9 Actors Who Were Born To Play Frankenstein

Friday, September 2 by
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One of the 621 Frankenstein movies that are currently in development found itself a director in Shawn Levy (Night at the Museum, Real Steel), which is great. Every film needs a director. However, this announcement begs the question, “Who will play Frankenstein’s monster (let’s just call him Frankenstein and not be all up-our-own-ass about the semantics) in the new project?”

Well, pretty much anyone can portray Frankenstein. I could get a Golden Globe nod for my performance if the director just gave me three Xanax, a 1″ lift in my right shoe, and a burn on the roof of my mouth with a Bagel Bite just out of the oven. So with the playing field being equal, it comes down to looks.

“What has two thumbs and sort of looks like Frankenstein? These guys!”

Truthfully, though, I wouldn’t be surprised if Trejo was missing a thumb.

9. Matt Dillon

He may be in a tie with #8 for the best-looking guy on this list, but still Frankenstein-esque. He also speaks with a deep enough voice that when I’m watching Wild Things while writing (which is most days), I sometimes get startled and need to look up to reassure myself that Denise Richards and Neve Campbell aren’t having a threeway with Frankenstein, because that would just drive me up the wall with sexiness.

8. David Boreanz

Photo generously on loan from the Penn Collins private collection.

Bones could be Frankenstein. I’m aware that Bones is actually the girl on the show of the same name, but it’s just easier for me if I call everyone on that show Bones, as it prevents me from having to learn anything about the show Bones.

7. Danny Trejo

Danny Trejo looks like he has been stitched together a la Frankenstein, complete with baseball glove-type skin. I don’t think Frankenstein had a tattoo on his chest, but the news of Levy’s attachment doesn’t say when the film is set. 2011 Frankenstein in Williamsburg, Brooklyn could totally have a chest tattoo.

“Frankenstein need pick up American Spirits before Frankenstein go ironic barbecue.”

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