9 Movie and TV Candidates Better Than The GOP Field

Tuesday, January 3 by

It’s that time again. Vermin of all kind of descended upon the simple state of Iowa, shilling snake oil, false promises and thinly veiled bigotry. That’s right, it’s time for the Iowa Republican Caucuses. This year’s field is particularly awful, including Ron Paul’s strong white nationalist campaign, Mitt Romney’s magic undies, a frothy mix known as Rick Santorum and more ex-Gingrich wives than you can shake a stick at. Movies and television provide us with better candidates than this, which is why I’ll be sitting at home tonight (that, and the fact that I don’t live in Iowa). Here are just a few people I’d prefer to anyone in the current GOP field.

Ralph Wiggum – The Simpsons

Ah yes, Ralph Wiggum. The creepy child of Chief Clancy Wiggum. You might not remember the Springfield Primary skyrocketed young Master Wiggum to political center stage. On the strength of the important so-called “Yellow Primary,” Wiggum was able to secure the nomination of both major political parties. Still, we’ll never know what might have happened with Wiggum at the helm. His bipartisan style is still a model for those seeking to unite the country around a common program.

Greg Stilson – The Dead Zone

I’m most definitely not talking about the boring TV show with the nerd from The Breakfast Club. In fact, I’m going to go on record as saying that The Breakfast Club sucks and the presence of a cast member is a bad, bad sign. But, anyway, the original film The Dead Zone comes from a land of perfectness and awesome. David Cronenberg? Check. Christopher Walken? Check. Mostly faithful adaptation of a boss Stephen King novel? Check. Total downer of an ending? Check. Stilson was to be the president who presides over nuclear holocaust, so it’s pretty awesome that Johnny got him to use a kid as a human shield. Still, I’d prefer him to the current candidates.

Robert Redford – The Watchmen

In The Watchman comic, Robert Redford threw his hat in the ring against Richard Nixon in 1988. After five terms of Dick in office, America was ready for a change. It was that or the giant squid monster or whatever the hell that thing is at the end. Apparently some things never change and one of those things is America deciding it wants a cowboy actor running its affairs.

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