Fox News recently (and rightfully) asked whether The Muppets are “trying to brainwash your kids against capitalism?” Of course, the liberal left got all up in arms even though, as the question mark clearly indicates, this is an innocuous question intended to open a dialog.
That said, the answer is “yes.” Those rat bastards in the entertainment industry have started pushing their politics on children at a younger and younger age, knowing that their mushy brains are too soft and stupid to know the difference between right and wrong. Sadly, the children most susceptible to this brainwashing are the ones raised in sound families with two working parents. They’re betting that while you are out working at Exxon/Mobil or tending to your independently-owned rifle store, they can sink their claws into your children.
Well, it stops now. Here is an introductory list to the most egregious offenders of this practice.
Way to tell half the story, Captain Planet! Of course you’re the brainchild of noted land-hoarder Ted Turner. You demonstrate how children the world over can band together to preserve threatened eco-sysytems, but you don’t ever discuss how drilling for oil in national parks can preserve US hegemony at the low, low price of a few birds or maybe a species of rare otter.
Also, Captain Planet is weakened by pollution, like smog and nuclear radiation. Oh, I’m sorry CAPTAIN PLANET! Maybe we’ll just power our houses and skyscrapers with rainbows and happy thoughts. It’s like he doesn’t even care that Detroit is losing market share to Japan even as I type this.
Also, his slogan… “The power is yours?” HA! Maybe if the child watching the show happens to be a US Senator, otherwise, the power lies in Washington, where it belongs.
Babar is French, and, as such, represents the biggest threat to American values in the world right now. As I’ve said before, his green suit tacitly condones an alternative lifestyle. He also wears a crown. What’s he the king of? You can’t just make yourself a king! You know who does that? Qadaffi. Pol Pot. Stalin. Jimmy Carter. In other words, bad people do that.
Fat Albert promotes obesity. He’s just too damn fat. I don’t care if, when children watch the show, they “just might learn somethin’,” and I certainly don’t care if they’re “gonna have a good time.” I care that a planet of a man in a giant red sweater is “Hey hey hey”-ing his way into co-opting my child’s values with stories of sharing.
Also, that Mushmouth simply butchers the English language, while Dumb Donald is just too dumb.
Starting at an early age, children should be taught that the way to live well is by studying hard so that one day you can get a job in the financial services industry, not by hanging out with your friends and helping people out. Typical liberal bullshit.