Tyler Perry’s, the man who won Forbes title of “highest-grossing entertainer” has seven projects slated for 2012, which is pretty typical for the prolific actor/ director/ writer/ giant-black-guy-that-loves-sweaters. This is good news, as it ensures that in the coming year, we’ll be able to participate in one our favorite activities: avoiding and mocking Tyler Perry projects.

Here is a list of his projects in the upcoming year and the reasons that we won’t be watching them.

Good Deeds




If you think that the title Good Deeds isn’t a delicious pun on the lead character’s name, Wesley Deeds, then you just don’t know how TP works. The film follows a successful businessman (Deeds, played by Tyler Perry) as he helps a down on her luck woman, hoping that good deed will spark a change in his life that will allow him become the man he’s always wanted to be.

It also stars, in decreasing order of talent: Thandie Newton, Gabrielle Union, Phylicia Rashad, Rebecca Romijn, and Jamie Kennedy. The film comes out on February 24th, which gives you just enough time to shop for and install a survival shelter.

House of Payne




Make way! Curtis Payne and company are coming back to make us laugh. And if we’re not careful, we just might learn something. The TBS sitcom has actually tackled a number of heavy issues such as religion and drug abuse. Granted it tackles those issues with a heavy hand in a fashion similar to The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, but it still tackles them.

The most recent season, season 7, contained a whopping 50 episodes. You might be asking yourself, “How does Tyler Perry produce one season of television packed with 50 high-quality episodes?”

The answer is, “He doesn’t.”


Meet the Browns 




Since we haven’t met the Browns by now, it’s probably too late. This show often references Tyler Perry’s character, Madea, but never shows her. I am not sure if that’s better or worse than actually showing Madea, but I dislike the concept nonetheless. The threat that she MIGHT turn up on screen is enough to keep me away from not only this show, but TBS and cable television as well.

I seriously don’t like that Madea, guys.

Floyd’s Family


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I’m beginning to think that Tyler Perry thinks that he is required to put the name of the sitcom characters in the show. That’s just not the case, but it’s not important enough to correct.

Floyd’s Family would be a spinoff from House of Payne following Floyd and, presumably, his family. I don’t know who this Floyd character is, but I know that if the show is being spun off from House of Payne, it will probably not be very good. Wikipedia tells me that Floyd’s last name is Jackson, and that he owns a barbershop. He is also regarded as the longest-running recurring character on the show, which is a bit like being the best soldier in North Korea.

For Better or Worse


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This show was spun off from the movie franchise and play Why Did I Get Married? and premiered just recently on November 25th, 2011. It stars an actor named Cocoa Brown, which I think is pretty neat. This groundbreaking sitcom follows the ups and downs of married life, and I’m pretty sure it's the first sitcom to ever do that, except for all of them. Wikipedia offers this about For Better or Worse:
Led by the hilarious, over-the-top antics of Marcus and Angela Williams, the ensemble follows three couples at various stages of their relationships as they weather the ups-and-downs of married life and dating.

I have always known Wikipedia to strive for objectivity, so don’t go thinking that this show is not hilarious or under-the-top. The lead female runs a salon, which leads me to believe that Tyler Perry might be overestimating the percentage of Americans who run haircare-based businesses. Or I’m underestimating it. Either way, I’m not watching this show.


The Marriage Counselor




Tyler Perry's The Marriage Counselor will be his thirteenth movie. It will star Kim Kardashian and Jerry Stiller. Unless it’s Jerry Stiller just yelling at Kim K for 90 minutes, I don’t think I want to see that film.

Yup. It’s not what I had hoped. Rather, it’s about a marriage counselor who can’t fix her own marriage. So it’s sorta like Hitch, but without any good actors or Kevin James.

I, Alex Cross




Based on the 16th book in the Alex Cross series by James Patterson, I, Alex Cross. Whereas the previous two film adaptations (Kiss the Girls, Along Came a Spider) starred Morgan Freeman and were the first and second books in the series, I, Alex Cross stars Tyler Perry and is the 16th. It’s being directed by Rob Cohen who helmed both xXx and The Fast and the Furious. It’s also worth noting that Cohen was an executive producer of The Monster Squad, but it’s unlikely this film will be Monster Squad-caliber.



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