7 Reasons Why The People’s Choice Awards Are For #ssholes

Thursday, January 12 by
Everyone's a winner 

The People’s Choice Awards are the Hollywood equivalent to the Special Olympics. Everyone comes out a winner. For instance, if Scott Baio loses in the category of Favorite Movie Actor, he’s still eligible to win Favorite Breakout Movie Actor or Favorite Action Movie Actor or Favorite Leading Man or Favorite Actor Who Is Named Scott Baio. Point being that it’s all pretty f***ing dumb.

Billed as an award show for the people, by the people it leads us to morph into Jerry Seinfeld and ask, “Who ARE these people?” Have you ever voted in the People’s Choice Awards? Are you aware of how one votes in the People’s Choice Awards? Do you have an 11-year old niece who could perhaps explain it to you?

We took a look at past years’ categories, winners, and nominees and noticed some pretty strange doings transpiring. Seriously, who ARE these people?

Also, please not that the original title of this piece was 7 Reasons The People’s Choice Awards Are For Retardos, but we decided to take the high road.

Burt Reynolds

One thing we found is a lack of variety from year to year when it comes to winners and nominees. Johnny Depp has predominantly won Favorite Movie Actor since 2005. Not to mention his win for Favorite Actor of the Decade. Don’t get me wrong. Depp is a great actor despite what Ricky Gervais will tell you. It makes sense that he’d win. What makes zero sense is that Burt F***in’ Reynolds would win top honors five times in six years during the late 70’s/early 80’s. The fact that he was the height of sexiness back then is disturbing (he seems like the type who chews gum while taking a crap). Is that what our dad’s had to compete with? It’s a wonder any of us were ever born.

Favorite Movie Star Under 25

Realizing that Johnny Depp snatching up all the awards was bad business for the Harry Potter franchise, producers needed to introduce a new category. That’s how we got Favorite Movies Star Under 35 in 2008. But that seemed weird considering all of the nominees were 22 tops. So now we have Favorite Movie Star Under 25. It should be called, Pick Your Favorite Between The Cast of Harry Potter and Chloe Moretz.

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