It’s a special time of year for non-Boston fans of AFC teams, a time where we curse the Patriots for their success and bitch about what an evil person the Pat’s head coach, Bill Belichick, is in light of his team appearing in the Super Bowl. Needless to say, it’s one of my favorite times of year.
Of course, Belichick isn’t REALLY evil; he’s just led his team to great success with a joyless demeanor while breaking the rules of the NFL that were established for fair play.
Huh. He sounds pretty evil when it’s framed like that, doesn’t he?
Well, evil, like human sexuality or wealth, is a continuum. It’s not a binary state, so we can go further to examine degrees of evil. Since this is a movie site, it makes sense to list a few “evil” characters that are outshone by Mr. Patriot’s sinister nature. The following seven characters are actually less sinister than Bill Belichick.
In case you were wondering what movie character is exactly as evil and underhanded as Belichick, it’s Col. Hans Landa from Inglourious Basterds (A.K.A. The Jew Hunter).
It’s one thing to be an evil or malicious thug – over time you will more than likely get picked up and punished for your actions. It’s another to be some powerful, political mastermind that is above any and all scrutiny. It’s for this reason that Belichick is more sinister than not only Clarence Boddicker from Robocop, but also OCP alpha dog Dick Jones.
Dick Jones is on a mission to ensure that the test case of Detroit proves successful so that Omni Consumer Products can start shilling not only ED-209s, but also Robocops to other markets.
Now, I don’t think that Bill Belichick is looking to franchise a series of books entitled How to Win…The Belichick Way! or anything like that, but I do think that he is leveraging an ungodly amount of power to run his team like some sort of semi-legal corporation. Now, I have absolutely no proof that this is the case, but if you put a gun to my head and asked me what corporations are/were run similarly to Belichick’s Patriots, I would say offhand: Enron, Morgan Stanley, AIG, and Blackwater.
Sure, Cal made women and children die in the aftermath of the Titanic’s collision with the iceberg, but dammit, he looked good doing it. And while Titanic’s plot says nothing to support this, I’m assuming that Cal was a creep since he was a young, entitled little boy, which doesn’t make his misdeeds any more palatable. But at least people would have known what they’re in for.
Belichick, on the other hand, came up as a fairly unassuming coach, only to become an evil mastermind once he was handed the keys to the castle. Further, I’m not willing to entertain arguments that his cut-off hoodie look isn’t a victimless crime. My eyes bleed every time I see this powerful, powerful man masquerading as a hobo.
Slicked back hair + tuxedo + Billy Zane is playing him = Guy you know you should avoid.
Tattered hoodie + former Cleveland Browns employee + name “Bill” = Guy you would probably give a few dollars to on your walk to work who, in return, will secretly videotape your defensive coordinators playcalling signals.