No. Not the one with Orson Welles.
Chicks dig guys with facial scarring and milky eyes, especially if they made a ton of money off 9/11 and threaten to cut their rivals balls off. Being able to play a mean game of poker doesn’t hurt, either. The downside of all this is that you basically have to be rich and incredibly good looking to pull it off. You think that boss looking eye scar would work on Judd Apatow? Probably not, dude.
Pretty much every girl who ever took an art class has a huge crush on Crispin Helion Glover. This character might be the gold standard of creepiness, even by Glover standards. And hey, he’s an animal lover. Plus he had that whole Boardwalk Empire look going on years before Steve Buscemi started pulling it off. Basically, what you need to do is get a grip of rats, a couple suits from the 1920s, and start doing your hair with cooking oil. There will seriously be a line around the block. Trust us on this one.
As much as we love the thrill of seeing Vinny Gallo, Jr drive across the country pumping gas and treating women like dog shit, The Brown Bunny just doesn’t live up to Buffalo 66. Vincent Gallo kidnaps Christina Ricci, and she loves every second of it. Read up on Stockholm Syndrome, then figure out how you can make it work for your love life. You’ll also need some boss, greasy long hair to really pull this off, along with a collection of brown clothing from 1971. Our advice? Mug a homeless man and live in his box for a week.