9 Greatest Masked Avengers

Tuesday, April 26 by
 

Masks and avengers go together like the New York Knicks and sadness. As such, picking the nine greatest was no easy task. I can already hear the chorus of fanboys crying out in unison, “Why is The Hamburgler on your list? He’s not even avenging anything?” You don’t know his dark back story!

In honor of the May 3rd release on the Green Hornet on DVD, here are the 9 greatest masked avengers of all time.

Check out all the Sony “Action Unleashed” DVDs!

The Hamburgler

Mask? Check. Avenger? Double check. Captain America‘s new movie is actually called The First Avenger. You can’t get much more Avenge-y-er than that.

Darkwing Duck

Darkwing Duck spends is days as a mild-mannered suburbanite. But at night, he dons his mask and takes to the streets, avenging the crimes of F.O.W.L., and any other criminals who cross his path.

That’s a pretty impressive description for such a stupid cartoon. I should work in PR.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

With the help of their master/teacher Splinter, the Ninja Turtles fight the evil forces of Shredder and Krang. And despite the fact that they only use ninja melee weapons, they somehow manage to fight off entire armies of laser packing foot soldiers. Heroes in a half-shell, indeed.

Zorro

Zorro’s a lot like Batman. They both where masks. They’re both wealthy. And they both fight crime. But Zorro doesn’t feel the need to take on the persona of a filthy winged rodent. I guess the fact that his parents weren’t gunned down before his eyes was a game changer.

Orgazmo

Orgazmo definitely has a mask. But all and all, there’s not a lot of avenging going on until, at least until the end of the film when he finds out an evil director has kidnapped his fiancée. At that point, he busts out the Orgazmorator Ray and fights against the evil forces of Neutered Man. If this all sounds really stupid, it is. But that’s kind of the point.

The Lone Ranger

Cut from the same cloth as Zorro or Batman, The Lone Ranger travel the American Wes fighting crime with the help of his trusty horse Silver and his Indian friend Tonto. As it turns out, the Green Hornet is actually the nephew of The Lone Ranger, proving that masked avenging must run in the family.

Rorschach

Rorschach has the coolest mask on the list, given that it constantly changes its pattern. And when it comes to vengeance, Rorschach has you covered. In “The Watchmen” comic, the character handcuffs a child killer inside his burning home, leaving him with a hacksaw in case he wishes to cut off his arm and escape.

Batman

Was there ever any doubt that Batman would be number one on the list? He’s probably the most iconic masked avenger of all time. Seventy years after his inception, the character continues to rake in millions, if not billions, of dollars. Not bad for a guy who’s nothing but a glorified furry.

COMMENTS

  1. April 26, 2011 5:58 am

    Colt Smith

    It might be a rodent, but Zorro does co opt the persona of a filthy canine, as zorro means fox in Spanish.


  2. April 26, 2011 5:58 am

    Dmoney144

    What no Kato?!?!!!


  3. April 26, 2011 5:58 am

    Adam Martinez

    Yes they are alike but, Zorro was the predecessor to Batman by almost 20 years.  Zorro is a spanish fictional character created in 1919 by New York-based pulp writer Johnston McCulley. Batman is a fictional character created by the artist Bob Kane and writer Bill Finger. A comic book superhero, Batman first appeared in Detective Comics #27 (May 1939), However Zorro was inspired by Joaquin Carrillo Murrieta (sometimes spelled Murieta or Murietta) (ca. 1829–July 25, 1853?), also called the Mexican or Chilean Robin Hood or the Robin Hood of El Dorado, was a semi-legendary figure in California during the California Gold Rush of the 1850s. He was either an infamous bandit or a Mexican patriot, depending on one’s point of view