8 Things To Do While Waiting In Line For The Twilight Premiere

Thursday, November 10 by

Join The Guerilla Marketing Team For The Hunger Games

These people are going to need something to do after this Twilight stuff ends, so now is the time to turn them on to the next big thing: Katniss Everdeen and company. I mean, once the Twihards hear that Stanley Tucci is in The Hunger Games, it’s just a matter of time before they all jump on board. Twilight fans LOVE Tucci. If they ask what The Hunger Games is about, pull out a bow and arrow, shoot them, and say, “It’s about THAT.”

Tell The Fans About The Disappearance Of The Middle Class In America In An Effort To Turn The Line Into An Occupy Wall Street Demonstration

I’m hazarding a guess that perhaps no one on this earth is more impressionable than Twilight fans. These vocal, vocal people are sitting around bored for five days, with boundless enthusiasm for whatever crosses their path. Twilight fans are a huge swing vote that can either be captured by the 99% or the 1%.

Personally, I like the idea of all Twilight fans getting co-opted by the wealthy, telling the working class that if they had worked harder, they’d be able to afford college for their kids. The idea of politicizing Twilight fans amuses me to no end.

Pass Yourself Off As A Sibling Of A Twilight Cast Member

The line denizens might be able to call you out on this, they might not, but it’s worth a shot. For instance, did you know Kellan Lutz has an older brother named Craig that went to Arizona State? He doesn’t, but that sounds 100% believable, doesn’t it? If you introduce yourself as someone’s older brother, Craig, it works almost every time. Also, if you say you went to Arizona State, people are wayyyyy more likely to believe you, ‘cause who would lie about going to Arizona State?

The question is, what do you do with the confidence you gain? Well, if you’re looking small-time, you can negotiate your way up the line, or maybe score a date with some female line-camper. But if you REALLY want to capitalize, you can use their trust to start a ponzi scheme known as the Twilight Fund. It doesn’t really matter what you claim the Twilight fund does – Twilight fans will hand their money over to any cause with the word “Twilight” in it.

Do you like this story?