We’re still weeks away from the Iowa Caucus, and the GOP primary season has been going on for like three years, already. Now it’s time for endorsements. While elected officials are a little cautious -- they want to back a winner, after all -- celebrities can fly a little more fast and loose. Especially when they’re batshit crazy. Here are nine celebrity political endorsements sure to win the votes of mall ranters and manic street preachers everywhere.

Chuck Norris (Mike Huckabee)

Dude, have you heard about that Chuck Norris meme? The one where he can do all kinds of awesome stuff merely by roundhouse kicking? Well, the roundhouse kicks didn’t do much to help Mike Huckabee. Not only did he not secure the nomination in 2008, he declined to even run this time around. What’s an out-of-work action star to do in 2012? Well, Norris is going in for Ron Paul this time, the only candidate for doddering old men afraid of the Federal Reserve.

Gary Busey (Newt Gingrich)

Things have been going pretty well for Gingrich as of late. He’s gaining in both national and key state polls. And he’s securing critical endorsements, like Gary Busey. Busey brought a whole new meaning to the words “bughouse nuts” when he starred in an early celebreality show. We got an insight into the mind of Busey and it was hard to tell how much of it was genuine and how much of it was torturing a man foolish enough to make a TV show based around him. Newt is sitting pretty now among the key wackjob constituency, having the endorsements of Busey and Herman Cain.

Adam Sandler (Rudy Giuliani)

Nothing says class, sophistication and nuanced political thought more than Adam Sandler’s endorsement. Rudy must have worked hard wining and dining the man who’s made a career out of screaming and talking in baby voices. The endorsement of America’s favorite manchild didn’t do a lot for the Manhattan Mussolini, however. He failed miserably after months of being considered the presumptive nominee.

John Mayer (Ron Paul)

Everyone has to remember the awesome John Mayer video where he drunkenly endorses Ron Paul. It’s horrifying, to be sure, but significantly less horrifying than having to listen to his music. Paul had secured the backing of other prominent douchebags, like Penn Jilette, Alex Jones and Tucker Carlson. Perhaps as proof that America is indeed not filled with self-important d-bags, Ron Paul fared miserably during the 2008 primary, winning delegates only from states with a high rate of survival bunkers per capita, like Idaho and Nevada.

W.C. Fields (Wendell Wilkie)

For whatever reason, W.C. Fields really, really hated FDR. He called the dude “Old Gumlegs” and there’s nothing funny about that. Fields finally threw his weight behind Wendell Wilkie, a man who has the distinction of being the last non-politician nominated by a major party and the third man to get handed his ass by FDR.

The Rat Pack (John F. Kennedy)

They definitely didn’t do it because of mob connections. We at Screen Junkies aren’t even sure there’s such a thing as the mafia. You trying to tell us that these guys aren’t all legitimate businessmen?

Hulk Hogan (Barack Obama)

Hulk Hogan is a towering figure in American politics. So it’s not surprising that Barack Obama sought his blessing. This is, after all, the man who ended the Cold War by saying “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down that wall, brother!,” before taking the big boot / leg drop combination to the entire Soviet Army. We’re eagerly awaiting Hulkster’s endorsement this time around, because we basically always vote the way he tells us. Note that Obama has still failed on his pledge to make training, prayers and vitamins mandatory for all public school students.

Wilfred Brimley (John McCain)

We’re not really sure this needs to be elaborated on. The joke pretty much writes itself. John McCain was also able to secure the endorsement of Craigslist founder Craig T. Nelson, but it was all for naught.

Ted Nugent (Sarah Palin)

This is pretty much obligatory. Ted Nugent is the patron saint of insane celebrities and no list of political endorsements would be complete without him. In 2008, he endorsed the Republican ticket because of Sarah Palin. While the rest of the country stood slackjawed in horror at “You betcha!,” Ted Nugent took a principled stand, supporting Sarah Palin’s policy of training our nation’s armed forces to hunt wolves from airplanes.

Keep calm and read on....

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