9 Ferocious Female Assassins

Thursday, April 7 by

When it comes to famous assassins, what names come to mind? Probably Oswald, Booth, Princip, just to name a few. And you probably think of troubled loaners or psychopathic revolutionaries, as opposed to hot babes in leather jumpsuits or tweenage school girls. But as far as Hollywood is concerned, there’s nothing deadlier than a self-empowered female, and in the new film Hanna, Hanna, is no exception. With that in mind, take a look at this list of ferocious female assassins and see for yourself.

Xenia Sergeyevna Onatopp – Golden Eye

Ms. Onatopp might be the least noteworthy entry on this list, but in the world of assassins, that’s supposed to be a good thing. And while she might not be as well known as her counterparts on this list, she’s just as deadly. Rather than shoot or poison her marks, as a normal killer would, Onatopp lures her victims to bed and then crushes them between her legs. Pain aside, that’s not a bad way to go.

Charlie BaltimoreThe Long Kiss Goodnight

Charlie Baltimore (a.k.a. Samantha Caine) is a spy for the CIA. The catch is she doesn’t even know it. After a bout of amnesia, she settled down into a quiet life in rural Pennsylvania. But when her past catches up to her, she is forced to return to her old ways. It’s a lot like A History of Violence, without all the violent sex.

O-Ren Ishii – Kill Bill Vol. 1 & 2

If you’re a member of The Deadly Viper Assassination Squad, chances are you know a thing or two about assassinations. O-Ren Ishii learned to kill at an early age, avenging the death of her parents at the hands of a Yakuza boss. After her stint with the squad, she went on to become head of the Yakuza herself, before being assassinated. Live by the sword, yada yada, yada.

Georgia Sykes – Smokin’ Aces

Georgia Sykes is part of a two-man (or two-woman) hit team. In the film, her partner, Sharice Watters, is a closeted lesbian with a crush on Georgia. Lesbianism, even if it’s only hinted at, gets you bumped up on my lists.

Hit-Girl – Kick Ass

Hit-Girl might be the youngest female on the list, but that doesn’t stop her from keeping up with the big girls, at least when it comes to killing. Trained by her father to be a remorseles fighting machine, Mindy McCready (her real name) believes she and her father are on a quest to avenge the death of her mother, and longs for the day when she can return to a normal life.

Jane Smith – Mr. & Mrs. Smith

Angelina Jolie has played several different female assassins, but I decided on using her character, Jane Smith. Why? Why not. In the film, Jane and her husband John are both assassins, although neither one of them knows the truth. As you’d imagine, once their true identities are discovered, things get a little harry, and the couple ends up destroying their home while trying to kill one another. But this is an action-comedy, so things work out in the end, unlike most marriages.

Maggie Hayward – Point of No Return

I went with this film rather than the French original, La Femme Nikita, for one simple reason: Bridget Fonda’s breasts make me happy. In the film, Fonda plays a death-row inmate who is spared her sentence in order to become a government sanctioned assassin, which makes total sense, since drug addicts are so trustworthy and reliable.

T-X – Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines

Technically, the T-X isn’t really a female, since it’s a machine. Just like “technically,” my real doll isn’t a woman. But in both cases, it works out a lot better if you just suspend disbelief.

The Bride – Kill Bill Vol. 1 & 2

Was there any doubt that The Bride would be at the top of the list? Not only was she a member of the most talented assassination squad in the world, but she also managed to kill off all of the other members in her quest for sweet, sweet revenge. That pretty much sums it up.

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COMMENTS

  1. April 7, 2011 2:42 pm

    Ivanristevski

    You are wrong about “The Long Kiss Goodnight”. It’s Geena Davis, not Charlie Baltimore.


  2. April 7, 2011 2:42 pm

    Anonymous

    I know it’s Geena Davis. That’s the character’s name in the movie.