7 Possible Locations For The Academy Awards

Monday, February 6 by

Alternating Annually Between Kate Winslet’s, Meryl Streep’s, and Daniel Day Lewis’ Houses

I mean, they’re the ones who get to enjoy the Oscars more than anyone else, considering they’ve got 27 Oscars nominations between them. Besides, I’ve heard that Day-Lewis has DirecTV and he has a futon in case anyone gets too wasted and can’t drive.

These stars get so much glory from the Academy, it would be nice to see them give something back by hosting. It would include a Cribs-type element to lure in younger viewers as well. Is it true that Meryl Streep’s “boom-boom room” has a stripper bowl and a sex swing? Tune in on Oscar Sunday to find out!

Outside In The Park If It’s A Nice Day

While the stars that come out to shine for the Academy Awards certainly are accustomed to first-class treatment, they’re not too jaded to enjoy a nice southern California day. Maybe Academy President Tom Sherak could arrange a meeting place somewhere centrally located to all the attendees’ houses, and then they could all carpool to the park and find a nice shady patch where everyone could sit Indian-style for the duration of the telecast. Better yet, maybe Jude Law could get their early and reserve a spot? And maybe if it’s not too much trouble, Frances McDormand could bring trash bags?

If it rains, the Oscars could be held in a nearby rec center or possibly cancelled altogether.

The San Diego Zoo!!!

I love the Oscars, and everyone else I know that loves the Oscars also loves animals! So why not combine a delightful event with a delightful venue? I mean, the penguins are already all dressed up with no place to go. They could be seat fillers! That would be hysterical!

Also, who wouldn’t want to see George Clooney flanked by a big old Baboon?

Perhaps Jim Carrey or Ben Stiller could tuck there arms inside their tuxedo jackets and be all, “A lion ate my arm on the red carpet!”

It’s absolutely crucial though, that they immediately let the audience and zoo officials know that they were joking, as San Diego has a zero-tolerance policy when it comes to animals hurting humans. Nothing would mar the Academy Awards more than the slaughter of an innocent lion during the telecast.

Do you like this story?