8 Movie And TV Children Who Are Bastards, Just Like Khloe Kardashian (Allegedly)

Thursday, January 12 by

Emma Gellar – Friends

For such a wholesome show, the producers sure were very cavalier about this whole “bastard child” issue. One would think that, because it’s a primetime show, the writers would have put a nice little bow on this by marrying the two parents, nullifying her illegitimacy more or less. Nope. The series ends with Ross and Rachel in love (again), which probably lasts until about fifteen minutes after the credits rolled, tossing poor little Emma back into bastardom.

“I’ll be there for you.”

Will you, Ross and Rachel? Will you really?

Ned Plimpton – Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

Owen Wilson is an excellent choice to play a bastard child. He’s adorable, and a little rough around the edges, like so many bastards are. I think. I don’t really know too many illegitimate kids. But I suppose that’s my loss. It is revealed late in the film that Steve Zissou is sterile, ensuring that he’s not Ned’s father. Soon after this news, Ned dies from injuries sustained in a helicopter accident, unsure of who his father is.

Wes Anderson makes it seem a lot lighter than the description would lead one to believe, though.

Sophie – Mamma Mia!

It’s kind of an upbeat film for a story about a girl who’s gone her whole life without knowing her father because her mom slept with a bunch of dudes and can’t sort out one tryst from another. Highly unbelievable because Colin Firth, Pierce Brosnan, and Stellan Skarsgard don’t look anything like each other.

Who ends up being the real father? I’m not going to tell you because I want you to have to watch the film like I had to. The suspense is no doubt killing you.

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