It’s St. Patrick’s Day again, and as a result, my boss is making me write about the Irish! Not having a drop of Irish blood in me, I could care less about the Emerald Isle. But at the end of the day, the Sons of Erin have given me an annual excuse to get piss drunk, which is more than any Hungarian ever did for me, so I guess I’m grateful. And to show my gratitude, I’ve compiled this list of nine Irish (and Irish American) characters who could kick your ass. Why? Well, it started as a simple list of Irish characters, but somewhere along the way I realized I wouldn’t want to fight any of them. So let’s load up the paddy wagon and get this list on the road.
In my opinion, Jim Malone has one of the greatest lines in cinema history: “Isn’t that just like a wop; brings a knife to a gun fight!” See for yourself in the clip above, and enjoy the Michael Jackson music that has been pointlessly added to the end.
Don’t let the Italian name fool you, Il Duce is Irish through and through. And don’t let the hype about this movie fool you. It’s an awful film with a ridiculously pointless plot that is filled to the brim with cliches. That being said, I still wouldn’t want to piss off Il Duce.
Frank Costello is based on the real Irish-American mobster, James J. Bulger. In the film, Costello is a drunken, short-tempered hot head with a penchant for underage girls and murder. So aside from the murder part, he’s just your average Irishman! Heyo!
Maybe Micky McFinnigan, Peter Griffin‘s real father, might not be that daunting in fight. But when it comes to drinking, he’ll kick your sorry ass any day.
In RoboCop, Murphy is the quintessential Irish-American police officer, except for the fact that he’s dead, and he’s half machine. But let’s not split hairs here. He’s Irish through and through, and he can definitely kick your ass.
Micky O’Neil is not your typical Irishman. He’s part of a band of nomads known as Irish Travellers (a.k.a. Pikeys), who reside in Ireland, the U.K., and the U.S. Although they are often referred to as Gypsies, they are ethnically Irish, so Micky makes the list. And as the clip above demonstrates, he’d have no trouble beating you to a bloody pulp.
You can’t get much more Irish than the friggen Leprechaun. And don’t even pretend you can take him in a fight. He ripped Ice-T’s finger off like it was nothing. Although he has popped up in several films, I went with Leprechaun in the Hood because let’s face it; once you go black, you never go back, even if you’re Irish.
(Spoiler Alert) Priest Vallon, an Irish immigrant in Gangs of New York, is by far the biggest bad ass on this list. After all, anyone who goes into hand-to-hand combat with a cast-iron cross is not someone you want to mess with. Although he eventually dies at the hands of Bill the Butcher, he wins his enemy’s respect in the process. And considering what a tough son of a bitch Bill is, that’s got to count for something.
Can the Irish writer/painter/poet Christy Brown really kick your ass? Yep! In fact, that’s all he can do. Zing! Happy St. Paddy’s Day!