Newt Gingrich’s ex-wife shocked the gross-out receptors in our brains this week by coming forward with the news that her former husband (allegedly) asked her for an open marriage after he was caught cheating with a congressional aide. It’s suspicious timing given that the Republican race is heating up. But furthermore, eeewwwwww……. I can’t vote for a guy who I have to imagine naked. I’m looking for a strong, fair, and clothed leader.
In all fairness, his daughters claim that this is not true. Double ew. Is his goal to win an election or get a reality show?
If we are to find the truth, our best method would be to explore Newt Gingrich’s Netflix queue. If three or more of the below films are on there, I think we know where he found inspiration.
Why don’t they have many orgies in New Canaan, Connecticut? Nobody wants to write all those thank you notes.
Key parties are totally fair game though, as evidenced in The Ice Storm. The story centers around two troubled couples, two of which are discovered to be having an affair. Everything comes to a head one fateful night at key party, where couples arrive and each husband leaves his car keys in a bowl. Whichever woman pulls his key takes him off to have sex. Sounds like an awesome party. But do they have a moon bounce?
Break will rue the day they kicked me off the party planning committee.
In an attempt to look like a perfectly happy and normal American family, instead of the babynappers which they are, Ed and Hi invite Hi’s boss, Glen, his wife Dot, and their children over for the day. And this family is awesome. The kids overrun the place, scribbling words like “fart” on the wall, wearing diapers on their heads, and playing with sharp implements. Dot warns of the dangers of lockjaw and night vision. And Glen makes insipid jokes about people of the Polish persuasion, but more importantly, he then offers to swap wives with Hi. Sam McMurray absolutely kills in this role. Still not enough that I’d let him near my wife, though.