9 Things George Lucas Denies Besides Han Shooting First

Friday, February 10 by

His Destiny as Leader of the Kool Stepz Dance Unit

Yo! His moms gave him the gift of two hype feet, but it’s a talent he refuses to use. You see, George Lucas was once the best of all da street stepper uppers. And he knew it. His brazen style and enormous ego lead him down a dark path of dance battles that culminated in the death of his mentor during an argument one fateful July evening. Slumped over his fallen teacher in that slick-surfaced alley, he swore he’d never step again.
He won’t talk about this incident publicly, but it’s believed to be the influence for the troubled relationship between Anakin and Obi-Wan.

Burning Down Hostels For Sport

There’s no solid evidence to support this, as a man with such resources can easily cover his tracks, but it is believed George Lucas does, from time to time, burn down hostels full of sleeping travelers. A simple padlocked chain on the primary exits and a canister of highly flammable accelerant is all he needs to fulfill this sick desire. Word to the wise, if you see something, don’t say a word.

Digesting Food In His Neck Gizzard

Similar to a barn owl, George Lucas swallows his prey completely whole. It then goes directly to the gizzard pouched in his throat, where the parts of the prey are ground and dissolved by a combination of sand, gravel, and digestive fluids. The parts that can be digested are passed on to his stomach, and the leftovers (teeth, claws, bones, hair, jewelry) are spit out and piled in the secret feeding pit hidden beneath his couch. Of course, he flatly denies this.

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