Crazy, Stupid, Love. is billing itself as that rare breed of romantic comedy that doesn't suck six ways from Sunday. While the final verdict is still out, early reviews (including that of our own Fred Topel) seem to support the claim. So in honor of the release of Crazy, Stupid, Love., which hopefully isn't awful, here are nine romantic comedies that are just crazy stupid.

Just Like Heaven (2005)

I watched this film while on a cruise with a girl who had come down with seasickness. As it turns out, the sound of her violently retching was the perfect background to this Reese Witherspoon turd. It has the same plot as the Bill Cosby bomb Ghost Dad, with about half of the laughs. Considering I laughed exactly once at Ghost Dad, that doesn't say much for Just Like Heaven.

The Beautician and the Beast (1997)

When a sassy beautician travels to a far away county to work for a ruthless dictator, only one thing can happen: genital electrocution followed by a swift beheading. At least that's what would happen in real life. In Hollywood, the two fall in love. Poor Fran Drescher. She could never step out from the shadow of her most memorable role: the reporter chick in UHF.

Alex & Emma (2003)

Rob Reiner is a huge anti-smoking advocate, yet he has no problem unleashing pollution like Alex & Emma onto the unsuspecting public. The film involves an author (Luke Wilson), a stenographer (Kate Hudson), and the Cuban Mafia. If that doesn't excite you, it's also worth noting that Kate Hudson plays three different roles, each with its own wacky accent. Sigh.

Something's Gotta Give (2003)

In Something's Gotta Give, Keanu Reeves's character falls in love with a woman played by Diane Keaton. Yeah, you read that right. I don't care what Sex in the City says, there's not a snowball's chance in hell of that happening. A guy in his 30's falling for a woman in her 50's is about as likely as Lance Bass falling in love with a girl. Speaking of which...

On the Line (2001)

The plot of On the Line revolves around a shy guy (Lance Bass) who meets the girl of his dreams on a train, but doesn't have the stones to ask her out. He then goes to great lengths to track her down, and wackiness ensues. Actually, replace the word wackiness with awfulness, and you're right on target. This film also stars Joey Fatone, which only adds to the overpowering shittness. The only thing that saves this film from being number one on the list is the fact that Bass has since come out of the closet, so watching him pretend to be interested in a woman is unintentionally hysterical.

Love Actually (2003)

I know I'm going to catch a lot of flack for this choice, and I don't care. It's my list, and I'll do what I damn well please.

The consensus seems to be that Love Actually is a good film. Well, the consensus needs an enema. This film is a contrived, pandering mess that trots out every cliché in the book. From the sickeningly-sweet wedding near the start of the film, to the idiotic airport chase near the end, Love Actually is a non-stop schmaltz fest that has about as much in common with a real relationship as Transformers has in common with the robotics industry.

From Justin to Kelly (2003)

Hey, remember that guy who was runner up to Kelly Clarkson on the first season of American Idol? Yeah, neither do I. Apparently, this Justin fellow and Kelly made a romantic comedy together. To make matters worse, it was a musical. The film was a rush job, and a blatant attempt to cash in on their fame before it faded into obscurity.

Gigli (2003)

This film is often referred to as the worst romantic comedy every made. To be fair, that has more to do with its behind the scenes production problems, as well as the fact that its stars, Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck, were dating during filming, and had reached the point of media over-saturation. Basically, everyone was rooting for the film to fail. That said, when your plot involves kidnapping a retarded kid and converting lesbians to heterosexuality, it sure makes it easy to root against.

The Hottie and the Nottie (2008)

Paris Hilton stars in this...Jesus, I just said Paris Hilton was starring in it. Do I really need to explain why it's number one on this list? Fine.

The film involves a "hottie" (Paris Hilton?) trying to find love for her friend who is a "nottie." As the film progresses, and the "nottie" spends more time with a possible boyfriend, she slowly becomes more attractive, just like it happens in real life. This film was so bad that Paris Hilton was actually sent to jail for it. True story, bro. You can look it up.