9 Of The Worst Horror Movie Remakes

Thursday, October 13 by

My Bloody Valentine 3D

With a poorly-executed twist and dicey writing, My Bloody Valentine’s remake sucked in multiple dimensions. But don’t tell the Director of Photography that because, frankly, I don’t think anyone bothered to tell him that this was going to be a 3D movie. This film subscribed to the idea that if you make your cast of victims annoying enough, the audience will want to see them killed. For me though, I just wanted to turn the movie off.

Black Christmas

Though a very pretty film to look at, Black Christmas was nothing more than a confusing mess of Christmas-themed vicious attacks against really hot chicks. I’ve seen it and can’t even really remember the plot. There’s a sorority house full of girls who decided not to go home for Christmas for some lame reason. And there’s a yellow guy who kills people with wrapping paper and candy canes and sh*t. Probably the hardest movie on this list to sit through.

Psycho

Gus Van Sant got ballsy with his attempt to remake Alfed Hitchcock’s Psycho. First of all, why would anyone ever think to attempt it? Then he got even more ballsy by recreating the original shot-for-shot. This was an action to pay homage to Hitchcock and though it was painstakingly assembled, one key detail was missing – the performances. Vince Vaughn, Julianne Moore, Viggo Mortensen, William H. Macy, Philip Baker Hall, and Flea somehow turned in terrible performances in their miscast roles. Perhaps it was done intentionally to stop greedy studios from attempting to remake more classic horrors. If so, nice effort. If not, WTF? Random cutaways to sheep?

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