in as a passerby should be pretty amusing to UFC fans.

Tito Ortiz (and others), Cradle 2 the Grave

If cameo appearances from UFC fighters are your bag, then Cradle 2 the Grave probably occupies a place of pride in your DVD collection. In an extended sequence involving underground cage fighting, several UFC fighters play the cage girls – just kidding. They play the cage fighters. Chuck Liddell, Tito Ortiz, and future Expendables star Randy Couture all make appearances, as well as kickboxer Héctor Echavarría. Hooray, fighting!

]]> http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/5-greatest-movie-cameos-by-ufc-fighters/feed/ 0 http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/8-of-the-coolest-mistakes-in-the-indiana-jones-franchise/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/8-of-the-coolest-mistakes-in-the-indiana-jones-franchise/#comments Thu, 13 Sep 2012 16:54:03 +0000 Jason Epstein http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=250982 In celebration of the impending release of Indiana Jones: The Complete Adventures on Blu Ray^TM, we want to take a moment to look back on some of Indy’s most interesting production inaccuracies, while refraining from pointing out all the hardcore factual errors. Because let’s be honest; Jewish ghosts, mind-exploding aliens, heart-stealing Thuggee’s and thousand-year-old crusade knights have always given the Indiana Jones movies no chance of achieving historical or scientific accuracy.

“High-Tech” Safety Measures

The Movie: Raiders of the Lost Ark

The Scene: The Well of Souls

The Mistake: As Indy falls to the ground, he’s confronted by a hissing Cobra. But take a careful look (if you own the VHS, as this was taken out of the DVD and Blu Ray versions) and you’ll see the snake’s reflection on the safety glass that had been placed between it and Mr. Ford.

Belloq Eats a Bug While Threatening to Blow up the Ark

The Movie: Raiders of the Lost Ark

The Scene: Canyon Stand-Off

The Mistake: Numerous flies can be seen buzzing around the canyon as Indy and Belloq face off, but the most identifiable, and yes, probably the most famous fly in history is the one that can be seen flying into Belloq’s mouth…never to emerge. So, did he eat it? According to actor Paul Freeman, the fly did fly away, but it was edited (as an inside joke) to look like it disappeared into his mouth.

Indy Gets Shot, Doesn’t Notice

The Movie: Temple of Doom

The Scene: Rope-Bridge Stand-off

The Mistake: After his stand-off with Mola Rom and the Thuggee’s deteriorates and he decides to cut the bridge, Indy, now in a vertical climb, struggles to keep from falling as he’s being shot at with bows and arrows. Try as he might, he’s hit with two arrows…that bounce off his back harmlessly. Nice.

What’s the Deal with that Random Unconscious Guy?

The Movie: Raiders of the Lost Ark

The Scene: Fight on the Runway

The Mistake: Before it was cut, there was a scene just after the Well of Souls escape where Indy pushes a large stone out of the mummy room and finds an Arab man guarding the exit. So Indy simply knocks the guy unconscious. Though the scene never made it into the film, you can still see evidence of its existence: when Indy initially climbs out of the mummy chamber he looks off to the left where the guard would have been. Then, when Indy and Marion are running from the Well of Souls to the plane, the unconscious guard can be seen in the background.

The Stone Wall Head Bounce

The Movie: Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

The Scene: The Library Catacombs

The Mistake: Beneath the library in Venice, Indy and Elsa run into a few obstacles while on their search for the tomb of Sir Richard. One of these is a damaged stone wall they need to get through. Indy uses his shoulder as a battering ram, but you can actually see his head bounce off the rock pretty hard as he’s breaking through. Ouch! Good thing its fake rock, otherwise that could have been the end of the movie right there.

The Nazis Accommodate Indy By Driving Over a Continuous, Body-Sized Trench

The Movie: Raiders of the Lost Ark

The Scene: The Truck Chase

The Mistake: While climbing underneath the ark truck, you can clearly see that Indy is laying in a depressed area of the road. This was actually a trench, dug right down the middle of the road to provide stuntman Vic Armstrong with the necessary room to complete the dangerous stunt.

What Magic is This?

The Movie: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

The Scene: Area 51 Escape

The Mistake: At the end of Crystal Skull’s frenetic opening sequence, Indy’s escapes, hurtling through the prairie from the Area 51 warehouse on a rocket sled, which comes to a pretty abrupt stop in a pool of water. In real life, this would be like a major car crash with no seat belts, yet Indy and Dovchenko aren’t thrown from the sled. While this isn’t the first or last physics conundrum of the Indy films, the weirdest thing here is that you can actually see that the rocket’s chair has seat belt straps on it for just such a ride. We can either attribute this to being overlooked by the props staff or Spielberg just preferring to completely mock the laws of physics with a visibly unused safety device.

Are Those Snakes Dead?

The Movie: Raiders of the Lost Ark

The Scene: The Well of Souls

The Mistake: Despite getting a ton of snakes for the Well of Souls scene, Spielberg and Lucas couldn’t seem to get quite enough to really make the floor seem like it was made of them as they’d intended. Running up against a tight time schedule, they improvised by cutting up water hoses and layering them amongst the real snakes. Take a closer look and you’ll see which are which.

]]> http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/8-of-the-coolest-mistakes-in-the-indiana-jones-franchise/feed/ 0 http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/5-video-game-adaptations-that-got-it-right/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/5-video-game-adaptations-that-got-it-right/#comments Tue, 11 Sep 2012 17:00:25 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=250761 Video game adaptations to film (rightfully) have a bad rap. Most of them are thrown together haphazardly to offer mindless entertainment to teenage boys, who aren’t exactly arbiters of great cinema. However, just as broken clocks are right twice a day, video game adaptations can become good films, even if it might not happen very often.

The latest such adaptation, Resident Evil: Damnation hits Blu-Ray ^TM and DVD on September 25th. This particular film is a visually stunning departure made entirely with computer graphics and it actually serves as an in-depth story prequel to the upcoming Resident Evil 6 video game, unlike the live-action Resident Evil series.

In honor of Resident Evil: Damnation, let’s go through recent history to find some other films that raised the bar for video game adaptations.

Street Fighter

Say what you want about the writing and plot, but this film stayed very true to its source material, offering up a generation’s characters in the form of Jean-Claude Van Damme and Raul Julia(!)

Aside from a few prior cinematic missteps, this was the world’s first large-scale introduction to video game movies, and it carried the flag dutifully.

Tomb Raider

Taking things up a notch was Tomb Raider, which followed the exploits of the original video game vixen (sorry, Princess Peach), Lara Croft. The outfit was worn very well by Angelina Jolie, who put on the short shorts, tank top, and dual pistols. This movie served as an updated Indiana Jones for the ADD.

The effects were top-notch, the story wasn’t breathtaking, but was strong, and Angelina Jolie… well, let’s just say that none of those things really even matter when you’ve got Angelina doing her thing in short shorts and firing weapons.

But if those things DID matter, I would also mention the acting of both Jolie and her dad, Jon Voight.

Hitman

While Grand Theft Auto hasn’t yet gotten the adaptation treatment (and giving its sprawling nature, how could it?), Hitman comes closer than any at replicating GTA’s grittiness on the big screen. The story is violent and fast-paced in a manner reminiscent of The Transporter or Crank, which means that it’s capable of crossing over to serve both the teenage market and older fans of cutthroat action films.

Further, Timothy Olyphant generally plays a world-weary badass in every single one of his roles, but in this one, he’s especially violent and merciless, Natch.

Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within

When your video game is called “Final Fantasy,” it’s hard to keep the film adaptation confined to the realm of realism, so the producers of this film made it a CGI spectacular, offering up lifelike characters (not the creepy ones that mo-cap creates) amid a beautiful story.

The fact that this film was based on a video game may have served as a hindrance, as it is very reminiscent of Spirited Away, a film that achieved widespread acclaim using the same tactics, and perhaps a less engaging story.

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

Though it didn’t get the critical acclaim or box office take that fans of the game had hoped for, Prince of Persia is finding a second life after all the haters have grown hoarse. Many of the enthusiasts are probably woman excited to get a shirtless Jake Gyllenhaal up on the big screen, but whatever. That doesn’t mean they’re wrong.

The epic involves a serious budget, and with Gemma Arterton and Ben Kingsley, let’s hope this sets the stage for a new, bigger, more serious era for video game movies.

]]> http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/5-video-game-adaptations-that-got-it-right/feed/ 0 http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/6-comic-book-adaptations-that-deserve-a-do-over/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/6-comic-book-adaptations-that-deserve-a-do-over/#comments Thu, 06 Sep 2012 17:23:55 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=250685 Comic book movies are hit or miss. That probably goes without saying, but every list article like this needs an introduction, and that was mine. The sentence after that demonstrates playful self-awareness, and this sentence is just taking up space.

The “miss” comic book films are more often than not the fault of the film team, because it’s not like comic books are amazing source material. They’re basically high-level stories about men or boys in costumes that solve cities from men who somehow became lizard men. Basically.

However, some are better than that, and as such, deserve better adaptations. These are those. Read.

Dick Tracy

Let me start off by saying that I liked Dick Tracy a lot. I thought that Warren Beatty was perfect for the role, and the cartoony production was terrific in everything from the performances to the costumes to the set design.

But it could have gone another direction entirely and been reminiscent of Nolan’s Batman. The words “gritty reboot” send a goddamn chill down my spine because they’re bandied about so readily on tired projects. But Dick Tracy has all the elements of film noir but in a fashion accessible to the masses. It could have been a very powerful film had it taken a more earnest approach.

Not because the original failed, but because it went so surely in another direction, I think DT is due for an RM.

RM stands for remake, but having to explain all this to you is negating the timesaving properties of the abbreviation. Shit.

The Phantom

I don’t know The Phantom from a hole in the ground, but I do know that I sure like talking about Billy Zane, so The Phantom makes the list. The Phantom harkens back to the age of radio, offering a different type of hero and different type of story.

A hero who existed in a simpler time offers plenty of potential both as a straightforward action flick or as a tongue-in-cheek comedy a la Starsky and Hutch. Also, if you’re going to include Zane in a film, put the spotlight on Zane. I just looked up “zany” in a dictionary I wrote myself, and it said, “Of or pertaining to the style and methods of Billy Zane.

It should be zanier. Like, Zoolander zany. He’s the most ridiculous person in the world. Don’t cover him in a damn mask. It’s disrespectful.

Judge Dredd

Yes, Dredd‘s remake hits theaters September 21st. And it deserves it not only because Dredd is a cool character, but also because the first iteration had both Sylvester Stallone and Rob Schneider. Ouch.

I’m hoping this new version does well and spawns some sequels, because maybe a Friday the 13th-style series of movies will cause us to forget the faulty original that started it all.

This has to happen because…

I am the law.

Steel

I’m not saying Steel is a really good comic book character or story. It’s not really. But it’s not “Shaquille O’Neal” bad. Shaq’s public infatuation over Superman reportedly helped get him the gig as this DC hero who appears to be wearing a very, very cheap Halloween costume.

Also, in case you guys didn’t know, Shaq is a terrible actor. For real. It deserves at least a Damon Wayans, and at most a Donald Glover. In fact, most every superhero on this list would benefit from the inclusion of some Glover.

Popeye

I don’t want to say Robin Williams makes everything worse, but when Robert Altman (!) signed him up for Popeye, he was basically getting an actual cartoon character to play a fictional cartoon character. And it didn’t go well. It didn’t appeal to the masses, and it wasn’t weird enough to be a cult hit. It was like Toys, which also featured Robin Williams, which is to say that it was unremarkably bad.

I mean, if you’re going to make Popeye, at least fail spectacularly. Let’s give it to Lars Von Trier and make Michael Bay assistant director. That should be good for…something.

The Rocketeer

Disney thought this comic deserved a second chance, because they’re giving her the ole’ reboot effective a couple months ago. Not bad.

To be fair, I always liked The Rocketeer. I thought Timothy Dalton was an awesome Nazi, I loved the Art Deco stylized nature of the film, and Paul Sorvino played a mobster that teamed up with the G-Men against the Nazis. All upside.

I also enjoyed the original Rocketeer’s relative anonymity.

But, the special effects were pretty weak, and if you’re going to make a movie about a guy with a special jetpack, let’s not skimp in that arena, ok?

]]> http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/6-comic-book-adaptations-that-deserve-a-do-over/feed/ 0 http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/jean-claude-van-damme%e2%80%99s-7-most-memorable-roles/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/jean-claude-van-damme%e2%80%99s-7-most-memorable-roles/#comments Tue, 04 Sep 2012 19:01:24 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=250555 Jean-Claude Van Damme has enjoyed a career as one of the most successful action stars of his generation, having starred in dozens of films that served as not only domestic, but international hits as well. From when he burst onto the scene in the late 80’s, JCVD offered a softer European sensibility not found with the Stallones, Willises, or Vin Diesels of the world. Most recently, JCVD has starred in 6 Bullets, available on DVD 9/11, which follows a mercenary with an expertise in finding missing children. Caveat emptor to those who dare cross the Muscles from Brussels.

While Van Damme’s work is numerous, we’ve put together a list of 7 of his most memorable roles for you to bask in. So bask away. BASK, OK?

Guile – Street Fighter

I don’t want to alarm you here, but many of JCVD’s roles included herein are of a martial artistic bend. Setting the tone will be the be-flattopped Street Fighter character of Guile, by far the most handsome of the U.S.’s representatives in the arcade sensation.

It’s not the first time Van Damme has been asked to play American. And while his accent isn’t perfect, his linguistic shortcomings are completely overshadowed by his ability to completely kick ass.

And (SPOILER ALERT) he takes care of business, knocking down the oh-so-evil M. Bison.

Frank Dux – Bloodsport

Unlike Guile, Frank Dux was a real dude, and while Bloodsport took a few creative liberties with the Dux story, it set the benchmark for late-80’s/early-90’s martial arts films, serving as the springboard to the apex of JCVD’s career.

Van Damme carried this story nicely and the quality of the film (no, really) and the performances by both Jean-Claude and Forrest Whitaker allow this film to transcend the painfully eighties production and catapult this work into “legendary” status.

Himself – JCVD

After over a decade of mild scandals and straight-to-DVD films, Jean Claude Van Damme found his way back into mainstream cinemas and wide(ish) release going the meta route and playing a fairly fictionalized version of himself, an actor on the downward slope of his career (true), caught in the heist of a post office (false).

The film offers up a six-minute monologue where JCVD breaks the fourth wall and addresses the audience about his real life. It’s as weird as it sounds, but weird was enough to get Van Damme back in the popular lexicon, so JCVD gets a spot on this list.

Alex Wagner and Chad Wagner – Double Impact

That’s right. One entry on this list is actually two roles. I’ll give you a second to wipe your blown mind off your computer screen. He was nominated for an MTV Movie Award for “Most Desirable Male,” but didn’t take it home, sadly. This film is a standout in JCVD’s filmography because it was written and produced by him as well.

The film follows long-lost twins as they team up together to avenge their parents’ murders.

Chance Boudreaux – Hard Target

Ok. This was a John Woo-directed film, featured Van Damme at the apex of his career, and is by all accounts, a beyond-solid action film.

But that’s not why it’s in the canon of JCVD’s most memorable roles. Rather…

It’s the mullet. Oh, that mullet. It’s hard to see beyond that. It’s like asking someone to read a pocket bible while shining a hunting spotlight in their eyes. It’s like asking someone if they hear that squeak outside while blaring Skrillex in their ears. I could go further into this point, but I would rather just let the pic speak for itself. If you’re not on board, I…I don’t know how I can help you.

Luc Devereaux – Universal Soldier

If you thought an America cyborg soldier wouldn’t be programmed with a Belgian accent, you would be wrong, my friend. DEAD WRONG. Universal Soldier pitted Van Damme against Dolph Lundgren in one of blockbuster director Roland Emmerich’s first big-name films.

The film had a budget that surpassed Van Damme’s earlier (and later) work, and was considered a modest hit in America. However, abroad it fared much better, helping cement the Belgian actor’s status as a global action star.

Kurt Sloane – Kickboxer

The name says it all. Kickboxer, like Bloodsport, served as a vehicle to showcase Jean-Claude’s natural gymnastic and martial arts abilities, making it a natural early hit for the actor. The film is best known for containing scenes in which the fighters dip their hands in resin, then in broken glass, a move so badass it makes me want to throw my laptop against the wall in excitement.

]]> http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-lists/jean-claude-van-damme%e2%80%99s-7-most-memorable-roles/feed/ 0