From the makes of Date Movie, Epic Movie, Shit Movie and “If You’re Watching This Kill Yourself” Movie, Meet The Spartans was a new low in unwatchable film comedy. But it wasn’t actually produced by Fox Studios. They merely distributed the film. Which is sort of like passing out the Kool-Aid at the Jonestown massacre. Sure, they may not have mixed in the cyanide themselves, but they we’re still helping perpetuate the atrocity. And I suppose anyone paying to see Meet The Spartans has the will power of your typical cult member anyways. I guess this one is sort of a wash.
The original Alvin and the Chipmunks film was giant piece of crap. But kids usually don’t care how awful a movie is, so it made a ton of money. Thus a sequel was released, and it not only made a lot of money in the states, but its worldwide total was over 400 Million dollars. Which almost guaranteed another sequel (a.k.a. Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chip-Wrecked). I blame Fox for letting down its usual high standards, and I blame the parents who abused their children by buying them tickets. And I probably spelled “Squeakquel” wrong. Sorry about that.
A lot of people bashed Die Hard 4, but it wasn’t all bad. Bruce Willis as John McClane will still provide a better time than most new action films these days. One major factor that killed the film for many people, however, was the noticeable lack of Die Hard style ultra violence and profanity. This was due to a Fox-imposed PG-13 rating. All previous Die Hard films wore their R ratings like a blood covered badge, but Fox felt that shutting out teens from the film would cost them ticket sales. Instead it only alienated previous fans of the series. Dear Fox: Die Hard is a brand. It appeals to fans of the brand. If you dilute it, they will stay home. Fortunately, there was an R rated cut on the DVD, which made the movie feel a bit more like part of the franchise. Unfortunately, Fox has learned nothing, and is reportedly planning to saddle Prometheus with its own PG-13.