9 Movie Dogs That Should Have Been Put To Sleep

Tuesday, September 20 by
You've gotta date with the needle. 

Forget female body types. It’s depictions of dogs in movies that create unrealistically high expectations. They can’t all be Lassie or Rin Tin Tin. I’m a dog-lover, but there are many, many, many annoying dogs in this world, and Hollywood is responsible for a disproportionate amount of them. With that in mind, let’s take a look a 9 movie dogs that should have been put to sleep.

9. Puffer – There’s Something About Mary

This spastic little dog is about as obnoxious as his owner, Magda. Puffer has tricked Magda into thinking that he can judge the quality of a person within moments of just reading them, which is total crap. I bet Hitler himself could stroll into her joint with a pocketful of bacon and pass Puffer’s litmus test.

Also, Puffer bit Ben Stiller in the crotch and neck. Nowadays, I would say that merits a medal and parade, but this was before I was sick of Ben Stiller, so I condemn Puffer to death.

8. Chloe – Beverly Hills Chihuahua

Don’t feel like I need to state much of a case here. Chihuahuas are annoying. Beverly Hills Chihuahuas are unspeakably annoying (I would assume). This dog vacations in Mexico. I don’t even vacation in Mexico. What crap! To give you an idea of what we’re dealing with, the Chihuahua is voiced by Drew Barrymore, so that’s another strike against Chloe. She has a diamond collar, too.

Dogs shouldn’t have nicer things than I do. That’s so unfair.

7. The Bumpus’ Dogs – A Christmas Story

They ate The Old Man’s turkey. If you knew how big of a turkey junkie the old man was, you’d have no trouble doling out the death penalty to these pups. Neither the dogs, nor the Bumpus’ themselves show any regard for personal space and property. It’s not their fault that their owners are trash, but these dogs are beyond help. They need to be put down.