It’s not news that Arrested Development is coming back via Netflix. What is news is that the episodes will all be released at once, turning that day into a de facto holiday for much of generations X and Y, and possibly even millenials, though I have no idea what that phrase means.

Along with the news of the 10-episode comedy atom bomb, we learned from no less than show creator Mitch Hurwitz that Scott Baio’s Bob Loblaw will be returning as well. Of course, it’s biologically impossible to not enjoy the name Bob Loblaw (He lobs law bombs!), but the character didn’t do much for me, as rejecting Lindsay’s advances had become old hat by the time he appeared on the show.

However, there is no shortage of characters that I do feel passionate about, and who should find their way onto the show post-haste. Here are eight such characters.

Feel free to use the comments to remind me that I’m an idiot for not including your favorite character. Someone needs to wipe this shit-eating grin off my face.

Wayne Jarvis

Professionalism is the name of the game with Mr. Jarvis. He does not find the buffoonery of Cirque de Soleil amusing, so it should come as no surprise that he’s also not thrilled with Lindsay and Michael’s brand of buffoonery in getting back at Lucille.

He plays comically over-the-top foil for the Bluth family, constantly shaking his head in disapproval at the unprofessional antics of the family.

Best line (so far): I shall hide behind the couch.

Gene Parmesan

Gene Parmesan, “master of disguise,” doesn’t really seem to be impressing anyone but Lucille Bluth, which leads my filthy mind to think that they have some sort of relationship that wasn’t explored in the first run. While he does manage to surprise Lucille, I think she’s a pretty forgiving audience, as he generally seems to just drape himself in an outfit and mumble.

Wayne Jarvis would not be impressed with Mr. Parmesan’s level of professionalism, especially in light of Parmesan’s constant need to be paid in full, up front.

Best line (so far): I’m sorry. I feel like such an (bleep).


You can’t have a party without Ice, and it’s unlikely that the Bluth family will be able to go without a) someone to plan a party, b) a bounty hunter, or c) someone to quell Lindsay’s yearnings.

Let’s face it, Ice will probably need to serve as all three in the same episode, which is just fine, so long as you leave the chafing dishes outside. By the mailbox.

We have no idea what the plot points of the new season will be, but can we just ask the producers to start with a roster of characters and work backwards? I mean, it’s not like this is a terribly plot-driven show. Just play the hits, and try to get everyone to interact with Tobias at least once per episode. The rest sorts itself out.

Best line (so far) (in response to Lindsay asking him to cater an “affair” with her): Well, when you get a full guest list, let me know.

Carl Weathers

The presence of Carl Weathers in the new season is huge. It’s pretty much the difference between us viewers having a metaphorical stew going and…not.

Carl Weathers found three ways to weasel himself into the lives of the Bluths, first serving as Tobias’ acting coach, then as a ham-loving suitor of Lucille II, then playing the aforementioned Ice in the dramatization of the George Bluth story.

I don’t want to sit here like a fanboy lobbing out ideas, but if one episode isn’t George Michael, Ice, and Tobias, all on the same motorcycle chasing down someone (let’s say Ann), then Mr. Hurwitz missed a very big opportunity. Like a travesty on par with Sit Down, Shut Up.

Best line (so far):

Barry Zuckerkorn

If there are two things AD knows, it’s closeted characters and incompetent lawyers. In those realms, Barry Zuckerkorn has the whole package. A very bad lawyer who hangs out at rest stops for sex acts, Zuckercorn gets replaced by a newer, younger lawyer with a memorable name (Hint: he's got a law blog), but the new guy can’t fill the Fonzy-sized hole in our hearts.

An aside: It’s really hard to explain “why” these characters are the most entertaining, so I’m sure this list comes across as one of those, “Hey! Remember this guy? He was pretty awesome, right?” Not the highest form of analysis, granted, but probably the most apt one in that it’s probably all the provocation needed to fans of the show to rattle off quotes and indulge in narrated flights of fancy.

Perhaps the most superficially mesmerizing aspect of the show is the names that they give the ancillary characters. Barry Zuckerkorn is a prime example. It’s the equivalent of holding a sign over a character’s head when you meet him that just says, “I’m ridiculous.” Remarkably, they manage to live up to the hype. Mostly just by being really, really ridiculous.

Best line (so far): Those? Those are balls!


Is Franklin a character? Yeah, Franklin Delano Bluth is a character. G.O.B.’s hand puppet is able to redirect the plot, steal scenes, and piss off most every person in the room, which makes him just as viable as every other Arrested Development character.

It’s not like Franklin needs to be a plot point, but perhaps just a recording of a duet with G.O.B. playing on the car stereo will suffice.

Best line (so far): It ain't easy bein' brown...

Annyong (Hel-loh) Bluth

Earlier, I stated that AD isn’t much of a plot driven show. The one-episode arcs always remained a lot more compelling than the longer ones. (Did we care if George went to jail or if G.O.B. knew he had a kid?) HOWEVER, my curiosity was always piqued by the Annyong (Annyong!) storyline. He is the one that’s responsible for the SEC raid on the Bluth Company/Family, so it stands to reason that the family will seek redress in the upcoming episodes, no? Or maybe they’ll just forget about it altogether and throw a party. They’ve been known to do that too.

Best line (so far): Annyong. But my real name is Hel-loh.

Ann Veal

Yes, her. Ann was played by Mae Whitman, who is now a star of the NBC show Parenthood, which is total crap because that means it may be unlikely she will or can moonlight to reprise her role as the girl that must be funny or something.

Like so many other characters, Ms. Veal strikes a balance between being absurd herself (She can’t be knocked over! Mayo-n-egg!) and pointing out the absurdity and general shittiness of the Bluth family.

The beauty of Ann isn’t in her lines, but the names that other people, namely Michael, lob her way, including: Bland, Egg, Yam, Plain, Plant, and Ann Hog. That last one sounds Korean, so maybe there’s something going on between her and Annyong?

Best line (so far): See above.