On Tuesday it was officially announced that Eddie Murphy will host the 2012 Academy Awards. Obviously he will share co-hosting duties with his sister and uncle, both of whom will be played by Eddie in a fat suit.

This announcement ended six months of speculation that began immediately after last year’s abysmal effort by Anne “What The Hell Is Comedic Timing?” Hathaway and James “Maybe I Should Just Pick One Or Two Hobbies And Stick With Them” Franco.

Of course, most observers figured the Academy would go with someone familiar and safe (and named Billy Crystal) this time around. However, it turns out that the producer of the 2012 telecast, Brett Ratner, was looking for someone a little less “safe” and a little more, I don’t know, starring in a film he directed that is being released this November. So they went with Eddie Murphy even though he is clearly past his comedic prime, having appeared in precisely two good films since the turn of the millennium.

Now, as evidenced by their attempt to be hip and connect with the youngsters last year, the Academy generally tries to choose a host who is at least somewhat commercially relevant. So this decision struck me as a little strange. If Murphy can’t entertain people with his movies, which last about 90 minutes, how the hell is he going to keep 300 million people glued to the tube for four and a half hours this February? Sure, Eddie is a comedy legend, and he would have been a fantastic host back in 1993. But have you seen Meet Dave?

That being said, I don’t particularly enjoy going against the grain. In fact, I love the establishment. If “the man” writes something on the wall, I read it and don’t ask questions. So if this “picking Oscar hosts who were really awesome 15 years ago” thing is the direction the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences wishes to go, that’s cool. I even have a few suggestions for other has-been Hollywood types the Academy might want to keep in mind for the future. You’re welcome, guys.

Chevy Chase

In his prime, Chevy Chase was a physical comedy genius and a true master of the dry one-liner. He rose to stardom as an original cast member of Saturday Night Live, then parlayed that notoriety into a successful movie career, making classic comedic turns in such films as Caddyshack, Vacation, Fletch, ¡Three Amigos! and, of course, Christmas Vacation. Chevy was so funny in the 70s and 80s that he actually did host the Oscars back then. Twice. And he was great. He opened the 1987 telecast with the classic greeting, “Good evening, Hollywood phonies!"

Sadly, that was one of the last funny things Chevy Chase did for about 20 years. For some reason, Chevy just stopped being funny. Maybe all those comedic pratfalls just took a toll on his body. Or maybe all the drugs he took to numb the pain of those pratfalls took a toll on his brain. But one way or another, Chevy lost it. Luckily, in the last two years he’s been able to regain some of his old form in the NBC sitcom Community, so he might be the perfect guy to follow Eddie Murphy in 2013.

Dan Aykroyd

Dan Aykroyd was probably never quite as brilliant as contemporaries Chevy Chase, Bill Murray, or Steve Martin, but he had some pretty great moments. The unscrupulous toy company executive on SNL selling his “Bag O’ Glass”? Hilarious. Blues Brothers? Classic. Trading Places with co-star Eddie Murphy? Pretty funny. Ghostbusters? Perfect. But all good things come to an end, and I’ve got one word for you that pretty much sums up the man’s current ability: Crossroads. So yeah, these days old Danny boy would be wise to just focus on hocking his wine and liquor products and leave the comedy to others. Which means he’s just the type of guy the Academy is looking for.

Dennis Miller

Dennis Miller became a household name in 1985 thanks entirely to his role as anchor on SNL’s popular “Weekend Update” segment. His acerbic sarcasm and breathless diatribes were the topics of Monday morning water cooler conversations for 5 or 6 years. After leaving SNL he went on to have a pretty good run on HBO doing an “alternative” talk show called Dennis Miller Live from 1994 to 2002. Some time in there, between 1985 and 2002, Miller would have been perfect hostin the Academy Awards. His comedy was witty and topical, and he could clean up pretty well. Unfortunately, ever since 9/11, the guy is just no fun—not because he got all conservative, but because he went from sarcastically annoyed to downright angry. These days he pals around with stick-in-the-mud Bill O’Reilly, and has gone from HBO to Fox News to, currently, syndicated radio. Yikes. Even the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has enough sense not to invite this guy host the Oscars.

Whitney Houston

Whitney Houston had everything going for her in the early 1990s. She could sing, she could act, and she was gorgeous. Most importantly, perhaps, she was a diva without the attitude—which is just another way of saying, she was actually likeable. She really would have been a perfect Oscars host if the Academy were looking to go with something “outside the box”. Then for some reason Houston went crazy and married Bobby Brown. Or maybe she married Bobby Brown and went crazy. Either way, it wasn’t pretty. Today poor Whitney seems to have her act together again and is attempting to make a comeback, but it’s pretty clear she doesn’t quite “have it” anymore. So I wouldn’t be surprised if Academy Awards producer Brett Ratner selects her to perform the traditional medley of Oscar songs.

Robin Williams

Like Chevy Chase, Robin Williams actually has hosted the Oscars in the past. Well, he co-hosted, anyway, sharing the spotlight with Alan Alda and Jane Fonda in 1986. Alda, of course, was just three years removed from his role on M.A.S.H., one of the most beloved TV shows of all time. Jane Fonda, meanwhile, had transitioned from serious acting to making aerobics tapes for VHS players. As for Robin Williams, well—and I know this will be hard for our younger readers to believe, but it’s true—his brand of off-the-wall hyperactive standup comedy was really quite popular in the mid-80s. Everything he did was wild and fresh and, therefore, funny. Today? Yeah, we’re pretty sick of it. (Do you know anybody who saw License to Wed? Did you completely forget you had ever heard of that film?)

Of course, the Juilliard-trained performer has carved out a nice career as a serious actor, even winning an Oscar for Good Will Hunting. But nobody wants to see him given carte blanche to go nuts for 4-plus hours at the Oscars. So I’d says the odds are 3-1 he hosts sometime in the next three years.

Mel Gibson

There’s no doubt Mel Gibson was, at one point, the biggest movie star in the world. He was handsome, funny, macho, and debonair—the total package. In 1990 or thereabouts, Mel would have made a terrific Academy Awards host, especially if he had been paired with a solid comic sidekick or sexy dame to balance his boyish charm. Unfortunately, the Academy never asked him, and now that ship has definitely sailed. And sunk. Today, Mel Gibson would make perhaps the worst host in the history of any awards show—Emmys, Grammys, Tonys, you name it.

Yet the more I think about it, the more I think I would actually like to see Mel Gibson host the Oscars. It would be fun to watch the scumbag anti-Semite get his comeuppance by having to suck up to a room full of rich and powerful Jews. That being said, it would also be pretty amazing to watch Gibson host the Nickelodeon Kid’s Choice Awards.

Rosie O’Donnell

Remember when Rosie O’Donnell was called “The Queen of Nice”? I’m serious, that’s what people called her when her daytime talk show was at the height of its popularity. On the show, she would joke about how she was obsessed with Tom Cruise, then invite a guest out to the couch for a little lighthearted chitchat. Basically, Rosie was the Rachel Ray of 1996, only without the cooking and scratchy voice. Then, one day, she invited Tom Selleck onto the show and berated him for his advocacy of the NRA. From then on out the “Queen of Nice” was the “Queen of Unnecessarily Argumentative Interactions,” and she went from being the most beloved woman on television to the most controversial. I mean, we all know how her stint on The View ended up.

Interestingly, the void left by O’Donnell on daytime television was filled by two women who actually did host the Oscars—Whoopi Goldberg and Ellen Degeneres. However, it should be noted that O’Donnell will soon premier a new talk show on Oprah’s OWN network. If she manages to regain her “Queen of Nice” form, maybe she can make a comeback and earn an ill-advised Oscar hosting gig she would have been better off getting 15 years ago. Lord knows it doesn’t hurt to be in the good graces of Oprah Winfrey (Queen of Everything).

Mike Myers

Last but not least, we have the case of Mike Myers. He was hilarious on Saturday Night Live, and he developed three of the most beloved comic movie characters of the last 20 years in Wayne Campbell, Austin Powers, and the lovable ogre, Shrek. Sadly, in 2008, Myers showed the world he was completely out of funny ideas by releasing the absolutely putrid film, The Love Guru. Now, Mike Myers would definitely have been a surprising choice for the Oscars, even between 1997 and 2002 at the height of his fame. But I think such a selection would have been applauded for its willingness to take a risk, and I also think Myers might have been a charming host (though he would have had to work on that accent).

Today, we’ve heard all of Mike’s bits a hundred times, and we’re getting a little tired of them. Then again, the same could be (and has been) said of Myers’ Shrek co-star Eddie Murphy, and look what he’s up to?