Franklin Shaffner’s The Boys from Brazil isn’t just another movie where Nazis are the bad guys. The film tells the story of a massive conspiracy among Nazis in the years after WWII. The conspiracy is of course led by the most famous Nazi war criminal of them all, Dr. Josef Mengele, the real-life “Angel of Death” who conducted horrible medical experiments on prisoners at Nazi concentration camps. In the film, Dr. Mengele and his associates wish to create the perfect political and social conditions for the establishment of the Fourth Reich. So, obviously, they created 94 perfect clones of Adolf Hitler, then found 94 families around the world that resembled Hitler’s actual family and somehow convinced them to adopt a son. The idea was that, under the right conditions, maybe one of the clones would turn out just like the original (i.e., start a giant world war, lose it, commit suicide, and end up in a ditch covered in gasoline, on fire). It was a pretty solid plan.
No one ever accused the movers and shakers behind the X-Files franchise of not thinking big. The premise of the entire cult-classic television series was, basically, that everything that ever happened everywhere was (and is) part of an intergalactic conspiracy orchestrated by some clandestine “Syndicate.”
The first X-Files feature film picks right up where the TV series leaves off. Through the intrepid investigation of agents Mulder and Scully, we learn that a race of space aliens has been trying to colonize earth and possibly wipe out its inhabitants since at least 35,000 B.C., give or take a century. Fast-forward to present day, and big government, as always, is interfering in our lives and trying to keep this horrible secret under wraps. But wait, there’s more! A mysterious swarm of genetically altered government bees (which are somehow related to this space alien issue) attack and sting Agent Scully, who goes into a coma and is transported to—where else?—a super secret subterranean space ship in Antarctica. Mulder goes to Antarctica and rescues Scully, but then the space ship takes off, meaning the mystery will have to be solved in a later installment. Which makes sense, because audiences typically love it when nothing is resolved at the end of a movie.
The Da Vinci Code easily has the most convoluted conspiracy in cinematic history. After all, it does nothing less than skew humanity’s understanding of the nature of God and shape the entire history of Western civilization.
I’m sure you know the plot. It starts with the “historical” Jesus Christ who, it turns out, was Mary Magdalene’s baby-daddy. Unfortunately, the baby was not yet born when Jesus was crucified, so afterwards Mary and her child had to go into hiding because a faction of Jesus’ more chauvinistic followers (who wouldn’t allow a woman to lead the fledgling Church) wanted both of them dead. Quite Machiavellian of the Church founders, don’t you think? However, one sect of early feminist Christians helped Mary Magdalene escape and vowed to forever protect the heir of Christ and the true leader of his people on earth. Leonardo Da Vinci helped these protectors by creating a secret code that could only be decoded by obtaining the special decoder ring inside specially marked boxes of Kellog’s products. Obviously, the illegitimate Catholic hierarchy doesn’t want this dirty little secret to be discovered, ever, so they take the logical step of creating a league of secret albino Christian ninjas to find Jesus’ heir and kill him or her. However, in the end we discover that both the good guys and the bad guys are piss-poor conspirators. It turns out that Jesus’ descendant was right under everybody’s nose the whole time.