This is a historic week for morning talk shows. After 598 years on television, Regis Philbin is retiring today. The man holds the Guinness World Record for most time spent in front of a television camera, and more importantly, holds such dear memories for all of his fans who have watched him over the years. The man is a show business legend.

But let's face it, the dude can also be a real pervert. Today, we don't just lose a television fixture, we lose with it our best source for seeing a squeaky-voiced, dirty, old man, at least until we go home to see family for the holidays. I'm sure Regis is excited to move onto the next phase in his life and maybe find time for a little rest and relaxation. He's certainly left behind a legacy.

Here is that legacy... a creepy, creepy legacy.

Regis Loses His Sh*t For Rosie Huntington-Whiteley

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley stopped by Live with Regis and Kelly as she was making the rounds to promote Transformers: Dark of the Moon. Before she came out on stage, Regis poured over her Maxim spread (pics here). Then when she was in the interview chair flirting with him, he got all flustered and distracted. Not distracted like he was afraid he may have left the iron on. Distracted like your biology teacher used to get as his mind drifted back to the whorehouses during the war.

Regis Excited To Hear About Jennifer Lawrence Naked

This is ridiculous. Kelly Ripa is trying to conduct a light, fluffy interview with X-Men: First Class star Jennifer Lawrence about accents and voice dialects, and Regis keeps interjecting in a seducing tone with random questions like, "Do you have a boyfriend," and "Nude, you say?" If this went on any longer, Gelman would have to spray him with a fire extinguisher.

Regis Slaps Nicki Minaj's Butt

Grandpa! NO!!

Three things I love about this clip. 1) He goes straight for her ass. 2) The back-up singers have to stand frozen with horror that he may feel them up. 3) How he tries to awkwardly cover up his transgression by changing the subject to talk about Lil Wayne.

Regis Dresses As A Real Housewife

Some things cannot be unseen. Be thankful I didn't share his Susan Boyle costume.

To make up for this eye-burning, I'll share this much more agreeable picture.

Wassup, Kelly Ripa?

Regis Threatens To Take Kelly Hostage

When you work with someone day in and day out, it's important to maintain professionalism. No one lives by this rule more than I do, and it so totally wasn't me who drew the boobs on your remote control inflatable flying shark, Jame Gumb. Stop accusing.

Where was I?

Oh yes. In this segment Regis catches Kelly off-guard by revealing that she deserves to be held hostage and that he'd like to hold her hostage for awhile. Wouldn't we all, but that's not the point. We keep those thoughts trapped inside the bone-caves that surround our brains. Though I can understand how he'd be tempted...

Regis Gets Into A Stranger's Car

What's creepy here is the fact that Regis is even involved. Are you telling me that he's huge with the Hummer demographic? Also, too surprising not to mention here is Alessandra Ambrosio's horrible line delivery. She sounds like a cross between Penelope Cruz and Marlee Matlin. There's no way the OnStar representative was going to be able to understand her.

Regis Takes It Off For The Camera

Go ahead, haters. Hate. Say what you want about the splotchiness or orangutan jugs, but Regis is looking pretty good for a man his age (864 years). I'll be the first to admit he could likely take me in a fight. Until I fake an asthma attack and start windmill-punching, that is.

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