7 Movie Romances That Will Make You Glad To Be Alone On Valentine’s Day

Tuesday, February 14 by

Howard the Duck and Beverly – Howard the Duck

Lea Thompson falls in love with the most obnoxious alien ever who hails from a planet called (sigh) Duckworld. Let’s just ignore this plot, because this is among the stupidest films ever created. Instead, let’s just examine the relationship between Howard the Duck and Beverly (Thompson). Trans-species romances are often hindered by the fact that the protagonists can’t really have sex, for fear of objection by audiences, as well as a host of logistical questions.

At the film’s conclusion, Howard saves the world, preventing him from returning to his stupid home planet. He is employed as Beverly’s manager and is doomed to live out his days in the friend zone.

Jenny and Forrest – Forrest Gump

Forrest Gump makes it pretty clear that, despite Jenny and Forrest’s strong feelings for each other, their relationship could never blossom in the way they hoped, on account of Forrest Gump being a nice guy and Jenny being an insufferable whore who only tells Forrest about his son as she’s dying of AIDS.

The only nice thing that Jenny ever did for Forrest was give him the seat next to her on the bus, which is crap, because it’s not like she gave him HER seat, but just allowed him to sit in the seat next to her. Robert Zemeckis spends the next 100 minutes or so tearing down the illusion of goodwill by having Jenny sleep with the retarded guy, then run off, only returning to him when her sense of self-worth is so low that she gets suicidal.

It’s terrible, sad, and all too real, but it’s also unconventional, so it makes the list.

I hate you, Jenny.

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