Moviegoers have always been fascinated by wealthy characters, even if those characters happen to be total pricks. After all, if losers like you or me wanted to see people living in squalor, we could simply take a walking tour of our Section 8 housing complex. No, rich people are far more interesting, with their mansions, expensive cars, beautiful women, etc. Who cares if they take part in some unscrupulous business deals, or kill a few hookers? As the following characters prove, enough money will make most problems go away.
Greed, for lack of a better word, is good. So says Gordon Gekko, the epitome of 80’s excess. Speaking of excess, just look at his fancy mobile phone. It’s so small and compact, yet he’s using it outside at the beach! The f*cking beach! OK, now that they give cellphones away for free, maybe it’s not as impressive. But at the time, that thing must have cost a fortune.
Remember when I said money makes most problems go away? Well, most doesn’t mean all. Gordon ends up heading to the clink for his shady business dealings. I’m not sure what happened when he got out, because I, like everyone else, never watched the sequel.
Billy Madison is a likable guy. But that doesn’t exclude him from being a rich prick. How else would you describe a grown man who is wealthy enough to spend his days reading porno, playing “make believe” in his bathtub, and leaving flaming bags of shit on an old man’s door step?
John Gage is the epitome of a rich prick. He knows he can buy and sell any man in the room. More importantly, he knows he can also buy any man’s wife. Well, almost any man. If he offered me a million dollars for a night with my spouse, I’d have to say know. Call me old fashioned, but I was raised not to take advantage of people.
The Dukes (Randolph and Mortimer) are wealthy beyond your wildest dreams. But when you can literally buy anything you desire, things tend to get boring. That’s why they decide to spice things up by manipulating a homeless guy and reducing one of their employees to ruins. It’s a great way to pass the time, if you can afford it.
Having sex with a bevy of beautiful women: boring! Having sex with those women, and then cutting them up into tiny pieces: awesome! At least that’s what rich prick Patrick Bateman thinks. A lot of people find that disturbing, but his other hobby is listening to Phil Collins. Between the two, I’d say it’s a toss up.
OK, now do you remember when I said money will fix almost anything? This is a much better example. Claus von Bülow is a real person who was accused of murdering his wife. He was also a fabulously rich prick. The movie tells the story of how Harvard Law Professor Alan Dershowitz got him off the hook. He’s the same guy who helped another rich prick, OJ Simpson, beat his murder rap.
“I’m a Lebowski, you’re a Lebowski. That’s terrific.”
Jeffrey Lebowski is definitely a prick. But despite the outward appearance of wealth, he’s not actually rich. His daughter controls his estate, and gives him a monthly allowance, which is ample. However, thanks to the unwitting help of another Jeffrey Lebowski (a.k.a. The Dude), he’s able to embezzle a cool million form the Urban Achievers fund, which only adds to his prick-ness.
What cinematic rich-prick list would be complete without including Charles Foster Kane. After all, he’s the prototype by which all wealthy assholes are judged. In fact, this film is considered the Citizen Kane of rich-pick Movies.