8 Things To Do While Waiting In Line For The Twilight Premiere

Thursday, November 10 by

Tell People You’re Kristen Stewart’s Nutritionist

She hasn’t been returning your calls for the past few months, and this is the only way you think you can get in touch with her. When the Twihards ask why the matter is so urgent, respond that you can’t discuss it due to doctor-patient confidentiality, then mouth the word “tapeworm” really obviously.

Get The People From Skid Row To Join In

The campout is taking place in downtown LA at about 9th and Figueroa. About a mile and a half away at 4th and San Pedro is skid row, where about half the residents make less than $15,000 per year and live in tents and boxes.

Since both Twihards and the skid row residents are nearby, living outside, why not throw a mixer? The Twilight fans can learn some tips about living outdoors for the next few days, while the skid row people can learn about what the f*ck Twilight is and white-people problems. Urge the Twilight fans to tape phonebooks to their torso and limbs before the mixer. They’ll see why.

Do you like this story?