George Lucas spoke again recently, which means that, of course, he angered nerds all over the world. His recent statements regard the fervent “Han Shot First” controversy. Lucas claims that not only did he redesign the scene where Greedo captures Han Solo for A New Hope’s special edition, but he now says it was always that way, and Greedo was always meant to shoot first. Even though anybody with eyeballs in their head can see that is not the case, and that Han Solo is a badass.
Visitors to Skywalker Ranch may notice some strange occurrences. It’s not uncommon to catch a glimpse of movement out of the corner of your eye or feel a presence behind you when walking the hallways at night. Though when you turn, there is no one there. Some eyewitnesses have reported seeing an opaque, glowing woman pleading for help. George Lucas explains that this is just test footage for Princess Leia‘s hologram transmission to Obi-Wan Kenobi. But it just doesn’t add up.
Though there is clearly filmic proof of the Death Star firing upon Alderaan and killing its entire population, George Lucas has been an outspoken Holocaust (on Alderaan) denier. “The Holocaust (on Alderaan) didn’t happen,” claims Lucas. “The explosion of the planet was an inside job which the Empire had no hand in.” He also purports there is a conspiracy in the Cloud City of Bespin that Lando Calrissian has stockpiled thousands of plastic bins alleged to be used for the mass burials of suspected rebels.
Deny. Deny. Deny.
That’s George Lucas’s top three rules when called out for the double-dipping of a cracker, chip, or baby carrot while at functions that offer hummus or ranch dip. It’s not even worth accusing him anymore as he can use Industrial Light & Magic to digitally cover up any wrongdoing. Best bet is to just get to the dip before him and ration out your own amount, or avoid it entirely.