A Tale Of Two Cubes: Family-Friendly vs. N.W.A. Ice Cube

Thursday, November 17 by

Are We Done Yet?

What's the opposite of the L.A. Raiders? That's right. The Oregon Ducks.

Ice Cube will Swarm
On any motherf*cker in a blue uniform
Just ´caus I am from the CPT
Punk police are afraid of me, huh
A young nigger on the warpath
And when I finish, it is going to be a bloodbath

(Plot Synopsis)
Nick and his now-wife uproot with her kids and move to the suburbs, but thei dream house proves to be anything but as they must completely gut the house due to mold. At this point Nick has sold his collectibles store and his wife Suzanne is pregnant. All works out well, even though Nick has to deliver the babies.

How N.W.A is this plot? (Scale of 1-10, “10” being gangster as f#ck, and “1” being a mark-ass bitch): 7

I know a seven seems high, so let me explain. While the Ice Cube of old would only get out to the suburbs to participate in a home invasion, I could see him moving out there to get away from some busters who want him dead. However I could NOT see Ice Cube owning a collectibles store, though I could see him burning one down in a race riot.

While I can’t imagine Ice Cube delivering a baby, I can imagine him impregnating a woman, and I also assume he’s spent much of his life up to his elbow in pussy, so that’s pretty believable.

Finally, on this list of problems that N.W.A. faced, I never imagined “black mold” to be that high on the list.

Lottery Ticket

Write today a B-I-T-C-H

And watch her get mad ’cause she know it’s true (she know it)
But a nigga like me, I say ‘f#ck you’
Do like Ice Cube, slam her ass in a ditch (slam her ass)
‘Cause a bitch is a bitch

(Plot Synopsis)
Bow Wow is a ghetto resident who wins the lottery, but must survive the weekend and its various hangers-on and thieves in order to claim what’s rightfully his. Ice Cube plays Mr. Washington, a former boxer who has experienced a fate similar to what Bow Wow’s character is going through. Bow Wow takes some licks but eventually makes it through the weekend and buys a helicopter.

How N.W.A is this plot? (Scale of 1-10, “10” being gangster as f#ck, and “1” being a mark-ass bitch): 3

N.W.A. Ice Cube would gank that ticket out of Bow Wow’s hands, then rip off Bow Wow’s braids and feed them to him for bein’ such a weak-ass bitch. He would then stick his jimmy in Bow Wow’s girlfriend cause she ain’t nothin’ but a ho.

Lottery Ticket Ice Cube does none of these things. He’s in the ghetto, so he gets some points for that, but he’s hanging out with Bow Wow, which more than negates that fact. Also, Ice Cube doesn’t light anyone up in this film, but he does punch someone.

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