There are many reasons that ninjas aren’t hired for children’s birthday parties even though they are far less creepy than clowns. In the top ten of those parental reasoning are these seven ninja scenes that will have you fearing the masked attackers.
“Norwegian Ninja” rewrites a bit of the Cold War history by turning a convicted spy in Norway’s past into the leader of a strike force of ninjas. It’s hard being a ninja though as another governmental agency seeks to destroy them through a campaign of scapegoating and treachery. The cliff fight between Pete Runddal and Bumblebee for initiation into the clan is a great blend of action and ninja trickery that will make you rethink your childhood quest to join those masked killers.
Like little kids weren’t terrifying enough with their ability to spread viruses and force expensive cookies on you through mob-style fundraising, now they get to be ninjas too. “Three Ninjas” centers on three kids taught by their grandfather the art of ninjitsu, which they execute with Three Stooges aplomb. The kids battle the villainous Rushmore alongside their grandfather in a fight that would make you embarrassed to lose thus making this a scene that will leave you with a deep fear of masked opponents.
“Revenge of the Ninja”
After ninjas slaughter his extended family, Cho swears off being a ninja and moves his mother and son, the only survivors, to California to start all over. Sadly his business partner Braden is a drug dealing ninja of the Caucasian persuasion and things go downhill from there as Cho and family are brought back into the creepily sweaty grip of the ninja lifestyle. Cho’s battle to the death with Braden on a rooftop tennis court should provoke fear into you for both aren’t afraid to look ridiculous in eyeliner and a demon mask respectively, and that makes them even scarier.
“Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles”
People fear the wrong things about the ninja turtles as they let themselves become scared of their capacity for reasoning, for speech, for feelings for terrible jokes and for their abilities with ninjitsu. What everyone should fear is how freaking radioactive those four guys and their rat master as breathing in the same air as them must be just one step lower than going skinny dipping in a pond in Chernobyl. When the Foot clan assaults the turtles at April’s apartment, they shouldn’t be wearing goofy ninja gear instead they should be clad in those baggy yellow radiation suits with weaponized Geiger counters as they pee themselves in fright.
“Shinobi: Heart Under Blade”
A love story ensconced in a brutal battle between two ninja clans orchestrated by the Shogun makes for a tremendous story in “Shinobi: Heart Under Blade.” Kouga from the Kouga clan and Oboro of the Iga clan have clandestinely married after falling in love in the deepest of secrecy and find themselves warring for peace between the clans. Unable to stop the war, the lovers face off in an emotional scene that puts this film far above your average ninja story.
Because the fans of “American Ninja” movies didn’t sit close enough to their televisions they were able to have kids thus creating a need for more white guy ninja films. “Ninja” has the heroic Casey secret away an ancient sword to keep it out of the grubby paws of dishonored former student Masazuka. Their culminating battle for the sword is full of slow motion and sparks so if you’re scared of cultural assimilation, fire or stop-motion holiday specials this assuredly will crush your fragile psyche.
They’re cheerleaders and they can beat you up. This isn’t a seventh year, red-shirted linebacker keeping up school spirit until his lats come in and he can help the team, these are high school women looking to finish their homework, keep relationships and groin punch the bad guys. The trio takes on Kinji, another ninja woman, in a cheesy fight that should leave you fearing the apocalypse in a world that thought "Ninja Cheerleaders" deserved to see the light of day.