8 Cinematic Choke Jobs That Billy Cundiff Would Appreciate

Tuesday, January 24 by

Shooter McGavin – Happy Gilmore

Happy’s short game was shit. Sure, he could drive the hell out of the ball, but I’m not inclined to believe that one in three drives could find its way to the fairway or green.

Consequently, Shooter McGavin should have MURDERED Happy. In every day of the tourney and in the playoff hole. McGavin fell apart. Though his breakdown is understandable, since he had a lot on his mind with the constant threat of ass-kickings in the parking lot and unwanted dinners at Red Lobster, it’s not excusable. McGavin was the better golfer and he just flat-out sucked.

Jim – American Pie

You’ve got the hot eastern European girl topless, in your bed, and presumably “shaved.” Your only real goal here is “don’t prematurely ejaculate.” And certainly don’t do it on a webcam. He really failed to come through in the clutch here. The good news is that Jim was young, and these are the kind of mistakes young people make.

Virgil – True Romance

Who had Patricia Arquette over James Gandolfini in their motel room cage match? How about if you let James Gandolfini wail on her for about 10 minutes to start? Yeah, I wouldn’t put a dime on Arquette. The fact that he gets taken down and eventually killed after getting a corkscrew to the foot is especially lame. Big ups to Arquette’s Alabama for pulling out every stop, including the hairspray to the face. But it doesn’t change the fact that Virgil should have been able to swat every attack away and dispatch her quickly.

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