8 Things From ‘Star Wars’ More Unethical Than Han Shooting First

Monday, February 13 by

 3. Enslaving Chewbacca (A.K.A. The Life Bond)

Oh, they have a life bond. Since I’m know that Han is into women, I’m guessing that the life bond isn’t a romantic thing, but rather a euphemism for slavery. Chewbacca is beholden to his human master. And you can hear the pain in his voice every time he bellows. It’s terrible. If Roots taught me anything, it’s that slave owners often wear vests, thus making Han Solo a horrible, horrible slave owner.

2. Brainwashing Ewoks to Fight Your Wars

C-3PO passes himself off as a deity to the Ewoks, essentially tricking a bunch of adorable teddy bears to fight in a war they have nothing to do with. It’s terrible. If it had been just c-3PO’s ruse, that would be one thing, but Luke Skywalker is in on it as well, levitating the droid to further sell the lie.

Getting Ewoks to fight your battles is like heaving cute hamsters and bunnies at a mugger to stop an assault. It’s uncalled for and disproportionate.

1. Child Soldiers in Stupid Hats

Oh man. This is bad. Not only recruiting child soldiers, to die at war, which is pretty despicable in and of itself, but putting dumb colanders on their heads to make them feel like they’re an elite team of soldiers or something. Look at them. You might as well pump a couple rounds into their chubby, nubile bodies to save the enemy the trouble. They look like they could be defeated just by hanging a sign reading “Free Kandy” over a hole you dug.

Child labor is wrong, child soldiers are even wronger. Shame on you, George Lucas. Shame on your eyes.

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